


Healing the Moon

by SesshomaruFreak



Category: Bleach
Genre: Affection Among Friends, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Healing From Past Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, OOC, Originally posted on FF, Past Rape/Non-con, RenBya
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:09:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 53,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27584557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SesshomaruFreak/pseuds/SesshomaruFreak
Summary: Renji knows he is the monkey, always chasing the moon, but never able to catch it. What will he do when he discovers that the moon is broken and not as out-of-reach as he's always thought?
Relationships: Abarai Renji/Kuchiki Byakuya, RenBya - Relationship
Comments: 14
Kudos: 24





	1. Moonlight Meeting

(Tuesday Night)  
A quiet sigh was the only sound in the Squad 6 office. Byakuya gazed down at the paperwork that he'd spent the better part of the last several hours on. He signed the last form and set it neatly on top of the equally neat stack of completed papers.

Another small sigh escaped him; now that all of today's work (and some of tomorrow's) was done, there was really nothing for him to do except go home. Everyone thought he liked doing paperwork, but in truth, he detested the monotonous task. The only reason he spent so much time doing it was that filling out forms and signing reports was slightly less depressing than going back home to his usually empty, silent, gods-forsaken manor with all its memories.

Byakuya leaned back in his chair, allowing himself to stretch a bit to ease the stiffness that had dared to creep into his muscles. The raven-haired noble permitted a small ghost of a smile to curve his lips as he realized it was past midnight, and so the Seireitei was asleep.

Spirits lifted a fraction, he stood and left the office, his steps becoming swifter as he neared his one pleasure- the quiet, solitary night. These nights, walking in the cool breeze and moonlight while every other soul slept... it was the only thing that brought him even a glimmer of peace or joy.

Leaving the building, he glanced around as if someone would actually be out at this hour to -gods forbid- see him relax. He smoothly removed his kenseiken and raked his slender fingers though his liberated hair. That was better already! He flash-stepped to the top of the nearest building, tilting his face up to the full moon.

Here, he was at peace, at least partially. It was a sensation he could rarely capture.

The night breeze drifted by, playing with his hair and clothes. He found himself smiling as he removed his captain's haori, folding it up and tucking it into a voluminous pocket to join his kenseiken. His scarf and tekkoh followed, leaving him with the impression of being unbound by his responsibilities.

Byakuya began to dart along the rooftops with no real urgency, enjoying the freedom of the night. No paperwork, no fighting, no drama, no annoying redheaded lieutenants. He almost stumbled as an image of the Rukon Dog flashed through his mind. Tch, the fool. That man irritated him beyond belief, always managing to get under his skin one way or another.

Just today, the brash crimsonette had come blowing into the office, going on about wanting a few days in the Living World. Of course, he had denied his permission, already irritated over other matters and unwilling to cut his second-in-command any slack.

Byakuya frowned as he continued casually running and flash-stepping over the buildings. Perhaps it would not hurt to grant his lieutenant a day or two. The man did as he was told... most of the time. And Byakuya had heard how the younger man had fought to defend his reputation during his absence while he'd been infiltrating the Zanpakuto Rebellion.

Renji had not had any cause to trust him, yet, according to several people, the Rukon Dog had defended his mysterious behavior and suspicious actions to the point of violence.

It had been some time since that mess, but his lieutenant had never broached the subject. Hmm, didn't subordinates usually want their superiors to know the loyalty they'd shown? So why had Abarai never bragged about defending his captain? Byakuya had never given it much thought, but his solitary night wanderings often cleared his head. Now that he was thinking about it, this thing with Renji was bugging him... actually, thinking about the redhead altogether disturbed him. Well, that was unusual.

Shaking his head, Byakuya refocused on his running. Suddenly, a flare of kido energy caught his attention, and he skidded to a stop as his head whipped around. Who in the hell was using kido this late at night? And why? He didn't sense any dangerous energies... there! A red flash.

Byakuya narrowed his eyes and shot across the rooftops like a shadow.

~X~X~X~X~

Renji shook his hands, all but growling in frustration. Fuck! Why couldn't he get this? Other Soul Reapers, including most of his friends, could use kido consistently, but him? Well, of course not!

It wasn't bad enough that he was the Rukon Dog, a title not worth any respect among his stuck-up 'peers', though once again, he was thankful for his friends that had come from the Rukongai as well, so none of them had to **only** deal with Soul Reapers who'd been proper-raised and tended to look down on them.

He could let off a few decently-aimed shots, then he'd blow himself up. Did anyone else ever blow up their own fuckin' hands? Keh, definitely not a certain someone who could use kido like he'd been born doing it.

Renji quickly shook his head, desperate to avoid thinking about him. He glanced around his 'training ground'; an abandoned courtyard that sat on the border that separated the Seireitei from the Rukon. He'd come across it a few days ago, and thought it was perfect for his secret training. There was also a poetic beauty to its location- it sat on the border that separated his old life from his current one.

Renji tilted his head to gaze up at the full moon... pale, cold, and always out of reach. Whoa! What the hell? He needed to stop thinking about him. No more looking at the moon; it always reminded him of that beautiful jerk.

With a frustrated growl, he refocused on his target and got ready to try again. The night breeze swirled around him, cooling off his bared upper body and fluttering his unbound hair. A smirk curled his lips; even if his kido practice was failing in the most spectacular way, at least he felt good, dammit!

All alone, bathed in moonlight, he always felt better than usual. Instead of feeling like a piece of shit street rat masquerading as a Soul Reaper, he felt like some kind of magnificent predator. Sure, it was ridiculous, but Renji had decided a long time ago that if something made him feel good about himself, he'd embrace it.

Just then, he sensed another presence nearby, suppressing its spiritual pressure. Forgetting about his kido training, he whirled to face the presence, his first thought being that someone was invading the Seireitei. There, on a rooftop, was a dark figure silhouetted against the moon.

Renji's hand shot to Zabimaru's hilt, only to be stayed by a calm, cold voice. "Even _you_ could not be so foolish as to draw your blade against me again, Lieutenant Abarai."

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya watched as surprise flashed over the face of the man in the courtyard below. "Ca-Captain?" He dropped lightly to the ground and eyed his lieutenant. Such a disgraceful state. The bigger Soul Reaper was not wearing the standard shihakusho, only a pair of black hakamas. And his hair was down, cascading down the tattooed body like a waterfall of blood.

Byakuya's mouth suddenly dried for some reason, and he had to swallow before speaking. "What are you doing out here at such a ridiculous hour?" he snapped, and saw Renji flinch as though struck.

"No-nothing, sir. Just training, sir."

Byakuya frowned at the fearful tone, noticing how the coppery eyes were focused on the ground. "Lieutenant Abarai, look at me when I am speaking to you." Again, his voice cracked through the night air like a whip, and Renji visibly jumped, the dark honey eyes obediently lifting to his.

Byakuya's frown deepened; his lieutenant seemed truly afraid of him. Byakuya did demand respect, both as the Head of the noble Kuchiki Clan and as one of the 13 Captains. But even he knew respect and fear were not the same thing. Renji had never seemed this afraid of him, even during their previous fights; the redhead's boisterous cockiness was one of the few things he actually liked... sometimes. The longer he was silent, the more Renji fidgeted, and the bronze eyes darted around the courtyard as though seeking escape.

Finally, Byakuya asked quietly, "Were you practicing kido?" The younger man nodded slowly, looking ashamed. Byakuya thought for a moment; he didn't know anybody else that would be awake and training at this hour. He murmured, "I am impressed by your dedication, Lieutenant."

Immediately, Renji shook his head, looking mortified. "No, sir, you shouldn't be impressed. I'm not doing any better."

Byakuya arched an eyebrow as he replied in a cool tone. "I most certainly did not say I was impressed by your progress, Abarai. I said I was impressed by your dedication. There is a difference."

He saw the faint blush that shadowed the younger man's cheeks, hearing the quiet reply. "Oh. Well, um, thank you, Captain Kuchiki." The crimsonette bowed his head respectfully, but Byakuya barely noticed the gesture. Hmm, had his lieutenant always said his name like that? For some unfathomable reason, the sound of Renji addressing him sent a shiver up his spine.

He squared his shoulders and frowned, noticing how his subordinate tensed. In the authoritative tone he had mastered decades ago, he spoke firmly to his second-in-command. "Well?"

Renji's head snapped up, confusion in the unique cinnamon eyes. "'Well', what, sir?"

Byakuya gestured with his hand. "You have been practicing kido, have you not? Show me what you have been working on."

There was a moment of hesitation, then Renji nodded, lifting his hands.

Byakuya's eyes narrowed when he saw the mild burns that were scattered over the tanned skin of his lieutenant's hands, wrists, even up the forearms. He watched and listened critically; the bigger Soul Reaper's position was good, and the incantation was spoken almost perfectly. The red ball of energy formed between Renji's hands and he launched it.

The small blast hit the target dead center, but Byakuya saw the backlash of energy that whipped across his subordinate's hands just as the Hado was fired. The fact that the younger man didn't flinch bothered him; just how many times had this happened? New burns joined the previous ones, wisps of smoke rising from the abused flesh.

Byakuya stepped closer, and Renji sighed, looking as if he fully expected a reprimand. "So, what am I doing wrong?"

He frowned as he looked at the burned hands. "I am not sure. Your stance and position were fine, and you said the incantation very well. Perhaps the problem lies in your focus." He stepped in front of the younger man. "Hold out your hands."

When his lieutenant obeyed, Byakuya raised his own hands and began healing the Rukon Dog.

~X~X~X~X~

Renji watched in shock as his captain's hands began to glow, and the pain started to recede from his injured hands. "S-sir? I didn't know you could heal."

The ravenette kept his head bowed over their hands, replying quietly. "I do not wish to broadcast that fact. I am not exceptionally skilled, and even if I was, it is not what I want to be known for."

Unable to resist teasing, Renji smirked. "What, you'd rather be known for your ability to take lives than an ability to save them?"

Sharp violet eyes rose to his, and he froze, wiping the smirk from his face as a desperate, automatic apology demanded to be said. But it refused to come out as he found himself staring. The glow from the healing energy illuminated his captain's face, and Renji swallowed, hard.

The older man was not wearing his kenseiken, silky black hair feathering down around his face. Renji also realized his superior wasn't wearing his other accessories or his captain's haori, and so almost looked like a regular Soul Reaper.

If only... but this was not only his captain, this was a noble, someone so far out of his league... he really was the monkey chasing the moon. Stupid-ass monkey.

Renji clenched his jaw and lowered his eyes from that intense, dark violet-silver gaze. Fuck, why did he have to feel like this?

He watched the slender hands hovering above his own, the golden glow chasing the burns from his skin. He frowned when the glow wavered, and he looked back to his captain's face, opening his mouth to ask what was wrong. Shock flashed through him when he saw that the Kuchiki heir was not looking at his hands, but at his chest, the surprisingly wide eyes following his markings.

He stayed silent, ignoring the unsteady waver of the healing energy as he watched the older man's eyes roam his torso as though fascinated by his intricate markings that combined a geometric neatness with a tribal wildness.

Most of the exotically elegant patterns had appeared on his body to correspond with any real progress he'd made with Zabimaru, the rest had come after just communing or training with his Zanpakuto. He was so caught up in how his captain was looking at him that he didn't realize the dark eyes were lifting until they met his.

Renji had heard the phrase 'like a deer caught in headlights', but hadn't really understood it until this moment. Not only could he not move or look away, the noble in front of him seemed paralyzed as well, deep platinum eyes staring up at him.

The moment was broken when the soft golden glow between them began flickering madly. Both looked down to see that Renji's burns were gone... and Byakuya's hands were shaking. Seeing that the burns had healed, the older man dropped his hands and the healing energy dissipated.

Renji flexed his hands, relieved that the pain was gone. He spoke softly, unsure of exactly what had happened in the last few moments. "Thank you, Captain. That feels a lot better. I know you said you aren't exceptionally skilled, but you did really good. Some of those burns were kinda deep."

The ravenette nodded, dark eyes focused on something Renji couldn't see as he replied quietly. "I do not want anyone to know that I am able to use healing kido."

Renji nodded. "Yes, sir. Though, I mean, you're really good at all the others, so people might assume you can heal, too."

He watched as a small frown marred the pale features of his captain. "That is logical. However, I appreciate you agreeing not to confirm those assumptions."

Renji was surprised; had the Kuchiki heir ever thanked him for anything? "No problem, sir. Everybody has things they don't want other people knowing about them."

The dark eyes, silvered in the light of the moon, slid to meet his, and he realized they still stood rather close to each other. This man had always made him so damn nervous; a captain, a noble, and a man who could cause unimaginable agony with just two words. When he'd first realized just who'd caught his secret training, he'd been terrified, not knowing what kind of reaction his strict superior might have.

But Byakuya hadn't seemed angry, and was sorta being nice, and here in the moonlight, the older man didn't seem quite as intimidating as usual, devoid of his captain's haori and trademark heirlooms. The noble looked even more beautiful than he normally did, and Renji felt his chest tighten.

Why couldn't he have fallen for someone he actually had a chance with?

Determined to distract himself from this thought, he took a deep breath as his mind scrambled for a new subject. The first thing he came up with was how his captain had been looking at his markings in an almost fascinated way. "Sir? If you're curious about them, you can ask. I'd tell you."

Byakuya's shoulders stiffened a bit, then slowly relaxed as the ebony-haired Soul Reaper asked quietly, "Where did you get them?"

Renji smiled and began proudly explaining his unique markings. "The main ones have developed and expanded to mark my progress with Zabimaru. Every time, like when I was first able to commune with them, and obtained shikai and learned bankai..." he gestured at each set that had appeared with each achievement-"I'd feel this tingly burning sensation, and they'd appear. Sorta faded-looking at first, but they turn solid black overnight."

He pointed out the smaller secondary markings on his skin, lifting his hair to gesture at his forehead and the side of his neck. "These ones started showing up when I first started dreaming about him, forehead first. These smaller ones appear when we commune, or when we train together to strengthen our bonds."

Smiling brightly at his captain, he asked, "Anything else, sir?"

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya was conflicted. A small part of him was cursing the fact that he'd followed that kido energy, but the rest of him was surprisingly happy that he had. It was rather nice, just talking like this, and he was learning things that he probably should've already known about his subordinate.

He saw Renji smiling at him, and those pronounced canines caught his attention. He found himself gazing at them; his lieutenant didn't have _fangs_ , that was ridiculous. But the pointed eyeteeth were long enough to support the nickname of Rukon Dog.

Byakuya had noticed them before, but for some reason, the sight of them now made him feel odd, like it was getting hard to breathe.

What was wrong with him? He should go... but he was still curious about the unique markings, and Renji seemed excited and pleased by his interest.  
"I always thought they were simply tattoos. Are they sensitive?"

Oh, gods, what kind of question had that been?

His lieutenant tilted his head thoughtfully, then nodded. "Yeah, kinda. They're actually more sensitive when something's up with me, like if I have a fever or if I'm upset or excited."

Byakuya nodded, then glanced up at the position of the moon. "Go home and get some sleep, Lieutenant. I'll only approve of this training of yours as long as it does not interfere with your normal duties."

The younger man bowed his head respectfully. "Yes, sir. And thank you."

Byakuya continued. "By the way, until you figure out why the offensive kidos backfire on you, you would be better off practicing defensive or binding kidos instead. If they fail, they will not harm you like the hados do."

The bigger Soul Reaper nodded. "Yes, sir. I'll keep that in mind. Good night, Captain."

~X~X~X~X~

Renji saw the dark eyes widen a bit at his politeness, then the older man nodded. "Good night, Lieutenant. Do not be late to work in the morning."

He nodded obediently, biting his lip as he watched his superior leap gracefully to the nearest rooftop. "Captain?"

The Ice Prince of the Seireitei paused, violet eyes glancing back at him. He asked softly, "Sir, does the monkey ever catch the moon? Is there any way for him to have the one thing he wants more than anything else?"

The amethyst eyes widened, then rose to the full moon above them. "I suppose he could find a way; this is a very persistent, resourceful monkey. However, I think he would be happier if he just forgot about the moon."

Wondering if his superior had caught on to his double meaning, Renji whispered, "Why?"

Not looking at him, Byakuya replied softly, "What the monkey does not realize is that while the moon appears whole, it is actually broken into a thousand pieces beyond repair...and so is not worth catching."

Then his captain was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, then. What a cryptic thing for Bya to say, ne?
> 
> Next time on 'Healing the Moon'- Chapter 2: In the Office  
> In which we see the boys the next day. Maybe a tired Bya and a frustrated Renji losing control of his reiatsu? Guess we'll have to see...  
> *For my fellow freaks, it takes a minute for this story to get to any kinda citrusy goodness, but I swear on my plot kittens that there is a good reason.


	2. In the Office

Previously, on 'Healing the Moon':  
_((Not looking at him, Byakuya replied softly, "What the monkey does not realize is that while the moon appears whole, it is actually broken into a thousand pieces beyond repair...and so is not worth catching."_  
_Then his captain was gone.))_  
x

(Wednesday Morning- the next few chaps take place over the course of Wed)

Byakuya was at his desk even earlier than usual the next morning. After his encounter with his second-in-command last night, he'd returned to his lonely home, unconsciously resenting the solitude. His staff tended to keep to their quarters when their duties were done, and whenever Rukia was in, she usually stayed in the suite of rooms she had picked as her own. This left Byakuya to his own devices most of the time.

He'd been unable to sleep, tossing and turning as images of bronze eyes and crimson hair chased his mind in confusing circles. This is why he now stared at his desk without seeing the cursed thing, his tired mind still stumbling in circles that revolved around the Rukon Dog.

Though, he supposed, perhaps that wasn't quite as bad as nightmares invading his sleep.

He gave a soft sigh, tracing the edge of his desk with one slim finger. He was quite sure that when Renji had asked about the monkey fable last night, the younger man hadn't actually been talking about the story. So when he'd replied to the redhead's question, it had been the first thing that came to mind. The damn moon wasn't really what was broken, and he wondered if Renji could've possibly understood...

With a frown, he struggled to refocus on the paperwork and duties that had kept him from losing his mind over the last century, trying not to think about that bright smile or intense auburn eyes...damn, he was doing it again!

"Sir?"

Byakuya's head snapped up to see the torture known as his lieutenant standing in the doorway of the office.

~X~X~X~X~

Renji noticed how his captain's shoulders squared at his appearance, tensing as if for battle. Those dark violet-steel eyes narrowed dangerously, but Renji's attention was captured by the shadows under them. The noble looked exhausted. Had Byakuya not slept well?

Feeling a tug of worry, Renji stepped further into the room, asking softly, "Captain, are you ok? You... you look kinda tired."

The platinum eyes narrowed further and his superior snapped, "I am fine, Lieutenant Abarai. It is none of your concern."

Taken aback by the vicious tone, Renji felt his spine stiffen defensively. Geez, see where concern got him? It probably would've hurt less if the ravenette had just slapped him. After last night, he thought it'd be ok to at least ask if his commanding officer was doing alright! What an arrogant...

Renji clenched his jaw against the sharp retort growling in his chest, words that would surely be considered insubordination and get him in trouble. He barely managed to get out some words that sounded half-way respectful. "Of course it's not, sir. Forgive me. I'll find some duties elsewhere for now and stay out of your way."

Without waiting for a reply of any kind, he spun and headed for the door, his steps just short of running. He was not fleeing, dammit! But he could feel his spiritual pressure fluctuating, and he knew that could give him away to anyone that could read reiatsu... like his captain. He had to get out of here, get somewhere where he could get a handle on his shit before all his secrets came out.

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya tensed as spiritual pressure began flaring off of Renji in waves. The younger man was usually good at keeping his energy controlled, but now it lashed through the room, raising the fine hairs on the back of Byakuya's neck.  
His lieutenant was striding towards the door, and Byakuya didn't realize he'd planned on speaking until the words "Wait, Lieutenant Abarai." had fallen from his lips.

The Rukon Dog froze mid-stride, hand outstretched for the door. Byakuya could sense that the younger man was desperately trying to rein in his energy, but it was like trying to stop a storm.  
Byakuya frowned thoughtfully; nobody lost control of their reiatsu to this extent without reason. In an effort to find out what was disturbing his subordinate, he closed his eyes to focus on the energy flooding the office.

First off, it was at a similar level to when Renji was engaged in full battle, fierce and wild. Cords of aggression radiated from the man by the door, spreading along the floor, walls, and ceiling. Anger, frustration, resentment... pain. Such unbearable, soul-deep _agony._  
Why? What force could possibly hurt the brash, cocky redhead?  
Just as Byakuya asked himself this, an image of Renji when he'd snapped at him passed through his mind. Renji had only asked if he was ok, and had been affected by his vicious reply. There had been hurt in the dark amber eyes, and he had taken no notice until now.

Byakuya tensed as the waves of energy surged closer, surrounding him. He realized that the closer the spiritual pressure came, the softer and lighter it became. The aggression faded, leaving pain in the feathery strands that coiled passively around him. As the aggression faded from the tangible energy, other feelings made themselves known. Linked with the pain was worry and concern, and a sort of tenderness Byakuya wouldn't have expected from the fiery Rukon Dog.

The energy was stopping a few inches from his skin; even as it surrounded him, the younger man's spiritual pressure was refusing to make contact, leaving the noble with only vague impressions of fear... and want. Byakuya frowned; what did his subordinate really want?

Curiosity got the better of him, and he impulsively raised a hand and thrust it into the drifting threads of energy. Byakuya gasped as, for the first time, he realized what Renji really felt.  
Everything flooded forth, overwhelming him. Desire, strong and fiery, washed over his skin, passion that made his heart pound. Renji _**wanted**_ him, more than he'd ever wanted anything in his life.  
At the same time, the fierce, almost possessive passion was tempered by tenderness and a powerful need to protect. Fear and pain were still deeply entwined in the energy; his lieutenant wanted him, but was far too afraid of him to do anything about it, and it was hurting the warrior's soul. The Rukon Dog's spirit was breaking.

With a gasp, Byakuya jerked backwards, away from the bigger Soul Reaper's reiatsu, as painful, frightening memories unburied themselves to strike him.

~X~X~X~X~

Renji was barely breathing, frozen in the same damn spot. He hadn't moved a hair since his captain had said 'wait', so he was still staring at the door. He frantically tried to restrain his spiritual pressure, but it kept slipping out of his control like water.

He prayed Byakuya wouldn't attempt to read his energy; there was no telling what secrets he'd decipher. Then something unexpected happened - he felt Byakuya actually touch the strands of reiatsu. He heard the smallest gasp, and knew that the older man was reading him like a book.

Fuck! Renji bowed his head in defeat, knowing the proud noble would probably be disgusted. Then he heard another gasp, and the clatter of a chair falling over just as his energy was relinquished.

Alarmed, he looked over his shoulder, only to see something that damn near broke his heart. His captain was standing against the wall behind his desk, staring at him. There was no disgust in the wide silver-violet eyes, but something far worse. Fear. Byakuya looked terrified, as if he expected Renji to do something awful to him.

Renji felt guilt flood him, even though he didn't understand why his powerful superior would be frightened. He started to step towards the ravenette, just wanting to make that scared look go away. "Captain Ku-" he cut off when the noble pressed harder against the wall and made a tiny noise like a whimper. Renji froze, holding his hands where Byakuya could see them.

He wondered what he could have possibly done to make his captain act like a cornered, abused animal. But whatever it was, it had to be his fault.

"I... I'm so sorry, Captain." he whispered, lowering his eyes to the floor. "I'm gonna, umm, take a sick day. I'll be back when you've got my transfer set up."  
He backed away until he hit the door, surprised to hear Byakuya's voice.  
"Tra-transfer?"

He nodded, still not looking at his captain... his moon. "I'm not stupid; there ain't no way you still want me in your squad."

He turned and slipped out the door, not hearing his name breathed into the office.

~X~X~X~X~

"Renji." Byakuya breathed as he slid down the wall to sit on the floor. Transfer? Where the hell had that come from? He most certainly had not been thinking of transferring his lieutenant. He sighed and leaned his head against his knees. The memories that had hit him, made him cower from the Rukon Dog... memories of pain and fear. He had not been able to explain to Renji what was wrong, but feeling that fierce desire from the younger man, and his buried memories rushing at him... for a moment, he'd been terrified that the bigger Soul Reaper was going to do the same thing.

But Byakuya had seen the confusion and crushed devastation in those coppery eyes; Renji had never intended to frighten him, much less harm him. Byakuya took several deep, steadying breaths and forced himself to focus on everything he'd felt in his subordinate's reiatsu.

The desire, the consuming passion- he clenched his jaw against the thought that Renji would vent these on him against his will.

Fear and pain- this made his chest tighten as he realized he was responsible for the presence of these; he did not want Renji to be afraid of him, nor did he want to cause the younger man to suffer.

Tenderness and a need to protect- Byakuya gasped and pushed himself to his feet. Renji wanted to _protect_ him, he would never hurt him. And now the Rukon Dog thought he didn't want him in his squad anymore!

Trying to compose himself, the Squad 6 Captain left orders for his Third-Seat and followed the faint path of distraught reiatsu as quickly as he could. He had to make this right!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, 2 chappies down! Boy, Bya sure is acting odd! I'm pretty sure I'm making it clear what his problem is, but in case I was too subtle, Renji figures it out next chap. BTW Bya's reaction to Renji liking him was for the same reason this fic is gonna take a bit to get to any citrusy stuff.
> 
> x
> 
> Next time on 'HtM'- Chapter 3: Byakuya's Truth


	3. Byakuya's Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for mention of past rape/assault

Warning: implication of past rape.

Chapter 3: Byakuya's Truth

x  
Previously, on 'Healing the Moon':  
 _((Trying to compose himself, the Squad 6 Captain left orders for his Third-Seat and followed the faint path of distraught riatsu as quickly as he could. He had to make this right!))_  
x

As soon as he'd left the Squad 6 building, Renji had started flash-stepping as if a hollow was on his ass. He didn't stop until he reached his private quarters, which he had customized with things he liked from the World of the Living.

He threw himself inside, slamming and locking his front door. He realized how badly he was shaking, and he sank to the floor as tears came to his eyes. He didn't understand what had happened in the office, but knew it was his fault. Fuck! Why couldn't he have just kept his stupid spiritual pressure under control?! He muttered to the empty room. "Nice work. You just ruined everything."

With a sigh, he pushed himself up off of the floor and headed to the bathroom, where he'd had a shower installed.  
He stripped and stepped under the stinging spray. After a few moments of letting the spray disguise his shameful tears of loss, he lathered up with the cherry blossom-scented products that he'd stockpiled on his last excursion to the Living World. The scent reminded him of his captain, though they did no justice to the actual aroma of the Kuchiki heir. Renji had gotten close enough to smell him a few times, and these products paled in comparison.

He felt his chest tighten at the realization; after what had happened in the office, he probably wouldn't even get to _see_ his perfect moon anymore, much less get to smell him. His superior surely hated him now because of what had been in his reiatsu- a street rat having a crush on a noble. What a dumb-ass monkey he was, chasing the moon that didn't even care about the monkey's existence.

As Renji finished rinsing off, a sound caught his attention. With a frown, he turned the shower off and listened intently. A soft knock echoed from the direction of his front door.

What the hell?

It was a workday, none of his friends would be here right now.

Renji grit his teeth as he grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his hips. He strode for his front door, intending to tell whoever was out there that he was in _**no**_ fuckin' mood for company.

The soft knocking came again, and he growled loudly as he reached his front door. "Yeah, yeah, keep your panties on. I'm comin'."

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya was almost shaking with apprehension. What on earth had he been thinking? He'd come, unannounced and uninvited, to the Rukon Dog's home! He must have lost his sense somewhere on the way here.

At his last knock, he heard the aggressive reply, and he lowered his hand, trying to ignore the odd shiver that ran up his spine at the sound of the deep, rough voice.

He shouldn't be here, he should turn and leave... just then, the door swung open, and Byakuya found himself staring at a broad chest decorated with black designs. Crystalline droplets of water covered the smooth tan skin, and he swallowed as he lifted his eyes to meet shocked bronze.

Renji seemed stunned to find him outside his door, and the first thing the redhead said? "Are you lost?"

Byakuya shook his head, noticing that the younger man's eyes looked bloodshot. Had Renji been crying? The bloodshot eyes narrowed a bit, then shifted off to the side as his subordinate spoke quietly. "You didn't have to bring my transfer papers here, sir. I woulda come got them, or you coulda just sent somebody else."

Byakuya frowned, realizing Renji must still think he was getting kicked out of Squad 6. "There are no transfer papers."

His lieutenant sighed, keeping his eyes averted. "Then... then why are you here, Captain? You really that mad at me?"

Byakuya replied softly, "I came here to apologize to you."

Renji's eyes met his again, wide and disbelieving. "Huh? You... what?"

Byakuya tilted his head, keeping his tone gentle so the crimsonette would know he wasn't in trouble. "Do you normally make your guests stand outside?"

Realization washed over the features of the bigger Soul Reaper. "No, I don't. Um, you... do you wanna come in?"  
Byakuya nodded, trying to hide his nervousness as he stepped into the younger man's home for the first time. It was quite neat, and while not sparse, it wasn't lavish, either, and felt inviting.

The comfortable-looking furniture beckoned, but Byakuya refocused on Renji, noticing for the first time how the Rukon Dog was dressed... or not dressed, to be precise. A black towel was slung low on lean hips, barely reaching the knees.  
Byakuya realized he was staring, and quickly averted his eyes, hoping he was imagining the warmth in his cheeks.  
"I need to apologize for my actions earlier."

~X~X~X~X~

Renji was surprised and confused by what was going on here, and at Byakuya's last words, he felt shock flood him. What in the world could his captain be apologizing for? For that matter, this was the first time he'd ever heard of the Kuchiki heir apologizing to anyone for anything!

He managed to ask, "Wha- what actions, sir? You didn't do anything wrong."

The noble gave a small sigh and met his eyes. "All of my actions. I should not have snapped at you when you were simply inquiring as to my well-being. Then... it was wrong of me to read your reiatsu the way I did. Just because you were losing control of your energy, did not give me the right to invade it like that."

Renji lowered his eyes from the older man's, trying not to let his voice shake. "That... that's ok, sir. I was in your office, and you're my captain, and it... it was pretty much all about you anyway, so I guess if anyone has the right..." He trailed off awkwardly, not sure how to complete that sentence.

He didn't realize he had backed away from his guest or that he'd started fidgeting with the ends of his wet crimson hair, caught up in his confusion and shame over what had happened in the office.

"Lieutenant?"

His head snapped up at the sound of the soft voice. "Yes, sir?"  
Oh, looking at his captain was a bad idea! The older man was just standing there, but he looked unsure of himself, almost vulnerable in a way. Protectiveness flooded Renji, a desire to keep the ravenette safe and shield him from any threat.

He tried to banish that foolish thought; the smaller Soul Reaper could damn well take care of himself, and would probably not welcome the thought that his subordinate wanted to keep him safe.

But Renji couldn't help it- the more he looked at the noble, who seemed as uncertain as himself, the stronger the protective urge got. He didn't realize his spiritual energy was leaking out of his control, intent on following his thoughts.

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya held perfectly still, barely breathing as reiatsu began feathering out from his lieutenant. The younger man was gazing at him thoughtfully, and didn't seem to notice what his energy was up to.

Soft and subtle, the spiritual pressure surrounded him, but as in the office, didn't press upon him or even make contact. Byakuya could sense the same desire from before, but now the protectiveness was even stronger. He whispered, "Renji?"

Auburn eyes widened at him, and his lieutenant replied just as quietly, "Yes, Taicho?"

He took a deep, shaky breath and forced himself to ask, "I know we have had our differences, and we have fought more than once, with you striving to beat me. But... you would not maliciously do anything just to harm me, would you?"

Looking horrified by the mere thought, the crimsonette shook his head. "Never, sir. I wouldn't do nothin' to hurt you."

Byakuya kept his eyes on Renji's as he continued quietly. "I also need to apologize for my reaction after reading your energy in the office."

The Rukon Dog suddenly looked ashamed, and the reiatsu surrounding them pulsed with guilt, confusion, and worry. "You looked... you looked scared of me, Taicho. I know there's a lotta shit on my mind you probably didn't like, but I dunno what you coulda read in my energy that would make you react like that, like you thought I was gonna do something awful to you."

The younger man lowered his eyes, looking devastated as he backed up a step. Byakuya tried to steady his breathing, wondering how he could explain. "It was not your fault I reacted the way I did, Renji. Don't blame yourself. I just... when I felt the desire you have for me, it made me think of something else, something that made me react to your desire with fear."

Confused bronze eyes lifted to his, and Renji tilted his head in puzzlement. Then his eyes narrowed and he asked in a tight voice, "Captain, has... has anyone ever touched you when you didn't want them to?"

Byakuya hesitated, then lowered his eyes, unable to answer. The energy around him throbbed with sudden, helpless pain and a swiftly growing anger. He heard his lieutenant step closer, snarling words that vibrated with barely controlled fury. "Who? Captain, who hurt you? Where is he?"

Slowly, Byakuya looked up to see Renji standing in front of him, shaking, with his fists clenched at his sides. There was absolute murder in those intense coppery eyes, and Byakuya briefly wondered how it would feel for this man to avenge him.  
But... "It does not matter, Renji." The Rukon Dog's mouth opened to protest, but he continued, "He was killed by a hollow; after a month of coming to 'visit' me, he died, and I have never been so relieved to learn of a person's death."

Renji looked conflicted; his chance to punish his captain's tormentor taken away, but relieved that this person was no longer around to bother his victim. Then the redhead sucked in a breath. "A.. a month? Then, this didn't just happen once?"

Byakuya shook his head, somehow comforted by the protective rage that flooded the younger man's energy. His lieutenant was quiet for a few moments, staring down at his clenched fists. Then the bigger Soul Reaper whispered, "Fuckin' hell, that's why you reacted the way you did. You felt my desire for you, and... and you thought... you seriously thought _I_ would try to hurt you like that."

Byakuya's chest tightened at the tone of pure devastation in Renji's voice, and he stepped closer, tentatively laying his hand on one of the large, clenched fists. "Only for a moment, Renji. It really wasn't your fault that I reacted like that; I know you wouldn't harm me in such a way. Yes, I felt the desire in your reiatsu, but I also felt your need to protect. You felt so protective over me, _without_ knowing what happened. That is why I had to come apologize to you."

~X~X~X~X~

Renji's mind was in turmoil over what Byakuya had told him, and he stared down at the pale, slender fingers splayed over his darker tanned fist. Slowly, he relaxed his fist, surprised when his captain's hand stayed on his. It was smaller than his own; compared to his hand, the noble's almost appeared delicate. He was reluctant to lower his hand, not wanting to lose this gentle contact.

Keeping his eyes on their hands, he whispered, "I'd never hurt you, Taicho, not like that. You... you're important to me, which you probably gathered when we were in the office. You ain't gotta apologize for how you reacted; I understand now."

He heard his superior reply softly, "My reaction hurt you, and for that, I really am sorry, Renji. I am glad you understand. As of right now, only two people know what happened, and they are both in this room."

Renji glanced up to meet the smaller Soul Reaper's dark silver-amethyst eyes and swallowed painfully, lowering his hand from his captain's touch. His precious moon really was broken, just like Byakuya had said last night. Even knowing this, he felt a possessive desire creeping through him, wanting to comfort the older man, and at the same time, claim him and show him that he didn't have to be afraid.

With a slight shake of his head, Renji stepped back as memories of his own surfaced. Growing up in Hanging Dog had been so hard, and he hadn't always been as strong as he was now. "I do understand, sir. There are always people who wanna hurt others. I know what that experience is like, Captain Kuchiki, and believe me when I say that even if I didn't have feelings for you, or didn't know what you've been through, I'd never do something like that. I'd never force anything, especially something so awful and scary."

Dark eyes widened up at him, and he sighed. "Growing up as a fuckin' Rukon Dog is a lot worse than people think. It's not unusual to get violated when you live on the streets. I was one of the few that didn't let it destroy me; I've been able to be with partners since then."

He tilted his head at his captain, who was staring at him with realization, and softened his tone. "I don't really get the feeling that _you_ have, though."

A light blush covered the smaller Soul Reaper's cheeks as he gave a tiny shake of his head, breathing, "N-no. He... he's the only man..um.."

Renji gave a quiet snort, finally comfortable enough to be a bit more himself. "Tha's fucked up, cap'n. Bastard better be glad he's dead, nicer than what I woulda done if I'da been able to get my hands on him."

The noble stared up at him, then took a small step closer. The older man had a look of tentative trust and vulnerability in those deep silvery-violet eyes, and Renji felt conflicted. If Byakuya had never been with a guy besides the one that hurt him, what would be the right thing to do? Did... did his beautiful, broken moon wanna give him a chance?

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya was stunned by what Renji had shared with him- apparently, the redhead really did understand. He could feel the energy in the room pulsating with desire as he stepped closer to his lieutenant. It was that heart-pounding passion he'd sensed in the office, blended with fierce protectiveness.

But there was a guilty conflict in those cinnamon eyes, as if Renji felt bad for still wanting him, and was confused and unsure of what to do next.

"Renji, what's wrong?" he asked softly.

The younger man spoke in a voice barely above a growl. "Not to doubt your abilities, sir, but I dunno if you could handle all the shit that's in my head right now."

Byakuya whispered, "Try me."

The intense auburn eyes narrowed a bit in contemplation. "First of all, when I asked 'bout the story last night, is this why you gave me the answer you did? About the moon being in pieces and not worth catching?"

Byakuya gave a tiny nod. "Yes, because I was quite sure you were not really asking about the story itself."

The bigger Soul Reaper nodded, watching him thoughtfully. "I wasn't. Well, what you went through... I don't wanna make that worse. I don't want to... break the moon more than it already is. If you're not really ready, that's exactly what's gonna happen if you try to move on. And I don't have a fuckin' clue what you want or expect from me right now. Not even sure you know what you want. All I know is it seems like we're both treading on some dangerous ground right now, and that if I say or do anything wrong, I'll be picking tiny pink blades outta my skin for weeks. If I survive, that is."

It took Byakuya a moment to realize what his lieutenant meant. He glanced down to where Senbonzakura rested at his hip, and sensed an immediate flare of apprehension from the Rukon Dog. He asked softly, "Where do you keep Zabimaru?"

His host gestured towards a small table by the front door, where his zanpakuto rested. He stepped over and gently laid his own weapon beside the one whose energy was almost familiar as it's master's. He met surprised bronze eyes as he slowly moved back to where he had been, standing in front of his predatory subordinate who was still wearing only the towel.

"Is that better?" he asked gently, and saw Renji's eyes flick to where he'd left his lethal sword.

The crimsonette nodded. "Yeah, a little. I'm still not sure what you want, and I'd hate to... to scare you. The way you looked at me in your office... I'd rather die than see that look again."

Byakuya hesitated, unsure of what he wanted. Then his lieutenant seemed to realize their current circumstances, glancing down at his towel with a grimace. "Oh gods, you coulda mentioned I been wearing a towel this whole damn time!"

Byakuya raised an eyebrow. "I assumed you were aware of your state of dress."

He watched as Renji blushed and muttered, "I was kinda distracted." The taller man started to turn away towards the hall, then paused, lifting those bright auburn eyes to him. "Sir? Are you... do you gotta get back to work?"

Byakuya shook his head. "No. I'm taking my first sick day in decades."

A pleased smile curved the redhead's lips as he spoke in a rather shy-sounding tone. "Ok. Um, if you wanna make yourself comfortable, I'll go get dressed and make us some tea."

Byakuya nodded, watching the Rukon Dog disappear down the hallway. He moved to the couch and sank down with a sigh. It felt strange not to be in the office at this time of day, but he really was too tired to work right now. As he settled on the comfortable couch, he couldn't deny his relief at not being at his desk.

The urge to relax was overwhelming, and he found himself removing his accessories; his kensaiken, hand-guards, and scarf were carefully placed on the end-table. After a moment, he removed his sandals and tabi as well, curling his legs up next to him and laying his head on a throw pillow that smelled like Renji.

Between his lack of sleep and the emotional strain of the day, he felt so exhausted...

~X~X~X~X~

Renji tried to calm down, though it was all but impossible. His captain knew how he felt, and he hadn't been 'Scatter'ed into oblivion. Byakuya had seemed to simply accept his feelings, and even if he didn't return them, the noble knowing and not flat-out rejecting his existence was more than Renji had ever dared to really hope for.

He was dressed in a pair of hakamas and a light yukata, and had tied his still-damp hair into a braid. He headed back towards the front room, ready to make tea, when he saw the most lovely, heart-tugging sight.

His broken moon was cutely curled up on his couch, barefoot and devoid of his silvery heirlooms. The slow rise and fall of the slender frame under the captain's haori told him his guest had fallen asleep. Renji padded closer, absorbing the adorable charm that his powerful superior exuded at the moment. The fine-featured face was half buried in one of his pillows, and he was struck by the rare peace radiating out from the ravenette.

Renji smiled to himself, thinking, 'I knew he looked tired.' Deciding tea could wait a bit, he got the soft throw blanket off of the back of the couch and carefully laid it over his sleeping captain. The older man shifted in his sleep, slender fingers curling around the edge of the blanket as ebony strands of hair drifted into the pale face. Impulsively, Renji reached out to tenderly smooth the rogue hairs back, gazing at his beautiful moon for a few more moments and wishing he could make everything in the noble's life ok.

After watching his sleeping superior longer than he probably should have, Renji very quietly stood and headed for the kitchen to see what he could scrounge up to eat. He's become a fan of food from the World of the Living and was stocked up. Hmm, it was about lunchtime... he grinned when he realized he had the makings for chili, one of his favorite things, and a hearty comfort food. Perfect!

Trying to be quiet so as not to wake his sleeping guest in the other room, Renji started cooking. Soon, warm, wonderful scents were filling the air. The chili was almost done when he heard a sound from the other room.

He poked his head out to see Byakuya sitting up and blinking at the blanket that covered him. "Hey Cap'n, I made something to eat. You hungry?"

The dark, sleepy eyes lifted to his, and the ravenette nodded. Renji grinned. "Alright. Stay there, I'll bring the food in a sec." He returned to the chili, dividing it into two bowls and grabbing a couple of spoons.

He glanced up to see Byakuya in the doorway, with the throw blanket wrapped around his shoulders. His superior still looked tired as shit, asking, "How long was I asleep?"

Renji shrugged as he gathered their lunch. "Not long, half an hour at most. Now go on; we can eat on the couch."

The smaller Soul Reaper frowned at him. "I do not take well to being told what to do."

Renji grinned at his adorable guest. "Ah, but Taicho, you're in my house, and apparently we're both too sick to work, so it's my job to take care of ya. Now shoo!" He stomped his feet as if he fully intended to chase his captain from the kitchen.

Dark eyes widened at him, then Byakuya tilted his head haughtily and walked back to the couch like it was his own idea all along. Smirking at the cuteness of his moon's pride, Renji followed with their lunch.

They settled on the couch with the food, and Renji had to hold back an eye-roll when Byakuya asked almost skeptically, "So, you can cook?"

He huffed at the noble. "Nah, I snuck someone else in here to do it. Yeah I can cook, and I'm not bad at it, and you don't gotta sound so damn surprised."

He was about to start eating, when he felt a hand on his arm and heard a soft voice. "It seems I must apologize again. I did not mean to offend you. Other than a few simple things, I cannot cook."

Surprised to hear there was something he could do that his superior could not, Renji looked over at his guest, only to see the ravenette take his first bite. A warm satisfaction spread through him as the Kuchiki heir's platinum eyes widened and he heard a tiny moan. Byakuya began eating with as much enthusiasm as his noble manners would allow (which was more enthusiasm than Renji had ever seen him eat with) and he started eating to hide his smile.

They finished their meal in companionable silence, then Renji took their bowls to the kitchen and started some tea. He poured two small glasses of milk for them to drink until the tea was done and rejoined his captain on the couch, asking, "So you liked my chili? It wasn't too spicy for you?"

Byakuya shook his head. "No, it was very good. I happen to like spicy food."

Renji smiled at the compliment, but as he looked at the older man, he felt his smile fading. What the noble had told him came to the front of his mind, and questions rose, questions he wasn't sure how to ask, or if he even _should_ ask.

But, if he was going to try to fix his broken moon, there were things he needed to know.

x

x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, next chap's gonna be a bit more serious, cause Renji needs to know what happened, and Bya needs to talk about it, even if he doesn't realize it.
> 
> Next time on 'HtM'- Chapter 4: Safety


	4. Safety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for a recounting of past rape/assault. I don't really think it's *explicit*, but some may not agree. Read at your own discretion.

Warning: non-explicit recounting of past rape

Chapter 4: Safety

x  
Previously, on 'Healing the Moon':  
 _((Renji smiled at the compliment, but as he looked at the older man, he felt his smile fading. What the noble had told him came to the front of his mind, and questions rose, questions he wasn't sure how to ask, or if he even_ should _ask._  
 _But, if he was going to try to fix his broken moon, there were things he needed to know. ))_  
x

Byakuya sensed his lieutenant's scrutiny, and glanced up to meet cautious dark amber eyes. The Rukon Dog seemed wary, as if he wanted to ask something, but was afraid of the response. He asked softly, "What is it?"

The bigger Soul Reaper shifted nervously and cleared his throat. "Well, sir, I... um, may I ask some questions?"

Byakuya hesitated- he had a feeling these 'questions' would pertain to a part of his past that he'd never discussed, and didn't really want to. Yet, he could tell Renji was concerned and only wanted to help him. Finally, he answered quietly, "You may ask, but I reserve my right whether or not to answer."

The crimsonette nodded and shifted to face him. "Of course you don't gotta answer if you don't wanna! I just wanted to make sure you wouldn't use kido on me for askin'."

Byakuya sighed and dropped his eyes to his hands as he folded them in his lap. "I can tell you wish to ask, not to upset me, but to help. I am not sure how this will help, but I trust you."

He sensed the younger man's pleased surprise at his words. "You trust me?"

He glanced up to meet warm cinnamon eyes and replied softly, "If I did not trust you, you would not be my lieutenant, and I certainly wouldn't be in your home with nobody else except us."

Byakuya felt a slow smile curving his lips as Renji's face reddened. "Ri-right, sir. That makes sense." Then the redhead whispered, "You've got a beautiful smile, Taicho. You should do it more often."

He shrugged as he folded his legs up next to him, tucking his bare feet under the blanket. "There is not much that makes me smile; however, you blushing might become a reliable source of my smile."

The Rukon Dog grinned at him, mirroring his position and sliding his own feet under the blanket. "You have no idea how much I'd love to be the source of your smile, sir."

Wanting to be in contact with his protective subordinate, and knowing Renji wouldn't initiate it, Byakuya impulsively shifted his feet until they were touching the other, warmer pair. He saw Renji blink in surprise, glance at him, then look at the floor. His lieutenant was blushing and had a tiny smile on his face, but didn't say anything and didn't move his feet away.

Byakuya waited a moment to let Renji get used to the fact that he'd initiated any kind of nonviolent contact, then he asked softly, "Did you not have questions for me?"

The younger man's head snapped up, that cautious, almost guilty look back in his dark honey eyes. Byakuya felt the warm feet press gently against his, as if the bigger Soul Reaper were subtly trying to brace and comfort him for what was to come.

Renji whispered, "How... how old were you?"

Byakuya took a deep, slightly shaky breath as he let the buried memory begin to unfold. "I was 15. It... It's actually been over a century; it started about a week after that devil cat left the Seireitei."

He saw Renji tilt his head. "Devil cat? Oh, Yorurichi, sir?"

He nodded. "She would often help me train, usually by annoying me into chasing her with flash-step. Then, one day, she vanished, and I didn't know why. I felt abandoned."

He met Renji's startled coppery eyes and sighed. "I do not blame her in any way for what happened. But I did feel abandoned, and I was so hurt and angry and confused... I didn't realize one of the guards had started watching me."

~X~X~X~X~

Renji felt his chest tighten as his captain spoke, and when the ravenette said a guard had been watching him, he noticed the small, cool feet pressing harder against his. Realizing that Byakuya probably wasn't aware of that action, Renji let the smaller feet burrow under his and covered them with his own.

The noble continued speaking softly. "A week after she left, I was training like I always did, and when I was done, I went to the changing area. I felt someone grab my arm, and when I tried to pull away, I was slammed into the wall. I had not obtained Senbonzakura yet, and hadn't started kido training. I had no way to stop him."

Renji was filled with horror for the boy his captain had once been. He opened his mouth to stop his superior; he had only asked how old he'd been, and the more the Kuchiki heir spoke, the more Renji could feel him shaking. But when he opened his mouth, Byakuya gave a slight shake of his head, an intense vulnerability in those dark eyes as he breathed, "Don't... don't stop me, please?"

Renji realized the older man had probably never told a soul about this, and now that he'd started, he needed to finish, or at least get as far as he could. He gave a tiny nod and gently rubbed the ravenette's feet with his own, afraid of making any other physical contact with his traumatized moon at the moment.

He may have imagined it, but Byakuya seemed soothed by his actions, and he felt the smaller feet shift against his as his captain spoke in a soft voice. "I tried to fight at first, but he had a dagger. Weapons weren't supposed to be allowed in the changing area. He cut me and said that if I struggled, he'd kill me. He was bigger and stronger; I knew he could do it. So... I... I stopped fighting, Renji."

Renji swallowed past the lump in his throat, determined not to cry so Byakuya wouldn't think he pitied him. But oh gods, he _ached_ for his precious moon as he whispered, "Where... where did he cut you?"

With only a hint of hesitation, Byakuya tilted his head far back and pointed to the underside of his jaw. Renji leaned close to see; there, just inside the curve of his captain's jaw, was a thin white scar over an inch long. Unable to help himself, Renji lifted his hand and tenderly traced the scar with a fingertip, breathing, "Oh, Taicho."

He felt the older man tense at his touch, but only for a heartbeat. Then the ravenette relaxed, allowing him to touch the scar and all the horror it represented.

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya held very still, absorbing the feel of his lieutenant tenderly stroking the scar that nobody, not even Hisana, had known about. He sensed the storm of emotion the Rukon Dog felt; rage, pain, and sorrow, all for him and what he'd endured.

But Byakuya also noticed the absence of the two reactions he'd always expected if he ever divulged his secret- Renji didn't pity him or think him weak, and the younger man felt no disgust towards him, even when Byakuya had said he'd stopped fighting. Instead, Renji still felt protective, and every touch made Byakuya feel precious.

He found himself relaxing more, even though he was very aware that in his effort to see the scar, the bigger Soul Reaper was leaning over him. The gentle finger traced his scar once more, then left his skin. Byakuya lifted his head to see Renji gazing at him, then the crimsonette slowly pulled away to where he'd been sitting.

His lieutenant didn't look as if he expected any more of his story, but Byakuya felt the need to unburden himself now that he'd told as much as he had. He was about to do so, when he smelled the tea. "Renji, I believe the tea is done. If you'll get us some, I'll tell you the rest."  
His companion looked surprised, but obediently got up and went into the kitchen.

Moments later, he reappeared with a tea set and two cups, sitting down and making one cup to give to him. Byakuya took it, sipping the brew while watching his subordinate make his own cup, speaking softly. "You don't have to tell me any more if you don't wanna, sir. Like I said, I've been forced, too, so I'm pretty sure I know what happens next."

Byakuya spoke quietly. "I have never told anyone any of this, and now that I've started... I..." he trailed off uncertainly, but Renji's head came up, and fiercely determined bronze eyes met his.  
"If you need to talk, I will always listen, Taicho. Always."

Touched, Byakuya murmured, "Thank you, Renji. Now please get your feet back up here; mine are cold."  
With a shy grin, the Rukon Dog obeyed, shifting into his previous position and sliding his feet back under the blanket to cradle Byakuya's. "That better?"

He nodded and rewarded the younger man with a smile. "Much. Thank you."  
Renji blushed, still wearing that shy smile. "Anytime, sir."  
Byakuya took a deep breath, letting it out in a sigh. His lieutenant sobered, watching him solemnly as he breathed, "I'll always listen, Taicho."

Reassured that he was making the right decision to confide in the bigger Soul Reaper, Byakuya spoke softly. "I don't remember everything, pieces are missing. I think my mind blocked some of it out." At the redhead's understanding nod, he continued. "I do remember the pain, it...it hurt so badly, I thought he was using the dagger at first. But somehow I realized there was no way a blade could fi-fill my body like th-that." He saw the sympathy in Renji's eyes, as well as the devastation caused by the thought of his suffering.

In that moment, Byakuya Kuchiki knew that if his assailant was still alive, Renji Abarai would hunt him down without a shred of mercy. But there was nothing the warrior could do now other than listen and offer what comfort he could. Even now, he felt the warm feet press against his tentatively, as if Renji wasn't sure even this attempt at solace was welcome. Grateful that Renji was trying to comfort him, Byakuya shifted his own feet, and saw relief flicker over his host's features that his attempt wasn't being rejected.

He continued relaying his fractured memories, trying to ignore the occasional stammer that he couldn't seem to control. "Afterwards, I remember there was blo-blood... I was bleeding. But at some point, he'd laid down a towel so there wouldn't be any ev-evidence. He said that if I told anyone what had happened, nobody would believe me, and that even if I was believed, I... I would be blamed. He told me everyone would say it was my fault, if they bothered to listen to me me. I believed him."

He saw Renji's shoulders tense and heard the muttered, "Bastard."

He nodded in agreement. "He also said that if I did tell anyone, whether they believed me or not, then next time would be worse. Those words frightened me more than anything- to know there was going to _be_ a next time."

Byakuya could see a faint shimmer of unshed tears in the auburn eyes as Renji gave a small, sympathetic nod and whispered, "He wanted you to be scared, the sick fuck. You said something earlier about a month?"

Byakuya nodded. "I never went to a healer, which is why I still have the scar from his dagger. I was terrified that if I went for treatment, someone would find out what had happened, and everything he said would come true. It... it wasn't every day, but for two weeks, he frequently caught me after training. Since I couldn't tell anyone, I had no reason to miss my training, and he was always there, watching me. Then one day, he wasn't at his post, and I was so excited! I thought he'd been transferred, and that I was safe."

Byakuya felt his throat tighten as the memory progressed. "Then... then I went home, and found out that he _had_ been transferred... to the Kuchiki manor."

~X~X~X~X~

Renji damn near exploded. "Your fuckin' _**home**_?! Gods, if there's anywhere you're supposed to feel safe, it's your own damn home! Didn't anybody suspect him?"

His captain shook his head, dark chrome eyes lifting to his. "No. He was a model guard, and he was respectful to me if anyone else was around. But he... he found out which rooms were mine, and spent the next two weeks 'visiting' me every chance he got, which was a... a bit more often than when he'd only had access to me at the training grounds."

Furious, but afraid of losing his temper around his broken moon, Renji cracked his knuckles, his vivid imagination supplying him with images of a 15 year-old Byakuya being terrorized by some faceless man. He managed to whisper, "Didn't your family notice you were acting strangely? Or friends? People don't act the same when they're going through something like that, trust me. Didn't... didn't **anyone** fuckin' notice?"

Slowly, the noble shook his head. "My family thought I was reacting to Yorurichi's disappearance, and I didn't bother correcting them because of what he had said. As far as friends... well, much like my current life, I didn't really have anyone I considered my friend."

Renji felt his gut twist, knowing that of course the noble captain wouldn't consider his common-born subordinate a friend, but it hurt even worse to think of him as a child and still alone.

Byakuya started speaking again, but this time, his voice sounded stronger than before. "Then the day came when several of our guards were sent to the World of the Living to deal with a hollow outbreak. I ran over to the 12th Division, knowing they'd be monitoring the fight. I snuck in and managed to find a screen nobody was watching. I was hoping... I was _praying_ for another person's death, Renji. Then I saw it. I saw this big red hollow's tail go into his chest and there was so much blood when it came out. I watched that monster die with my own eyes. He was the only casualty."

Renji found himself smirking vindictively, glad that the evil guard had died and viciously pleased that Byakuya had been able to witness it. Not everyone got such closure as seeing their abuser's demise. "Well, damn. As fucked up as it might sound, this is my favorite part of your story."

He could swear that the ravenette was fighting a satisfied smirk of his own as he murmured, "'Fucked up', indeed. It is my favorite part of the memory."

Renji felt his eyes widen in surprise. "Did you just cuss, Taicho?"

The older man tilted his head. "Yes. It is not something I do often, but you may be wearing off on me with your liberal use of foul language."

Renji smiled, then asked in a gentle tone, "So, do you feel better now that you've talked?"

His guest nodded, looking relieved as he gave a soft sigh. "I actually do. Thank you for listening, Renji. Might... might I ask a question of you?"

Renji frowned at the smaller Soul Reaper, surprised by his words. "Of course, Taicho! Geez, I asked you 'bout something really personal, and you actually told me. After that, I say you got the right to ask me whatever you want."

Byakuya regarded him solemnly, speaking quietly. "After the first time, I... I never tried to fight him again. He always had his dagger, and the first several times, he'd make the same threat before sta-starting, that if I struggled, he'd kill me. I never struggled, and if he told me to do something, I did it."  
The dark eyes slid away from his as the proud noble continued in a hushed whisper. "I have always been ashamed of that decision, feeling that it might have been better to fight and die, than live and let him do those things to me. My question is... do you think I did the right thing by giving up?"

Renji felt his heart breaking as he scooted closer and took the slender hands in his own. "Taicho, look at me, please?"

Hesitant violet-silver eyes rose to his, and he could see the shame and fear of judgement. He spoke gently. "Look, I get why you might regret that decision; it's gotta be one nasty stain on that pride of yours. But you asked me, and if you really want my honest opinion, then I'm glad you didn't fight. Well, shit, I know that sounded bad. What I mean is, if you'd fought, he definitely would've hurt you worse, made you suffer more, and he really might've killed you. You would've never accomplished all the good things you've done. You would've never adopted Rukia and given her a privileged life, and she wouldn't have such a great big brother. You wouldn't be Captain, and I... I am truly honored to serve under you, sir."

Byakuya's dark silvery eyes widened, then lowered to their joined hands. Renji heard a faint, choked whisper, "Th-thank you. Thank you so much." He caught his breath when he saw a tear slide down the pale cheek, followed by another and another.

Filled with the urge to comfort his broken moon, Renji shifted and gently pulled on the hands he held.

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya felt a gentle tug on his hands, and looked up at his lieutenant. His vision was blurred by tears, and he could feel them tracking down his cheeks. Embarrassed, he tried to pull one of his hands free so he could wipe his tears away, but Renji held them with a gentle insistence. "Shh, Taicho. It's alright, I ain't gonna hurt you. C'mere."

Byakuya found himself closer to the bigger Soul Reaper as both of his hands were placed in one large hand's careful grasp. Then the Rukon Dog was using his free hand to tenderly wipe his tears away. He trembled at the gentle touch on his cheeks, and it just seemed as if his tears were coming harder. "Re-Renji?"

Through his tears, he could see understanding and sympathy in the concerned honey eyes as Renji spoke in a soft, coaxing tone. "It's alright, sir. Everything's gonna be ok, I ain't gonna let nothin' happen to you."

Byakuya didn't resist as he was guided to lean against a broad, warm chest, and strong arms carefully wrapped around him. For the first time, he truly grieved over what had happened to him, even as he struggled to defend himself to the one that held him. "I n-never cried for him! No ma-matter what he d-did, no matter what he m-made me do, I ne-never cried for him, d-dammit!"

The sobs were shaking his body as Renji held him and rocked him a little, murmuring soothingly, "I know, I know. You did good, Taicho, really good, and I'm so proud of you. It's ok, he can't hurt you ever again. Nobody will, I promise. It's alright, I've got you now, and I promise I won't let nobody hurt you ever, ever again."

As his tears finally abated, Byakuya was breathing raggedly, head on his lieutenant's shoulder. He gave a deep, shaky sigh and realized he felt secure in Renji's embrace. Secure, warm, protected... he felt safe in a way he had not felt since he was 15. The comforting words came back to him, and he whispered, "You... you promised nobody will hurt me again?"

There was a moment of silence, then a nervous laugh vibrated the bigger Soul Reaper's body. "Ye-yeah, I did. I know how stupid it sounds; with how strong you are now, you can whoop my ass, so I don't know how much of a difference I'd really make. But I still meant it, Taicho. I'd do whatever it takes to keep that from happening to you again."

Byakuya not only believed the words, he could feel the protectiveness that consumed the younger man's spiritual pressure. Slowly, he lifted his head from the broad shoulder. "Renji?"  
Warm bronze eyes met his. "Hmm?"

He was quiet, just gazing up at the redhead and absorbing how it felt for those strong arms to be wrapped around him, keeping him safe. It felt... nice.  
After a few moments, Renji seemed to realize that he was still holding his superior officer, and the arms began to pull away. Not wanting to be let go just yet, Byakuya breathed, "It..it's ok."  
Looking a bit uncertain, the Rukon Dog left his arms loosely wrapped around his waist. "You sure?"  
He nodded, and after a moment, one big, warm hand began rubbing the most soothing circles over his lower back. His lieutenant asked gently, "You feelin' better?"

He nodded slowly, still gazing up at his host. Renji tilted his head, looking a bit worried. "Umm, Captain? Not that I mind or anything, but why you lookin' at me like that? You ok? You don't regret tellin' me, do you?"

Byakuya hesitated, then asked in a voice barely above a whisper, "Earlier, you said something... something like that if I wasn't ready, then I could just be broken further?"

He felt Renji take a shaky breath. "Um, yeah. After experiencing that, you have to be ready before tryin' to be with someone else. If you're not ready, it just fucks you up more, trust me." The younger man blushed and lowered his eyes before continuing in a mumble, "But don't mind what I said, Taicho. I only mentioned that earlier cause I got this feelin'... I know it's stupid and crazy, but I kinda got this feelin' like... maybe the moon might give the monkey a chance to try and fix him."

Byakuya felt his chest tighten at the hopeless look his lieutenant was trying, and failing, to hide. His voice was a bit unsteady as he replied. "Renji, I do not think your feeling is stupid or crazy." Dark bronze eyes rose to his, looking surprised and a bit hopeful. Byakuya felt his cheeks warming as he continued, "You should know, though, you were right earlier. I... I am not sure what I want."

Renji nodded as a shy, charming smile began to blossom on his strong features. "Well, that's fine, Taicho. I understand that kind of confusion; it can be really hard to sort out. You can always let me know if you want some help figuring out what you want."

Charmed by the shy offer, Byakuya could feel an answering smile curving his own lips. "That sounds good, Renji. Thank you. I do have an idea for a first step."

The Rukon Dog tilted his head. "What's that, Taicho?"

~X~X~X~X~

Renji watched the adorable blush on his captain's cheeks darken as he answered. "Well, with everything we have been talking about, and since we're alone and not at the office, might you stop addressing me so formally? I think I'd like you to use my name- it seems ridiculous to keep using my title under these circumstances."

Renji felt his heart quicken; oh gods, he loved his moon's beautiful name, and the thought of getting to use it freely... he opened his mouth to answer, then his eyes fell to the white captain's haori the smaller Soul Reaper wore. A symbol of the difference between them, a barrier that remained, even though the other symbols were gone at the moment.

"I... I'm not sure I can do that, sir." He realized he still had his arms around the noble's waist, and so was touching the pristine white fabric. Suddenly ashamed that he'd taken such liberties with his superior, moon or not, he released the slender waist, feeling as if he'd somehow dirtied his high-born guest.

He would've pulled away, but a slender hand gently caught his wrist. "Renji? What is wrong?" He met the deep violet-steel eyes, then lowered his gaze back to the white symbol of rank. The older man followed his gaze, breathing, "Oh, I see. It is alright, Renji."

Then the ravenette was removing his haori, folding it and placing it on the end-table that held his other accessories of privilege. Renji was stunned by the gesture his captain had just made, and for his comfort! "S-sir?"

The smaller Soul Reaper faced him again with an almost sad look on those fine features as he said softly, "I cannot change the circumstances of our births, and at the moment, I can't do much about the difference in our ranks. But, we are alone, and you have done so much for me. I am quite sure you wish to use my name and speak as equals. I'd like to hear it."

The noble gave an encouraging smile. "I imagine you already use my given name in _here_." Renji blushed deeply as slender fingers lightly tapped his forehead, then began gently tracing the markings above one eye. He shivered and closed his eyes, leaning into the gentle touch as he whispered, "Byakuya."

He heard a breathless, "Ohh! I... I like the way you say my name. Say it again?"

He opened his eyes to see his moon watching him with fascination. The desire he'd had to hide from the Kuchiki heir for so long rushed through him, and he gave a deep, growling moan as he deliberately drew out the beautiful name. "Byaa-kuuu-yaaaa."

He watched the amethyst eyes widen as pink shadows flared over the pale cheeks. The smaller Soul Reaper lowered his hand and gave him a shy smile, speaking in a somewhat choked-sounding voice. "See? Th-that wasn't so hard, was it?"

Renji shifted just a little closer as he shook his head. "Nah, not that hard. As long as we're not at the office and nobody's around, will you let me keep calling you Byakuya after today?"

The older man gave a shy nod. "I think that would be ok, Renji. At the office, though..."  
Renji pulled a straight face. "Of course, Captain Kuchiki." Then he smirked at his guest. "See? I can behave myself."

He saw the ravenette trying to fight a smile. "Oh yes, you can. You have behaved very well today; despite having your crush all to yourself, in your home, and in a rather vulnerable state, I might add, you have been quite the gentleman, Mr. Abarai."

Renji gaped at his stoic captain, surprised that he'd just laid it all out there like that. Then he began chuckling, glad that his beautiful, broken moon had noticed his restraint. "Ah, shit, you have no idea how hard it's been to be a 'gentleman' today. I might just die from behaving myself!"

The noble smiled at him. "That would be a tragic way to go. But for what it's worth, I am incredibly grateful for your restraint, Renji. Believe it or not, I was very nervous when I knocked on your door."

Renji shrugged as he gathered their cups for fresh tea. "Pfft. I could tell you were nervous after you came in, but to be honest, other than the fact that I felt like shit for making you nervous, I think you're adorable when you're all flustered and fidgety."

The Kuchiki heir blushed. "You... you think I'm adorable?"

Renji smirked as he poured the tea. "Adorable when you're _nervous_. The rest of the time, you're so beautiful and composed and perfect, feels like I'm gonna lose every bit of my damn mind just bein' in the same room with you."

In his peripheral vision, he watched Byakuya's blush deepen as the dark eyes flicked over him. He sat back and handed over one of the cups of tea, asking casually, "So, you maybe wanna tell me why you look so tired? Without biting off my head?"

His guest gave a small sigh. "I didn't sleep last night."

Renji frowned, immediately worried. "Why didn't you sleep well?"

The noble shook his head. "No. I didn't sleep. At all. And it was because I... I was thinking... a-about you."

The end of the sentence trailed off into a whisper, and Renji breathed, "Oh, ok. Um, sorry 'bout that."

Byakuya shrugged, sipping his tea. "It's alright, Renji. I look tired because between that and the very unusual day I've had,... I'm absolutely exhausted."

x

x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww, I love them so much! *hugs Bya and Ren chibis* Poor Bya, it's ok, Ren will take care of you!  
> Anyways, if you've read any of my work before, you know I tend to ramble cause I pay waaay too much attention to detail. Got some nice stuff coming up next chap.
> 
> Next time on 'HtM'- Chapter 5: A Flurry of Firsts


	5. A Flurry of Firsts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual activity

Previously, on 'Healing the Moon':  
_((Byakuya shrugged, sipping his tea. "It's alright, Renji. I look tired because between that and the very unusual day I've had,... I'm absolutely exhausted."))_  
x

Byakuya saw the concern that filled those intense auburn eyes, and sensed guilt surge through the younger man's spirit energy. "Damn, Tai- um, Byakuya, I'm really sorry. No wonder you snapped at me in the office when I asked; it's my fault you're tired. I'm the reason you couldn't sleep last night, and I'm the one responsible for you having such a weird day."

He shook his head at the bigger Soul Reaper. "No, I should not have spoken to you so harshly when you asked. None of that was actually your fault, so don't apologize for this, Renji. Even though I am tired, I feel much better than I have in a very long time, and that is because of you, as well."

The Rukon Dog gave a small nod, looking thoughtful as he lowered his eyes to his tea he was drinking. Byakuya was quiet for a few moments, thinking about how sweet and considerate Renji had been, and he wondered how it would feel if his companion actually did the things he surely thought about.  
"Renji, how does one know when they are 'ready'?" he asked softly.

The dark copper eyes rose to his, looking surprised, then thoughtful. "Well, I dunno. See, it's different for everyone, and it was one hell of a process for me. One good sign is if you can think about being intimate with someone without feeling scared."

Byakuya blushed, as he'd just been wondering along those lines. "What if thinking about that makes you nervous, but not really scared?"

His lieutenant tilted his head, a cautious look on his face as he answered slowly. "Nervous isn't really great, but it ain't as bad as scared. Does thinking about that kinda stuff excite you at all?"

Byakuya felt his cheeks warming as he lowered his eyes and tried to steady his breathing. Being with Hisana had never been a problem; he'd never been nervous around her. But that bastard guard was the only man he had experienced, and so it was actually rather difficult to imagine doing things with Renji.  
He felt unsure of himself, and he could tell his hands were shaking by the ripples covering the surface of his tea. His heart was pounding, and part of him was intrigued by the thoughts racing through his head.

What... what would it feel like to kiss Renji? What would it be like to be with someone who actually cared about him as much as this man did? The redhead truly desired him, but when the bigger Soul Reaper touched him, he didn't feel like he was in danger, he felt... treasured, as if he were the most important thing in his world.

"Byakuya?"

He jumped at the soft voice, glancing up to see the crimsonette watching him with concern, and he realized how long he'd been quiet. He still wasn't sure how to answer the question, and Renji seemed to sense this. "Ok, we can start off small. Earlier, when I had my arms around you, how'd that feel?"

He felt his cheeks heating up again as he whispered, "That felt really nice. I felt safer than I have since I was 15, and I didn't want you to let me go. When you did let go, it... it bothered me."

The dark amber eyes widened, looking surprised and pleased at his admission. His host set down his cup of tea and deliberately scooted just an inch closer as he spoke in a careful, gentle tone. "Alright. And when you feel my spiritual energy, when you can actually sense how I really feel about you and how much I desire you..."

Byakuya set his own tea down and tried to hide his shaking hands in his lap. "My heart pounds really hard, and it makes me nervous, but kind of excited, too, and I can't believe someone really wants me like that."

Renji tilted his head, asking softly, "Why would that be hard to believe?"

He hesitated, then whispered, "I have always been able to sense spirit energy. He... he never really felt desire for me, not the way you do. I was just an attractive, easy target, and he got a kick out the fact that he was... doing that to someone with noble blood."

The bigger Soul Reaper frowned slightly. "Well, that sounds like it was more about power for him, not desire, and I can totally see how that could make you doubt that someone could really want you. I think you're beautiful, Taicho, I really do, and I ain't gonna deny that. But, I also think you're so smart and strong, and you can be really nice, when you wanna be."

The light, gently teasing tone of the last few words made Byakuya smile, and his lieutenant smiled back, hesitantly scooting closer. He watched the deep coppery eyes as the Rukon Dog asked softly, "Can... can I... would it be alright if I kissed you?"

~X~X~X~X~

Renji saw the dark eyes widen, and he felt the faint tremors in the couch that meant his powerful superior was trembling. Not having meant to scare the smaller Soul Reaper, he spoke gently. "Hey, it's alright. I won't kiss you if you don't want me to, but look."

With the ravenette watching, he placed both of his hands flat on the couch between them. "I promise they'll stay right here. I ain't gonna touch you or grab you or anything. I'm not gonna hurt you, and I ain't gonna make you do anything you don't wanna do. I'd just really like to kiss you, but I am not going to do anything that you don't want me to do."

Byakuya stared down at his hands for another moment, then lifted those amethyst eyes to his, whispering, "I was just wondering a little bit ago what it would be like to... to kiss you."

Renji smiled at the shy tone of his captain's voice. "Really?"

The older man nodded, becoming increasingly flustered as he breathed, "It.. it's just been a really long time since I've been kissed, and never by another man. But I... I want..."

As the Kuchiki heir trailed off, Renji slowly leaned closer, keeping his hands on the couch as he'd promised. When only an inch separated their lips, he murmured, "What do you want, Byakuya?"

A small, slightly nervous whimper escaped the noble. "Ki-kiss me."

Renji tilted his head the last inch, lightly touching his lips to the soft ones he had dreamed about for so long. After only a moment, the smooth, warm lips tentatively pressed back, returning the light pressure. Renji was relieved and elated by the response, and had to remember to control himself.

He kissed his beautiful moon tenderly, savoring the fact that this was real and not a dream. As gently as possible, he licked the soft lips under his, praying that the ravenette trusted him enough to let him in. Through half-closed eyes, he saw the deep steel eyes flutter closed, and the warm lips parted under his invitingly.

Tenderly, he traced the parted lips with his tongue, then deepened the kiss, gently exploring what his captain had to offer. The noble tasted so good, and was starting to shyly kiss back, and Renji heard himself groan roughly as he dug his fingers into the couch cushion.

He felt Byakuya tremble and a tiny whimper vibrated through the kiss. Renji started to withdraw, thinking he'd scared his broken moon. To his surprise, he felt a slender hand on his shoulder, not pushing him away, but _pulling him closer_. Obediently, he leaned in, tilting his head and pouring more of his passion for his superior into the kiss.

Renji felt a hand touch one of his that were clenching the life out of the couch. He relaxed the one being touched, then he felt slender fingers slide under his. He gently squeezed the smaller hand, then started to slide his own up the slim wrist.

He froze there, remembering that he'd promised not to touch his guest. After all, he knew from experience that it could take one touch in a random wrong spot to freak out his abused superior. He gently broke the kiss, both of them panting softly. "By-Byakuya?"

Dazed, half-closed, stormy violet eyes met his, and he glanced down to where he lightly held the slender wrist. Tenderly, he caressed it with his fingers as he whispered, "I promised not to touch you, but I really wanna."

The ravenette's reply was breathlessly soft. "It's ok, Renji. You can to-touch me; I... I like how it feels when your hands are on me... you make me feel safe." Renji heard the softest whimper as his guest continued. "My wrists are re-really sensitive, though."

Renji smiled as he realization hit him. "They're always covered by your tekkoh, so they're sensitive, hmm?" He brushed his lips over the smaller Soul Reaper's, then gently lifted the wrist he held. He turned the pale, slender hand palm-up, caressing the back of it with his fingers. He placed a gentle kiss on each fingertip, then in the soft palm.

Renji could hear his captain's breaths becoming shaky, and he met the dark eyes just as he touched his lips to the inside of the slim wrist, where the lacework of blue veins was visible under the delicate skin. "Ohhh!" was the eloquent response he got, and it sent shivers down his spine.

"You like that?" he murmured before tenderly tracing the veins with the very tip of his tongue. Byakuya nodded urgently, making a soft, sexy sound between a moan and a whimper, a sound of pleasure that made him wanna cum right in his hakamas.

As Renji continued his loving assault on the delicate flesh, slender fingers curled to cup his cheek. He gave a moan of his own, abandoning his attention to tilt his face towards the gentle touch. Then the hand on his shoulder shifted to the side of his neck, tentatively grazing the lightening bolt-shaped marking there. He shivered violently, edging closer to the ravenette. Voice hoarse and unsteady from the desperate need he was struggling to keep at bay, he tried to address the gorgeous noble. "I don' wanna scare you. You... you say stop, I stop, 'k?"

The older man nodded, replying in a voice just as unsteady, "I'm not afraid of you, Renji."

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya could sense the restraint his lieutenant was wielding, and the way it wavered with his words. He was almost lightheaded from their kiss and the affectionate attention to his wrist, and the entire time, he'd been able to sense the bigger, and physically stronger, Soul Reaper's self-control as clearly as if the Rukon Dog was on a leash.

An unexpected thought passed through his mind; he was certain, with every reishi-infused fiber of his being, that Renji would never purposely hurt him, so... what would the crimsonette be like without the leash, or at least a longer one? The very thought made his heart attempt an escape from his chest, and the ache between his legs, which had started just before their kiss, throbbed. He shifted uncomfortably, and saw a flicker of pleased satisfaction in the younger man's eyes.

Byakuya took a shaky breath and moved his hand from his lieutenant's neck to his cheek, wide honey eyes watching him as he spoke softly. "Renji, I know if I said stop, you would. I trust you, and I am not afraid of you." He smiled shyly at his host and continued. "That being said, I'd like to keep making progress, and I'll tell you if it's too fast."

The redhead grinned and gave an excited nod. "Sounds fair to me!" then leaned close to gently capture his lips again, and the hand on his wrist slowly slid up his arm. This kiss was even better than its head-spinning predecessor; still tender, but more eager and enthusiastic, and full of passion. Byakuya found himself moaning into the kiss, and felt Renji shiver at his response. The hand traveling up his arm slipped under it to rest between his shoulder-blades, while another large hand settled on his hip for a moment before sliding around to spread over his lower back.

Byakuya couldn't help but smile into the kiss- Renji had found a way to hold him that didn't make him feel trapped and left his own arms free. He impulsively wrapped them around the broad shoulders, kissing his fiery subordinate back with his own growing enthusiasm.  
This new experience was wonderful, and he was doing his best to push his shyness and nervousness away- Renji wouldn't hurt him, and surely wouldn't make fun of him if he didn't know something or became unsure.

His hand brushed over a thick, silky braid, and he let his fingers drift down until he found the tie. He carefully pulled it out and began unraveling the braid, liking how the soft strands felt as they were freed. The younger man gave a soft, happy-sounding chuckle, gently breaking the kiss to feather those sinful lips down his neck. Byakuya gasped at the new sensation that made him feel tingly, burying both hands in the thick crimson mane. "Ahh, Re-Renji."

He realized he was trembling, and the arms around him tightened, gently pulling him closer so their bodies were pressing together from chest to thigh. Byakuya felt the hard evidence that Renji's body mirrored his own, and he moaned at the thought of the popular redhead being turned on by him.

Renji held him so gently, nuzzling his neck and sprinkling soft, chaste kisses on the vulnerable flesh. And, if he wasn't mistaken, his lieutenant was sniffing him, too. The bigger Soul Reaper murmured against his throat, "Beautiful Byakuya, taste and smell so damn good, an' fit perfectly in my arms. See, I _knew_ my Taicho was fuckin' perfect. The moon is totally worth catching."

~X~X~X~X~

Renji felt his captain's blushing face nuzzle against his hair as a soft little giggle fanned over his ear. Dear gods in heaven, Byakuya had _giggled_ , and it was so damn cute! He lifted his head to see the shy smile on the fine features, and smiled back as he leaned close so their smiles met. This kiss was almost playful, a back-and-forth that was light and teasing.

Renji could feel his moon's excitement against his hip, and he moved his hand from the smaller Soul Reaper's lower back to the hard, impressive bulge his superior was sporting, running his palm along the length.

He heard a whimper, and Byakuya tensed in his arms. He quickly moved his hand back to the slender hip as he looked to the older man's face, whispering, "Sorry."  
The ravenette shook his head, biting his lip between breathless words. "You don't have to a-apologize. It felt good. It... it's been a long time."

Carefully, Renji slid his hand down, tenderly caressing the hard bulge. Byakuya whimpered, muscles twitching, and Renji felt the slender hands tighten in his hair. He narrowed his eyes; just a touch and his powerful captain was coming apart.

Not that he was minded the Kuchiki heir's responsiveness, but just how deprived was he? He spoke in a low voice. "I know it's been a long time since someone else has touched you, but how long has it been since you've touched yourself?"

At the last word, he firmly wrapped his fingers around the hakama-covered length. Byakuya jolted in his arms with a whimpered gasp. "Ahhah! I... I don't know! Ahh, shit, Renji, umm a few months?"

Renji practically growled in response, gently squeezing the hard member. "My poor Taicho. No release in _months_? I can help you with that, if you want?" As he made his offer, he carefully stroked the rock-hard length through the hakamas, and when he got closer to the head, he could feel traces of dampness on the fabric.

Byakuya was panting shakily as he whimpered his reply. "I... I do want your help, ah ah damn, Renji. Please... oh gods, it hu-hurts."

Renji nodded, then kissed the noble firmly, guiding him to lean back against the couch. He rained kisses over the pale face and throat as his hands moved to untie his guest's hakamas. He placed several featherlight kisses on the scar, earning himself a moan that resembled a sob. He got the hakamas untied and started to pull them down, when he felt Byakuya tense.

His hands stilled, and he lifted his gaze to see a flare of anxiety in the deep steel-violet eyes. He smiled reassuringly as he he whispered, "Shhh, it's alright. Look, mine are staying on. I said I'd help you with your pain, and we don't have to go all the way to do that. I just wanna do something for you that's gonna make you feel better. You still trust me?"

With no hesitation, Byakuya nodded. "Yes, I trust you, Renji. I... I just..."

When the words trailed off, Renji tilted his head in understanding. "I know, my beautiful moon. It's ok if you feel jumpy, I understand. You alright?"  
The older man nodded again, and Renji carefully slid the hakamas down further, revealing his target, his captain's pale, quivering length. Too excited to take any time admiring his guest's lovely body, he leaned forward to lick the clear droplets of precum smeared all over the head. The hard member twitched and he heard a gasp of surprised pleasure. He glanced up to see Byakuya watching him with wide, shocked eyes.

Not wanting to make the smaller Soul Reaper feel uncomfortable, Renji hesitated, then spoke softly. "Byakuya, if you're not comfortable with me doing this, you... you can close your eyes and picture, you know, Hisana or someone else."  
He was surprised when the ravenette shook his head, breathing. "No, I can't."

Renji asked gently, "Why not?"

The noble met his eyes as his cheeks reddened. "Because Hisana never did this, umm, no-nobody has. I... I want to wa-watch you."  
Renji grinned at the shy request, sitting up to adjust the pillow behind his superior's head so he could watch comfortably. "Thanks for tellin me I'm the first, Cap'n. That's awesome, and boy, are you in for a treat!"

He shifted back into position, kneeling half on the couch and half on the floor between the long, slender legs as he proceeded to lick trails from the base to the tip, drawing delighted shivers and moans out of the older man. Byakuya was panting and watching him through dark, half-closed eyes. "Ohh, gods, Renji, that... that feels in-incredible! Ohhh, damn!"

Loving how naughty cussing sounded coming from his proper captain, Renji murmured, "I think it's sexy when you cuss, Byakuya. Wonder how it'd sound if you were to talk dirty, hmmm?"  
Byakuya blushed the color of Renji's hair, stammering, "I... I..."

Renji grinned, then swept down with an open mouth, swallowing half of the impressive member in one go. The deprived ravenette cried out, hips snapping up as his embarrassment was swept away by pleasure. "Ahh! Dammit, Renji!"  
He started sucking for everything he was worth, watching and loving the reactions he caused. The older man whimpered and bucked his hips, and Renji skillfully let his mouth ride the rolling thrusts. He had experience with people that couldn't control themselves once he got started, and he was acutely aware that this was the noble's first oral experience, and that the ravenette had gone months without relief.

Byakuya could flip them over, pin his head down, and face-fuck him until his throat was raw, for all Renji cared at the moment. All that mattered was bringing his precious moon pleasure.

He felt the smaller Soul Reaper squirm and wiggle his legs, and he realized that in his eagerness, he hadn't pulled the hakamas all the way off of his guest. He continued sucking as he lowered his hands to free the slender legs. He heard a grateful moan as Byakuya braced one foot on the couch and wrapped the other around his back, trying to pull him closer.

Renji realized that without the hakamas restraining them, Byakuya's legs could spread further, and he grinned around the cock in his mouth as he shifted forward, letting his shoulders guide the sleek thighs up and apart. At the same time, he began kneading the slim hips with his fingers, wordlessly reassuring his abused beauty that he wasn't trying anything else.

Sweet, desperate whimpers rewarded him as slender fingers threaded into his hair and held on for dear life. He took the full length into his throat until his nose was buried in soft black curls, and hummed his own pleasure at pleasing his gorgeous captain. He met the hazy amethyst eyes as the vibrations from his humming made the older man whine in ecstasy. "Yes, oh fuck! Ahh ahh I... I'm gonna cum! Ohh, fuck, please don't stop, Renji!"

Oh, but the Rukon Dog had _**no**_ intention of stopping! He felt the hard, silky flesh pulse, and began swallowing as he grasped a slim hip with one hand, digging his other fingers into a soft, curved asscheek. He held Byakuya's body possessively close, still humming in satisfaction between swallows. And oh, the sight the noble made just then!

Renji let his eyes rove the slender ravenette half-sprawled over his couch, flushed and panting, twitching every few breaths. He continued gently suckling and swallowing until he was sure he'd drained every warm drop from the deprived body. Slowly, he backed off, releasing his treasure. He licked his lips, savoring the taste of his superior's body and release, and he smirked at the realization that Byakuya even tasted good.

As his guest's breathing evened out, Renji slipped the hakamas back onto the lithe body and settled on the couch with a small pair of feet in his lap. Hmm, well, his captain's foot size was certainly misleading! He smiled as he offered the ravenette his cup of tea, knowing that he was probably parched after all that panting.

Byakuya looked surprised, but accepted his tea, drinking gratefully.  
Renji watched as the older man set his cup down, then proceeded to stretch like a cat. A full, joint-popping stretch that resulted in Renji grinning at the noble who just seemed to get more adorable every freaking moment. Byakuya gave another indulgent feline stretch, even flexing his fingers and toes, then sent Renji a crooked smile and spoke his first words since cumming.

"Holy fuck, Lieutenant Abarai."

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya felt marvelous! Tingling with relief and more relaxed than he'd been in months, he watched Renji grinning at him through strands of disheveled crimson hair. "Feel better?"  
Byakuya nodded, sighing in bliss. "So damn much."

The redhead brushed fiery strands out of his face, chuckling. "You cuss beautifully when you're frisky! You're always so proper and composed, it's awesome to hear you use such filthy language. I didn't think you even _knew_ those kinda words."

Byakuya smiled at the scandalized tone his lieutenant's voice had taken on and the teasing glint in the auburn eyes. He sat up weakly and grabbed a muscular arm covered in markings, pulling the surprised-looking crimsonette over. He kissed the younger man passionately, pouring his appreciation for everything into it. Renji seemed frozen with shock for just a moment, then began drinking in his kiss as if it were life-sustaining.

They pulled apart only when the need for air could no longer be satisfied by breathing through their noses. Byakuya found himself gazing at the bigger Soul Reaper, mesmerized by how strikingly sexy he looked right now. Panting softly from their kiss, his host's dark honey eyes were half-closed, soft lips a bit swollen from his earlier activities, and blood-red silk was falling into his lightly flushed face.  
How was it that he'd never noticed how truly attractive this man was, when they spent day after day together? Tenderly, Byakuya smoothed the disheveled strands away from his lieutenant's face, seeing joy flare over the alluring features. He murmured, "Sorry, looks like I messed up your hair, and you had it in such a neat braid, too."  
The Rukon Dog gave a slight shake of his head, leaning into his hands. "It's fine, don' care. I like having it played with, and besides, I got like, 100 brushes 'round here."  
Byakuya tilted his head. "You like having your hair 'played with'?"

The crimsonette nodded. "Oh yeah! I like having it stroked like you're doin' now, and I enjoy having it brushed. I really liked how you held it while I was sucking you, and at a certain point-" The bigger Soul Reaper paused dramatically before revealing in a conspiratorial whisper, "In certain 'circumstances', I _love_ having it pulled."

Byakuya blushed at his companion's words, even as his mind subconsciously filed this information away for future reference. Then he realized that indeed, Renji had done something that bought him exquisite pleasure, but his host had not found his own completion. That didn't seem fair, and Byakuya was struck with guilt. It wasn't fair at all, yet his lieutenant sat here, being so nice and affectionate, all while looking as if didn't expect a damn thing from him. Byakuya leaned closer, feeling that the younger man deserved pleasure, especially after all he'd done for him. "Renji... I... you..."

The redhead smirked playfully at his non-sentence. "Taicho, you've always been best at being direct. Try that."

Byakuya took a shaky breath and whispered, "What about you?"

~X~X~X~X~

Renji was caught off-guard by his captain's question. The thought of the beautiful ravenette doing something, _anything_ , to him was almost more than he could bear, but it didn't feel right to ask for anything from his abused guest right now. So instead of begging his moon to return the favor, he smiled and spoke softly. "Don't worry 'bout me. I didn't do that for you just so you'd do something for me. And you have no idea how much I really need you to understand this."

The noble gave a tiny frown, looking a bit confused, and Renji realized that in Byakuya's world, it was likely that nobody just did anything for someone else without expecting something in return. How sad, and all the more reason to let his favor go UN-reciprocated. Besides...

He leaned close and placed a soft kiss on a pale cheek, which instantly turned pink. He met the dark eyes and spoke softly, letting his companion know the conflict in his heart. "We've done a lot of talking, but we ain't discussed a specific damn thing as far as what's gonna happen starting tomorrow. So as far as I know, I only have what's left of today to have you all to myself; this Byakuya who's totally different, who smiles and blushes and kisses like an angel. Who talks to me like I matter and who might actually consider me his friend. For all I really know, tomorrow, everything's just gonna go back to how it's always been. Captain and lieutenant, nothing else. I don't really want that, but-" he shrugged before continuing, "I'll accept it if that's how you want it to be. I'd understand; not only for the difference in our ranks, but... well, I bet nobility don't usually have personal dealings with Rukon filth like me, right?"

He watched the amethyst eyes widen, and his captain's mouth opened as if to protest. But, no words came, and after a moment, the smaller Soul Reaper slowly closed his mouth, dark eyes lowering guiltily. Renji immediately felt horrible; even though he'd spoken the truth, his beautiful, broken moon now looked utterly dejected and ashamed.

Unsure if the shame originated from what had happened here, or from the truth of their circumstances, Renji spoke carefully, afraid he'd never have another chance. "Look, Taicho, it's ok if everything's gotta go back to normal tomorrow, cause nothing will ever change how I feel about you. I will always care about and respect you. I can't say that I don't care that you don't feel the same, cause I do, and that kinda sucks for me. But it doesn't really matter that you don't feel that way about me. I... I love you, Byakuya Kuchiki. Have since the first time I saw you, and I will until the day I die."

He saw the older man tremble, and he lifted his hand, intending to make sure his guest was ok. He paused before touching his companion, no longer sure if his touch was welcome. He whispered, "Taicho?" The ravenette kept his head bowed, hiding his face, and Renji felt fear grip his heart. Oh gods, he shouldn't have been that damn honest with his superior!  
Terrified that he'd just made a huge mistake with the most powerful Kuchiki to ever grace the Soul Society, Renji started to edge away. A slender hand caught his arm, and he froze, heart pounding as he stared at the top of the bowed head. How much trouble was he in for what he'd said?

Suddenly, Byakuya leaned close, burying his face against his chest. Renji felt dampness on his skin, and realized the noble was crying.

No! His heart felt like it was being torn in two; his poor moon had been through enough, and nothing was worth his tears. Deciding he didn't give a flying fuck if his next actions resulted in his heartbreak or his death, Renji wrapped both arms around the trembling form, gently pulling his smaller superior into his lap as he nuzzled silky black hair. "Shh, Taicho, please don't cry. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry again."

He held the silently trembling noble tightly, rocking back and forth as more tears landed on his chest. Desperation laced his words as he tried to stop his own tears from joining the ravenette's. "I'm sorry, Byakuya! Please, it hurts so much when you cry, baby. Tell me what I need to do to make you feel better. I'll do anything to make you happy. Anything you want, I swear!"

Slowly, his guest shifted to look him in the eyes, breathing in shaky little gasps as he tried to blink the remaining tears from his dark silver eyes. "A-any-anything?"  
Renji nodded, lifting one hand to tenderly wipe the dampness from the pale cheeks as he whispered, "Anything, my precious Byakuya. I'd give you my life right now if it meant you'd never cry again."  
Immediately, the older man was trying even harder to compose himself. "D-don't say that! I don't w-want you to die!"

Surprised by the rather vehement response, Renji nodded. "Ok, sorry. Then please just tell me what I do need to do to make you feel better. Please?"  
His guest hesitated, then said softly, "I want... when we are in the office, that... that needs to stay professional. But, afterwards, I would like to have this."  
Renji tilted his head, wanting to be absolutely sure of what his moon meant. "'This'?"

Still breathing shakily, the ravenette blushed. "I am not sure how fast I can progress, so I hope you can be patient with me. But I know, with every fiber of my being, that if I don't try, I will regret it for the rest of my long and very lonely life."  
Renji took a deep breath as he tightened his arms around the smaller Soul Reaper. "So... you wanna come back? But I keep making you cry!"

Byakuya shook his head, offering him a small smile. "That's not necessarily a bad thing. The first time was because I finally felt unashamed of the fact that I didn't fight, so I think those counted as tears of relief. And just now... Renji, do you have any idea how long it's been since someone has said they love me?"

Renji hesitated, unsure if he was expected to actually answer. "Um, well, I know Hisana passed away about 50 years ago, so at least that long?"

Byakuya shook his head. "Renji, Hisana never loved me. She tried, but some of the last words she ever said, she apologized for not being able to repay the love I'd given her over our 5 years together."

Renji felt his chest tighten, knowing how much it hurt to love someone who didn't feel the same way. "I'm sorry. So... so how long has it been?"

The noble hesitated, then sighed. "Renji, I literally cannot remember ever being told that I was loved. The way I normally act, so emotionless... my entire family was just like that. My parents and grandfather, they never shared feelings, and felt there was no need to say they loved me, as long as I was aware of it. So I knew they loved me, but I never heard those words until today."

x

Aww poor damaged Bya. Sorry if you don't like that he's been crying so much; at this point, he's about 30 hours with no sleep (besides his half-hour nap on the couch) and it's been a really emotional day for him.  
So, first kiss with a guy, first blowjob, and first time hearing 'I love you'. All these firsts is how this chap ended up with such a lame title lol!

x

Next time on 'HtM'- Chapter 6: Stay


	6. Stay

Previously, on 'Healing the Moon:  
 _((The noble hesitated, then sighed. "Renji, I literally cannot remember ever being told that I was loved. The way I normally act, so emotionless... my entire family was just like that. My parents and grandfather, they never shared feelings, and felt there was no need to_ _say_ _they loved me, as long as I was aware of it. So I knew they loved me, but I never heard those words until today."))_  
x

Byakuya could clearly sense the distress his words were causing in his lieutenant; Renji was bothered just from knowing he'd never been told those 3 little words. He spoke gently. "Renji, I did not tell you this to make you upset. I just wanted you to understand why it was not a bad thing that I cried when you said you love me."

He hesitated, then continued. "Also, my family and how I was raised... it is difficult for me to understand and process, much less express, my own feelings. If you really want to pursue this, having a... a relationship, I guess, then you deserve to know this about me, because I do not wish to put you in the same type of situation I was in with Hisana. I imagine it would not be easy for you to do this, attempt a real relationship with someone with the emotional issues I have. But, if you really want to try, then I would do my best not to be too much trouble for you."

He had watched the auburn eyes get wider and wider throughout his speech, and when he finished, Renji looked as if he were caught between shock and ecstasy.

Then Byakuya was being kissed within an inch of his life, Renji not holding back as much as he had before. He didn't resist the passionate assault; how could he, when the Rukon Dog's aura and energy pulsed with excitement? He found himself smiling as he returned the kiss, then the crimsonette broke it to kiss every inch of his face, which made him blush. "Renji?"

The tender, but enthusiastic kisses continued as his host murmured between them, "I don't care if it's gonna be hard, I can handle it. Gods, I can't believe this isn't a dream! I told you how I feel, and you didn't kill me! That's more than I _ever_ hoped for, and now, you just said I can try to make this work! I swear you won't regret this, Byakuya. And I promise I'll be good at the office. Or if we're around anyone else."  
The affectionate kisses paused, and warm bronze eyes met his. "I'd be right to assume this'd be a secret, yeah? Nobody else can know?"

Byakuya was instantly struck with guilt at the truth he hadn't even considered. "Oh, Renji, I'm sorry. You deserve much better than that, and it is selfish and cruel of me to suggest a relationship you can't even be proud of."

He started to pull away, but the bigger Soul Reaper gently held him still on his lap, speaking in a soft, sure tone. "Byakuya, I'd be proud enough to shout it from the rooftops, seriously. But I understand the secrecy; I wouldn't wanna tarnish your reputation, whether as a captain, and especially not with your clan. You're probably supposed to be with someone as high-born as yourself, with noble blood and money and connections... everything I don't have. I know the Kuchiki clan would never approve of me, and I'd rather keep this a secret than cause you that trouble."

Byakuya was surprised that the younger man was having such a mature and insightful response to keeping their involvement a secret. "How do you know how my clan would react?"

The redhead smirked and lightly tapped Byakuya's nose with one finger. "Ah, I believe you have underestimated not only how much I love you, but also just how much I've thought about what it'd be like to be with you. I've always known I ain't nowhere good enough for you, Taicho, so I knew that if a miracle happened and I actually got a chance with you, it'd probably have to be a secret."

Byakuya's chest tightened at the thought of what Renji might have to go through because of this, hating the idea of him suffering and thinking that he wasn't good enough. "Don't say that." he whispered, and the Rukon Dog tilted his head. He breathed, "Please don't ever say you're not good enough for me."  
He watched as his host gave a small nod of assent, though the coppery eyes expressed his disagreement as Renji murmured, "If you say so."

Byakuya hesitated, then asked softly, "Are you sure about this? About keeping it a secret, and that you can deal with being with someone who is so emotionally screwed up? Renji, can you really be happy like that?"

To his surprise, a charming smile curved the younger man's lips. "Ah Byakuya, you worried 'bout my happiness? Deny it all you want, you just proved you actually have a sweet side. And I'm definitely happy to have that side of you all to myself."

The crimsonette tilted his head closer, touching their foreheads and noses together as he continued gently, "I love you, Byakuya, so much that I'm incredibly happy to have any kind of relationship with you, even a secret one. It'd make me even happier if I knew for sure that I could make you happy."

Byakuya smiled at the thought; as far as he knew, nobody had ever truly been concerned about his happiness, yet it seemed like a priority for this man. "You do make me happy, Renji." He tilted his head up to brush his lips against his lieutenant's, murmuring, "When you say you love me, that makes me very happy."

The bigger Soul Reaper blushed lightly. "And you say you have trouble expressin' your feelin's. You've been doin' pretty good today."  
Byakuya shrugged. "Well, I am tired- that does make it harder to maintain my usual facade of composure."

Renji gave him a small smile, but the auburn eyes filled with concern. Byakuya held the bright gaze as gentle fingers rose to his face. The feather-light touch grazed the dark circles he could practically feel under his eyes as his host whispered, "You do look tired, Byakuya. Not that you look bad or anything, I just..."

Byakuya could feel the concern and protectiveness in the younger man's reiatsu, and picked up where Renji had trailed off. "You are just worried about me, and want me to be ok?"

The redhead nodded. "Yeah. I actually worry about you a lot, you know. I see the strain you're under sometimes, and I can tell when you're stressed out. It's been so hard, seeing the struggles that you succeed in hiding from everyone else. But _**I**_ see them, Taicho. Maybe it's cause we're always around each other, or maybe it's cause I like you and watch you so closely. The point is, I see when you're struggling, and it kills me not to be able to help. Maybe... maybe now you'll let me help?"

Touched that his subordinate had noticed when he was troubled, Byakuya tilted his head at the hopeful tone of the question. "Help how?"

Renji gave a shy smile and a shrug. "I dunno; however you'll let me, I guess. Talk to me when you're stressin', tell me all about whatever's botherin' you. And when you've had a really long day, let me take care of you afterwards. I can run a mean bubble bath, and I'll cook for you, and I give pretty good back and foot rubs."

Byakuya found himself smiling at the thought that Renji wanted to treat him in such a way. "That all sounds very nice, Renji. You really wish to do things like that for me?"

The redhead nodded, blushing as he replied softly. "Well, yeah. There's lots of things I wanna do for you cause you're really important to me. Think about it- I've cared about you for years. That's years' worth of love and attention for you that I've had to suppress."

The Rukon Dog grinned at him. "Now that I have a chance to let it out, I'm gonna spoil the fuck outta you if you'll let me."

~X~X~X~X~

Renji felt his grin widen as his guest blushed and smiled shyly at him. "I think I like the idea of you spoiling me." Then his captain yawned cutely, and Renji glanced at the clock on one of the end tables.  
"Well, we've been here for a few hours already; it's almost 6 now." He met the amethyst eyes and spoke hesitantly. "Umm, I'd understand if you don't wanna, but you... you could sleep here... tonight... if you wanted to."

The smaller Soul Reaper, still curled up on his lap, widened those dark silvery eyes at him. Renji was afraid he'd just offended the noble, or perhaps alarmed him by suggesting such a thing so soon, and he was about to retract his offer. Just then, the older man gave a tiny nod, whispering, "My home is lonely, Renji. I... I'd rather stay here, if it's really ok with you."

Renji smiled and pressed a gentle kiss to his superior's temple. "Of course it's ok, baby, and I won't let you be lonely. I know you're tired as fuck, but if you go to sleep now, you'll probably wake up early, like stupid early."

His guest nodded. "Very likely; I tend to wake up early anyways, even when I'm tired. You intend to keep me awake, then?"

Renji smiled and shrugged, keeping his arms loosely wrapped around his moon's waist... _his_ moon. "Yeah, at least for a bit. Don't get me wrong- I know you're tired and need sleep, so we can still go to bed early. It's 6 now, so how does a couple more hours sound?"

The ravenette nodded shyly. "That sounds good. Um, first, might I ask about sleeping arrangements?"

Renji tilted his head thoughtfully, a soft smile curving his lips. "Well, you probably oughtta know that I really wanna sleep with you. And not just in a naughty way, either. See, I'd love a chance to sleep with you in my arms, or sleep in yours. But I totally understand if you don't wanna do that yet, so if you want, you can sleep on my bed, and I'll take the couch."

The older man still curled up on his lap lowered his eyes and murmured, "It has been a long time since I've slept with anyone, and sometimes, I rather miss the feeling. But, I am not sure..."

Hearing the soft voice trail off, Renji gently kissed the top of his captain's head. "It's alright, you ain't gotta decide right now. We still got a couple of hours, k?"

The violet-steel eyes rose to his, looking relieved as Byakuya nodded. "Ok. Thank you, Renji."

He shrugged, grinning at the noble. "No problem. In the meantime, you hungry?"

The ravenette nodded. "I could eat, especially if it's more of your cooking."

Renji chucked at the compliment. "Ah, be careful, Byakuya. You'll inflate my ego, then I'll be even more annoying."

He was surprised and pleased when his guest rolled his eyes playfully and spoke in a subtly teasing tone. "More annoying? Gods have mercy on us all. I may have to rethink this transfer thing."

Delighted by his gorgeous taicho's playful side, Renji laughed and kissed a pale cheek. "Ok, ok, I'll behave! I don't wanna be transferred!" He sighed in contentment as his mind ran over what food he had and what he was in the mood to cook. "Hmm, I make good grilled cheese. How's that sound?"

Byakuya shrugged. "I've never had this, so I don't know. I'll try it, though."  
Renji grinned. "Ohhh, aren't you the adventurous one? C'mon, baby, get up so I can feed us." He nudged the smaller Soul Reaper so he'd get off his lap, but there was an unexpected effect. Byakuya shifted to get up, and the movement reminded Renji's body of just who it wanted. His throbbing member tightened painfully, as if it were trying it's best to reach Byakuya. Dark eyes widened up at him as his captain froze, obviously noticing his body's reaction.

"Re-Renji?" came the small, unsure voice. Immediately, Renji's mind kickstarted, trying to override his aching body's demands. He did not want Byakuya to think this was the only reason he liked him and wanted a relationship with him. Yes, he desired the hell out of the older man, but he'd be _**damned**_ if he let his broken moon think that was all the worth he had!

Renji wrapped both arms around the smaller form and smoothly lifted him off his lap, gathering the noble's body against his chest. His guest seemed startled by the move, dark eyes blinking up at him. Renji sighed at the simultaneous relief and torture of the lithe body no longer being in contact with his lap. "I'm sorry, Byakuya. I swear, just cause I want you, that ain't the only reason I like you, and I ain't gonna do anything to you that you don't want."

Even as he spoke the truth, Renji could hear the strain in his own voice. Byakuya stayed perfectly still in his arms, as if he were afraid to make a wrong move. A guilty look filled those wide, silver-steel eyes, and Renji's heart clenched. "No, baby, you ain't done nothing wrong. Please don't look like that- I promise everything's ok."

The slender body stayed still in his arms as Byakuya whispered, "But, it... it's not fair that you're still in pain after helping me."

Renji shook his head and closed his eyes. "That's what I was tryin' to say earlier. I didn't do that so you'd do something for me. I need you know you're not obligated to do shit for me, and you never will be. Please try to understand this, Byakuya; it doesn't matter what I do for you, I'd never just expect you to do something in return."

There was a moment of silence, then Renji shivered when soft lips brushed his jaw, and he tightened his hold on his captain as a soft whisper reached his ears. "What if I _want_ to do something in return? What if I want to relieve your pain?"

Renji took a shaky breath and opened his eyes half-way to focus on the ravenette in his arms. "You wanna help cause you wanna, not cause you think you should?"

Byakuya nodded shyly, breathing, "I very much wish to see pleasure on your face, and feel it in your reiatsu, and... and know it's there because of me."

Renji moaned at the thought and leaned his head against the back of the couch, keeping his eyes on the gorgeous noble he still cradled against his chest. "That might be the hottest fuckin' thing I've ever heard. I just... I don't want you to _ever_ think there's only one reason I wanna be with you."

His moon shook his head. "I know, Renji. I imagine that if all you felt for me was desire, you would not bother trying so hard to keep it under control. Now, what can I do to please you, Abarai?"

Renji grinned dizzily as the bloodflow in his body became very focused. "Shit, you wouldn't even have to _do_ anything, really. I'm easy to please anyways, and right now, I'm so wound up, I'd probably lose my shit for a dry fuck, seriously."

A look of confusion crossed his superior's face, and Renji realized he'd just used a term from the World of the Living. "Umm, damn, let's see if I can explain this with no blood in my brain. Dry-fuckin' is simulatin' sex, but not really doin' it. We'd both keep our hakamas on, and sorta rub against each other."

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya observed the dazed, slightly confused look on his lieutenant's face as the flustered redhead tried to explain what he's meant. It was obvious the younger man was reaching a point of arousal where coherent thought was becoming difficult. And it was charming the hell out of him!

Byakuya boldly slid his arms up around the broad shoulders, feeling the crimsonette tremble. He asked softly, "So, we keep our hakamas on?"  
His host nodded, breathing shakily. Byakuya held the warm, hungry auburn eyes as he gave a small nod, murmuring, "Ok, I think I'd like to try this."

The bigger Soul Reaper shivered violently, looking surprised and intensely relieved by his agreement, then the strong arms carefully lowered him. Big, gentle hands guided his legs to either side of Renji's hips, so he ended up on his knees, straddling the Rukon Dog's lap. As he was settled, he felt the hard member pressing against his backside, and heard a sighing moan that expressed Renji's relief and pleasure at having him in such a position.

The hardness pressed against him proved how much his subordinate desired him, but with 2 pairs of hakamas in the way, Byakuya felt safe and confident. "You said we keep our hakamas on; do we have to keep our other clothes on?" he asked as he let his fingertips follow the ebony designs under the edge of the yukata.

He felt the big hands tighten on his hips, and hazy cinnamon eyes followed his fingertips with fascination as Renji answered in a growl, "Nah, the other clothes can go straight to Hell." The younger man sat up a bit and rolled his shoulders, letting the yukata slide down to his elbows without releasing Byakuya's hips.

He stared at all of those magnificent markings that had been revealed just for him as the redhead leaned against the back of the couch, dark honey eyes still tracking the movements of his fingers tracing the unique patterns.

Byakuya realized how entranced the crimsonette seemed by his gentle exploration, and he asked softly, "Do you like when I touch you, Renji?"

A strained moan answered him. "Fuck, you have any idea how long I've wanted you to touch me? Not to mention, being turned on is something that makes my markings more sensitive. I'm enjoying the hell outta this, plus it's a good distraction."

Byakuya whispered, "Distraction?"

Renji nodded, still watching the slender fingers tracing the myriad of pure black markings on his chest. "Yeah, cause if I'm not a little distracted, I swear I'd cum in 2 seconds flat just bein' this close to you. Fuckin' embarrassin'."

Byakuya blushed at the admission, asking, "You are affected that much by me?"  
Coppery eyes lifted to his. "Gods, yes! I'm always affected by you, Taicho! Every fuckin' day! I'm surprised I ain't lost my damn mind!"

Realizing just how much restraint the Rukon Dog had been enduring around him for gods-knew-how-long, and even now for his sake, Byakuya threaded his fingers into silky blood-red hair, earning himself a whimpered moan of pleasure. Wanting to help bring relief to his host, he leaned against the broad chest and pressed his hips back and down towards the hard evidence of just how much he affected his sexy, popular subordinate.

His actions drew an immediate and almost violent reaction. The big hands on his hips tightened, holding him down as Renji roughly ground up against him. This sent an odd, surprising thrill through him, causing him to gasp at the unfamiliar, but rather pleasant sensation. Byakuya realized he actually _liked_ the feeling of Renji grinding against him so enthusiastically, but his lieutenant apparently misinterpreted his gasp.

The redhead froze like he'd been shot, an almost panicked look suddenly filling his bronze eyes as he breathed, "Oh shit, Taicho, I'm sorry, I... I..."  
Byakuya shook his head, letting his fingers burrow deeper into the bigger Soul Reaper's fiery mane. "No, Renji, it's ok. It was just unexpected, but I am flattered by your enthusiasm. Perhaps a bit excited by it, as well."

A husky moan was his answer, and the intense auburn eyes held his as the powerful hands locked on his hips began kneading them, gently pressing their bodies together in a rhythm. Byakuya gave a breathy little sigh of enjoyment as warmth began to build between them. This felt good, the closeness and the intimacy, to sense the pleasure permeating his companion's spiritual pressure, and the feeling of being absolutely safe with Renji.  
Still sensing his subordinate's disbelief that this was actually happening, and his hesitation to do anything 'wrong', Byakuya wanted to reassure him. He murmured, "I thought you said our other clothes could go straight to hell?"

The younger man's smooth movements stopped as the cinnamon eyes widened, then lowered to the small V of pale skin his shihakusho revealed. One big hand left his hip to tentatively rise to the front of his uniform, and gentle, shaking fingers traced along the edge of the fabric, ghosting over his skin.

Byakuya lowered one hand to undo the tie at the front of his shihakusho, fascinated by the mesmerized look on his lieutenant's face. The hand on his chest snaked under the edge of the fabric, easing it back. He was caught off-guard by how Renji seemed to marvel in him; despite the eagerness he had displayed, the Rukon Dog was pushing his shihakusho out of the way slowly and deliberately, as if every inch of creamy skin revealed deserved reverence. A breathless whisper full of admiration and wonder sent pleasant tingles through him. "My beautiful Byakuya, all mine."

As Byakuya's uniform finally slid off his shoulders, Renji leaned close to feather kisses along his throat and shoulder. The gentle attention made his body tighten, causing him to stiffen in surprise. After what Renji had done for him earlier, he hadn't thought he could become aroused again so soon. But his body was most definitely responding, and he blushed deeply. He'd never gotten turned on again so soon after cumming, not that he'd ever tried. Just another 'first' that his lieutenant was granting him.

"Byakuya? You ok?" He refocused on the crimsonette, realizing that he was still stiff with surprise and that his blush probably rivaled that blood-red mane. Even with what they'd been doing, Renji was worried about _him_.

"Yes, I'm fine. I just..." Not quite sure how to word it, he caught one of Renji's hands and placed it on his renewed hardness, his actions bold even while his words were shyly whispered. "Never gotten aroused again so soon."

A pleased smile curved the younger man's lips. "Nice recovery time, baby. That's good, real good." Byakuya moaned in pleasure as Renji began stroking his already-throbbing member through his hakamas, and at the same time, the redhead started rolling his hips under him, grinding against him in the same sensual rhythm.

"Ahh, Re-Renjiii, that feels good." Byakuya tentatively shifted his own hips into the movements, and was rewarded by breathless praise. "Yeah, baby, that's it. Do what feels good, it's ok."  
With a whimper, Byakuya rocked his body harder, pressing his ass down against the bigger Soul Reaper's rock-hard length every time Renji thrust up. With his participation, he sensed a pure happiness explode through the younger man's riatsu, an incredible joy that _he_ was enjoying this. His fiery host exhaled in a soft hiss. "Ohh, ssshit. Gods yesss, Byakuya!"

His lips were captured in a searing kiss as they moved together faster, grinding against each other roughly as Renji stroked him harder. Byakuya lost control, crying out into their kiss as he came even harder than before.

~X~X~X~X~

Renji caught his captain's lovely cry of pleasure in his mouth as warmth drenched his hand through the hakamas. Knowing he'd brought pleasure to his precious moon flung him over the edge, and a heartbeat after Byakuya came, his own release slammed into him. He moaned against those sweet lips as his body violently arched off the couch, lifting the lithe form of the smaller Soul Reaper into the air.

The initial rush receded, and he settled, holding the noble against himself as tightly as he dared. His body twitched with aftershocks, still pressed firmly against that perfect hakama-covered ass, and his own hakamas were soaked with his own hot release. What pleased him the most, though, was the feel of Byakuya recovering in his arms while damp warmth made itself known against his belly.

Renji realized their lips were still touching, not really kissing, but sharing their soft, panting breaths of relief. He carefully broke that contact to feather tender, reassuring kisses over flushed cheeks. At the same time, he noticed that his guest had begun to shiver. Still raining gentle attention on his dazed-looking superior, Renji shifted on the couch. Instead of leaning against the back, he turned so he could lay down, stretched out. He did so, coaxing his captain to stay against his chest so Byakuya ended up laying on top of him, sleek legs folded on either side of his hips.  
He grabbed the soft throw blanket and wrapped it around his shivering guest's back so it could drape over them both. Under the blanket, he let his hands wander his moon's bared upper body, tracing sculpted muscles and rubbing soothing circles over his back as the shivering slowed.

There was a comfortable silence for a while as they caught their breath and relaxed, then Renji felt a content sigh fan across his chest. He moved one hand to smooth raven strands out of the face tucked against his shoulder, breathing, "Byakuya?"  
The older man lifted his head, dark violet-steel eyes meeting his. Renji let his fingers trace the aristocrat's face, surprised but immensely pleased when Byakuya leaned into the attention, and he whispered, "You alright?"

His superior blushed deeply, but offered him a shy smile as he nodded. "I am much better than 'alright', Renji. But I am quite a bit more tired than I was before." As if to prove his words, that luscious mouth parted in a yawn that Byakuya tried to smother.

Renji chuckled, nuzzling silky black hair. "Ok, beautiful. Let me feed you, then we can go to sleep, k?"

The smaller Soul Reaper made a face that suspiciously resembled an adorable pout. "I do not _want_ to eat, I want to sleep." The noble curled up tighter on his chest with his face tucked against Renji's neck and made that little sound people make when they're tired and get into the perfect comfy position.

As much as Renji _loved_ the feel of his moon trying to go to sleep snuggled on top of him, he felt that they should at least try to eat before sleeping. After all, to his knowledge, neither of them had eaten all day, other than the bowl of chili. Before he could voice his concern, a rumble came from his guest's stomach.  
Byakuya's head snapped up, wearing a fierce frown. The ravenette looked like he was considering using Senbonzakura on his stomach for disturbing his attempt at sleep. Renji tried to hide his grin, raising his eyebrows innocently when the frown was turned on him, and his captain muttered, "I suppose you were right; some food would not go amiss."

He nodded and kissed his superior's forehead. "Alright, if you say so, baby, we can eat. Besides, you don't wanna sleep in those hakamas since they got cum in 'em- you'll be uncomfortable. Bathroom's first door on the right, and I'll get you something clean to wear." He helped the noble up, noticing a faint quiver in the long, slender limbs.

Renji watched the smaller Soul Reaper make an unsteady path to the bathroom, then he went down the hall to his room. After a quick wipedown, he changed into a pair of sleeping shorts and grabbed another pair, hanging them on the bathroom doorknob with a light tap as he came back through. Renji went into the kitchen and started cooking grilled cheese sandwiches, and had finished making 2 by the time he heard soft footsteps padding up the hallway.

Renji glanced over his shoulder as his captain appeared in the doorway, clad in only the black shorts, and he did a double-take when he realized the ravenette had apparently abducted one of his numerous hairties. The silky ebony strands were caught up in a high ponytail, with only a few strays framing the fine features. Gods, Byakuya was so beautiful! And wanted to be with _him_?! Renji realized he was staring, and his guest tilted his head. "What?"

Renji swallowed hard and refocused on cooking, still hardly able to believe that this man actually wanted to try being in a relationship with him, and was already staying the night with him. Maybe the gods were finally smiling on him. "Nothin', you... you just look really nice with your hair up like that, that's all. Have a seat, food's done."

His superior perched on one of the stools at the bar that divided the living room and kitchen, eyeing the grilled cheese. "I always sleep with my hair up; it likes to tangle because I tend to toss and turn a lot. This looks good."

Renji smirked at the older man. "Tastes good, too, which you're never gonna find out if you just stare at it. You expecting it to scream 'eat me' and jump in your mouth?" He finished cooking the third sandwich and cut it in half, seeing the amusement in dark eyes. He slid one half of the grilled cheese onto Byakuya's plate and sat down with his own sandwich and a half across the bar from his guest.

In spite of his obvious exhaustion, the Kuchiki heir ate slowly, clearly savoring his cooking, which delighted Renji to no end. "You like?"

Byakuya nodded, licking his lips. "This is very good. If you really intend to 'spoil' me by cooking for me, then I will be requesting these... um, grilled cheese?"

Renji grinned and nodded, then pulled out an imaginary notepad and pretended to write in it, talking out loud. "Duly noted. Byakuya likes grilled cheese. Oh, and chili, and spicy stuff."

He saw the noble's lips curving up as he fought a smile. "And Renji is silly sometimes."

Renji gasped as if struck by an epiphany and frantically scribbled in his imaginary notepad. "Renji is silly sometimes, but it makes Byakuya smile." He watched as his antics made that beautiful smile bloom, and smiled back as they finished their food.

Hunger satisfied, Renji stretched as he addressed his guest. "Damn, I'm ready for some shut-eye. You want the bed?"

He was surprised when his captain began to blush, speaking shyly. "I have actually thought about this quite a bit. It feels wrong to kick you out of your own bed. And like I said earlier, I do sort of miss the feeling of sleeping next to someone. But thinking about sleeping together in your bed..." The ravenette trailed off, holding one hand to his stomach and looking so confused.

Renji spoke softly, understanding the hesitation. "Hey, it's ok. Too intimate, too fast?"  
Byakuya gave him a strained smile. "Seems ridiculous after... well, you know, after everything else."

Renji shook his head. "Doesn't sound ridiculous at all; I understand. It's alright, and don't ever hesitate to tell me if you feel like that, ok? I may love you, but I can't be a good partner if you don't tell me when something's bothering you, baby."

Byakuya nodded, but still looked crestfallen, whispering, "But.. I do want to try sleeping with you."

Renji grinned as an idea popped into his head. "We could sleep together on the couch?"

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya felt his eyes widen at his host's suggestion; he had not considered that. The redhead continued, explaining his idea in a gentle tone. "Couch ain't quite as intimate as a bed, right? We'll both fit, and it's pretty comfy if I grab some pillows. Whattcha think?"

Byakuya realized the thought didn't make him nearly as nervous as the thought of actually sharing a bed had. And Renji had been so sweetly understanding about his uncertainty regarding that. He smiled and nodded at the Rukon Dog. "I like that idea. I... I actually like it a lot. It is a good compromise."

Relief and happiness washed over his lieutenant's strong features, an excited anticipation bubbling through his reiatsu. "Good, I'm glad I thought of a way. I'll go get the pillows."

Byakuya smiled as he realized that the younger man was damn near giddy, just at the thought of sleeping with him. "Yes, you go get the pillows, and I will be waiting for you on the couch."

Renji shot down the hallway as if something had bitten him on his cute little ass, and Byakuya noticed he was still smiling as he wandered to the couch. _'Gods, how long has it been since I smiled this much? Have I_ ** _ever_** _smiled this much?'_ He gathered up the soft throw blanket and sat down, still smiling as he kept his eyes on the hallway.

After a few moments, Renji reappeared, carrying 2 plush pillows and another blanket. The crimsonette came over, arranging the pillows at one end of the couch. Then he sat down, grabbing a brush and hairtie off the end table.

Byakuya watched with interest as his subordinate began brushing out his long scarlet mane. He noticed the subtle waves from it drying in the braid earlier, the way the light caught and shone in the dancing fire. Impulsively, he reached out and lightly traced the silky, blood-red strands with his fingertips. Renji paused in his brushing, dark auburn eyes meeting his. Shyly, the bigger Soul Reaper offered the brush, and Byakuya took it, remembering that the younger man had said he enjoyed having his hair brushed.

Without a word, they shifted so Renji had his back to him. Byakuya gently groomed the soft crimson mane, hearing a soft sigh of pleasure whenever he made long stokes from scalp to ends. Even when the glossy strands were neat, he continued for a bit, just alternating brush-strokes with gentle caresses of his fingers. Finally, he stopped, giving a little sigh. "I'm sorry, I do not know how to braid."

Warm, grateful bronze eyes met his. "That's fine, I can do that. Thank you, Byakuya."

He murmured, "You're welcome." as he watched Renji lift his hands to his hair, dividing it into 3 sections. Then the deft fingers wound the sections together, alternating them until all that fiery hair was captured in one long, thick braid. The surprisingly nimble fingers tied the end, then Renji turned to him with a sweet smile. "Ready for bed?"

Byakuya smiled and nodded, and his host shifted to lay against the back of the couch. He tilted his head as a thought occurred to him. "Wait, could I sleep on the inside?"

Renji nodded, scooting towards the edge of the couch as he replied softly, "Yeah, you can sleep wherever you want, baby. I just thought you might feel trapped if you laid on the inside."

Byakuya whispered, "I wish to test something." He crawled into the space, tucking himself between the back of the couch and the bigger Soul Reaper. Oh, perfect! He snuggled down, meeting curious coppery eyes as he breathed, "I feel safe here."

He saw the conflicted look that crossed his lieutenant's face; an odd blend of heartbroken concern for him and a joyful pride that he felt safe. The redhead seemed to struggle for the right words, then gentle fingers were smoothing stray hairs away from his face as Renji murmured, "I'm glad you feel safe with me, Byakuya. You'll always be safe with me- I won't let nothing happen to you. I love you."

Byakuya felt a rush of happiness at those words, followed by a self-conscious guilt. "Oh, Renji. How can you say that, knowing I won't say it back yet?"

To his surprise, the Rukon Dog just shrugged those broad shoulders as a blissful smile curved his lips. "You said 'yet' which means you just might say it back one day. Until then, if you'll let me, I'll keep saying it cause it's true, and I want you to know it. Plus, I'm _finally_ getting to say it out loud to your face, and you don't know how hard it's been not to be able to do that. If it bothers you or makes you feel bad that you don't say it back, I can just distract you every time."

Byakuya tilted his head, not really understanding.

Renji smiled and said softly, "I love you so damn much, my Byakuya."  
Before he had a chance to feel bad, the bigger Soul Reaper caught his lips in a warm, tender kiss that made him feel as if there wasn't a thing in the world that'd be able to harm him. When it was over, he breathed, "Ohhh, ok."

His lieutenant smiled and kissed his forehead. "Now go to sleep, baby."  
Byakuya felt his eyes fluttering closed, even as he tried to protest. "But... but I want to keep talking to you, Renji."  
He felt a big, warm hand rub soothingly over his back as a soft voice reassured him. "Shhh, it's ok, my beautiful Byakuya. We've got time; we can talk as much as we want tomorrow."

Already half-asleep, Byakuya gave a tiny whimper, snuggling into that solid warmth. "Promise?"

That deep, soothing voice reached him once more as darkness claimed him for the night. "I promise."

For the first time in years, Byakuya slept peacefully. No nightmares or disturbing dreams, no tossing and turning. Securely tucked between his powerful, protective lieutenant and the back of the couch, the ravenette slept like a baby, unaware of the loving gaze that guarded his rest. He barely stirred when his companion got up for a bit, but when that solid warmth returned, he snuggled close with whimpered, incoherent mumbles. He was soothed by a deep humming, accompanied by gentle caresses of his hair.

A warm hand wrapped around one of his, strong fingers interlacing with his. His sleeping, smiling face was the last thing his companion saw before sleep claimed him as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of ch6  
> Next up: Ch7: Back to Work
> 
> Usually, lemons are my favorite scenes, but I gotta say, them going to sleep together is a favorite sweet one; makes me feel all warm and fuzzy :)  
> Next chap picks up in the morning, which is Thursday morning. I know, some of you are like 'Thank God we're finally done with Wednesday!" I told you, I'm too obsessed with details, so 1 day/night can end up lasting several chaps. Sorry if it's annoying, it's the way I write and I can't seem to help it. But at least it means my citrusy scenes are detailed ;)  
> BTW this is something you already know if you've read my 'Inuyasha' fics. I figure, I have no way of knowing what fic someone might read first, so maybe they all need a warning? A very detailed warning lol!


	7. Back to Work

Last time we saw our boys, this was happening:  
 _((For the first time in years, Byakuya slept peacefully. No nightmares or disturbing dreams, no tossing and turning. Securely tucked between his powerful, protective lieutenant and the back of the couch, the ravenette slept like a baby, unaware of the loving gaze that guarded his rest. He barely stirred when his companion got up for a bit, but when that solid warmth returned, he snuggled close with whimpered, incoherent mumbles. He was soothed by a deep humming, accompanied by gentle caresses of his hair._  
 _A warm hand wrapped around one of his, strong fingers interlacing with his. His sleeping, smiling face was the last thing his companion saw before sleep claimed him as well.))_  
x

(Thursday Morning)

Byakuya woke with a start, every muscle in his body tensing. Confusion and alarm flared through him; he didn't understand why he felt warm and tucked into a small space, or why there was an arm around him. Then it all came back in a rush, and relief swept through him. Renji...

Byakuya sighed and relaxed, melting into the safe, warm embrace. He finally opened his eyes to see a broad, muscled chest, golden-tan skin, and ebony markings. He felt the arm around him shift, a gentle hand caressing his back as he heard a quiet whisper. "You alright? You got really tense when you woke up. But I guess it's been awhile since you've woken up next to someone, huh?"

Byakuya nodded guiltily, ashamed that he'd gotten so nervous when Renji had promised not to let anything happen to him. It had taken a few moments for him to remember everything that had happened yesterday, but he still felt bad.  
He raised his eyes to meet the soft bronze gaze and opened his mouth to apologize, but gentle fingers touched his lips. "Don't you dare."

~X~X~X~X~

Renji saw the surprise flash through the dark steel eyes, his fingers laying over soft lips to forestall the apology he could sense coming. No way in hell was he gonna let his moon apologize for his reaction! "Don't you dare apologize for that. I understand what happened, and believe me, I'm just glad you didn't use kido to blow a hole in my chest before you realized everything was ok and calmed down. All I need to know is if you're alright now."

Slowly, the ravenette nodded, and Renji smiled at his guest before craning his head to check the time. "Damn, 5am? You wake up obscenely early, but gods, I'm glad to see yesterday wasn't a dream." He rubbed his face and sighed. "What time you gotta go into the office?"

Byakuya replied softly, "Not until 7, but I... I should probably go home for some clean hakamas first."

Renji smirked at his captain. "Nah, I cleaned 'em for you last night after you fell asleep."

The deep violet-chrome eyes widened up at him as a shy smile curved those soft lips. "Oh. Thank you, Renji. So... so I don't have to leave yet?"

Renji smiled, shaking his head as he stretched and sat up. "Not if you don't wanna, baby. Can't promise to be great company; I ain't really a mornin' person, anyways, and since I don't have to be in till 8, I definitely ain't used to being up this early."

He felt Byakuya shift closer to his side, murmuring, "You can go back to sleep if you want."

Renji grinned at the noble next to him. "Hell no! If you're gonna stay, ain't no way I'm going back to sleep! Pass up a chance to spend time with you? You must still be dreamin'."  
In spite of his eagerness to spend time with the older man, Renji groaned as he got to his feet and stretched. "You want some coffee? Thought it was gross the first time I tried it, but it's pretty good if you add sugar and milk, and this stuff called creamer."

He watched his beautiful, half-naked superior crawl from under the blanket to sit up. "Ok, I'll try it. And we probably need to eat before going into work."

Renji smirked, leaning close to kiss his new partner on the temple before sauntering towards the kitchen. "Breakfast, huh? I'm on it, Taicho. Hey, how'd you sleep?"  
He heard soft footsteps padding after him. "I... I actually slept very well. Better than I have in a long time."

Renji smiled at the half-surprised, half-shy tone of his captain's voice as he prepared to cook their first breakfast together. "That's really good to hear, Byakuya. I'm glad you slept well."

He glanced up when he heard a shy murmur. "I am quite sure that the only reason I slept so well is because of you. I felt comfortable and safe and... um, relieved, in different ways. Thank you for everything, Renji."

Renji set down the bacon and eggs and walked over to lean against the bar across from where the smaller Soul Reaper was sitting, taking one of the slender hands. "You are very welcome. I was happy to help. I plan to continue earning your gratitude, but it won't be necessary to thank me every time." He smiled into the silvery amethyst eyes as he lifted the smaller hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on the back of it. Then he turned back to his task, leaving a flushed but smiling Byakuya sitting at the bar.

Renji smiled to himself; even if his broken moon wasn't ready for certain intimacies, he had followed him to the kitchen when there was no need to. This told him the older man desired his company and wanted to stay close... Byakuya liked the level of intimacy and comfort they had already reached together.

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya watched as his redheaded companion began cooking, and he could sense the happiness and joy that traipsed through the younger man's spiritual energy. He was sure it had to do with the fact that he'd followed his host of his own volition. There had been absolutely no reason for him to follow the crimsonette... other than he'd wanted to stay close, and he had a feeling Renji knew this.

He let his thoughts wander in various directions as he watched his lieutenant cooking. The bigger Soul Reaper appeared focused on his task, but the occasional glance and smile told him otherwise. Byakuya leaned against the bar, admiring the numerous intricate black markings his host bore as his thoughts continued to roam.

Hmm, he had offered a clandestine relationship, with no guarantee of how fast it could progress, and Renji hadn't hesitated to accept. But Byakuya knew how popular his attractive, friendly, and humorous subordinate was. There were always other people hanging around the Rukon Dog, and while he certainly wasn't yet privy to his private life, he'd noticed the affection between him and others.  
"Renji, may I ask you a question?"

The younger man sent a grin his way before refocusing on cooking. "Sure thing, baby. You can ask me anything."

Byakuya attempted to choose his words carefully. "Am I going to be interfering with anything? I am not foolish enough to think you have abstained from having any kind of relationship in the time since you developed feelings for me. I just.. I want make sure that _this_ will not disrupt whatever kind of life you are already leading outside the office."

He saw the broad shoulders stiffen a bit, and the reply was slow and soft. "That was a whole lotta words, just to ask if I agreed to a relationship with you while I'm seeing or hooking up with someone else."

Byakuya blushed and lowered his eyes, realizing that was how his question had sounded. He heard Renji moving closer, and he bowed his head to the side, ashamed that he'd basically just asked this man if he was a whore. After everything his lieutenant had done for him, his words felt harsh and unfair. "I'm sorry, Renji. That was-"

He cut off as long fingers gently caught his chin, lifting his gaze to meet the warm cinnamon eyes as Renji spoke softly. "Byakuya, it's alright. I said you could ask me anything, and I meant it. I'm not in a relationship with anyone else, and while I have hooked up a lot, the last time was over a month ago, and that was with one of my friends. Honestly, the closest thing I've had to a relationship is 'friends with benefits'."

Byakuya didn't recognize the phrase from the World of the Living, but, judging by context, he had a pretty good idea of what it meant. Renji and his friends slept together. "And now?" he asked softly.

The younger man smiled and tilted his head. "Well, I guess I need to find a way to end those 'benefits' without revealing that I'm in a relationship with you. I am loyal, Byakuya. I ain't gonna cheat on you."

Byakuya felt reassured, but now he was curious. "So, who do you need to end these 'benefits' with?"  
The auburn eyes widened at him. "You sure you want me to answer that?"

He hesitated, then shook his head. "I was just curious."

Renji smiled and returned to the food before it could burn. "I'll tell you if you really wanna know. I should probably tell you that my friends know I like you, and some of them have the hots for you, too. Specifically, my male friends."

Byakuya's mouth dropped open in surprise, then his lieutenant announced, "Food's done."

~X~X~X~X~

Renji noticed the shock on his guest's face as he made their plates of scrambled eggs and bacon, and he chuckled lightly. "Ah, if you were surprised that I like you, I suppose you definitely didn't suspect there are other guys attracted to you. I could tell you who." he added in a teasing tone.

His moon stared at him, obviously rendered speechless. Renji smirked, then pulled a thoughtful face. "Hmm, then again, if you knew who else likes you, you might reconsider being with me. You could do a lot better, you know."

At his last words, his captain frowned. "Nonsense. I can't imagine anyone that would actually be better for me, and even if there was, I don't care. I'd rather try to move on with my life with you than with anyone else." The older man's face turned red and he lowered his eyes to his food.

Touched by the ravenette's words, Renji leaned over the bar and kissed his temple, whispering, "Hai, Taicho. You and me, and we'll move on with our lives together." He pulled away, seeing the shy, relieved smile his still-blushing superior wore.  
They ate their breakfast, which Byakuya seemed to enjoy, then Renji made a cup of coffee for each of them. They took their coffee to the couch, getting comfortable for the rest of their time alone together. Byakuya tilted his head and spoke softly. "I am not asking who you've had benefits with, or who finds me attractive, but I am very curious as to who knows of your feelings for me."

Renji smirked at his new partner. "Alright, baby. You realize some of those lists overlap, yeah?" When the smaller Soul Reaper blushed and nodded, he continued. "Let's see... who knows I like you...k, most of my friends know that I like you, but I'd say the most relevant ones would be Shuuhei, Ichigo, Rukia, Rangiku, Ikkaku and Yumichika, and... and there are a couple of other captains that know, too."

He saw how wide Byakuya's amethyst eyes were, and he added quickly, "Umm, let me point out that Rukia is _not_ one of the 'benefit' friends; she's been like a little sister to me ever since the streets, so that's all that's between us, ok?"

The noble nodded slowly, whispering, "That is a lot of people that know how you feel about me, even other captains... how is it that I never noticed?"

Renji smiled reassuringly as he answered in a gentle tone. "Cause I didn't _want_ you to know. I figured your response would include the word 'Scatter', so I did whatever it took to keep you from finding out."

The Kuchiki heir tilted his head. "You really thought I'd have such a reaction?"

Renji shrugged. "Well, if all that shit hadn't happened in the office yesterday, how would you have reacted if I'd just come up to your desk one day out of the blue and said, 'Taicho, I really need to talk to you. I think you're gorgeous and smart and strong, and I know you're a noble and I'm just a street rat, but I'd really, _really_ like it if you let me take you on a date sometime.' What would you have done?"

He watched as Byakuya hesitated thoughtfully. "I... at the very least, I would have sent you over to the Fourth to have your head examined. In light of that, I am glad things happened as they did in the office, and very glad that I came over to apologize."

Renji smiled, leaning close to touch shoulders with his beautiful moon. "Me, too."

His guest smiled back before glancing at the clock with a sigh- it was already a little after 6. "I am not looking forward to work; I'd rather stay here with you. We will have to pretend there is nothing between us... that yesterday and last night didn't even happen."

Detecting a note of pain in his superior's voice, Renji slid an arm around the slender waist. "I know, baby, but it'll be ok. We'll know the truth, and look at it this way: we'll be hiding something naughty, and that's hot."

His soul was filled with joy when his words made that pretty smile reappear just for him.

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya was comforted and reassured by his companion's words and touch. He leaned into the arm around his waist, settling against the crimsonette's side. A thought occurred to him, and he spoke softly. "You know, just because _this_ has to be kept a secret, doesn't mean that we can't perhaps be friends in public."

He felt Renji kiss the top of his head. "I'd like that a lot, baby. We'd have to do that gradually, though, cause it'd look suspicious if we just became friends out of nowhere."  
Byakuya nodded in agreement, then asked shyly, "Would... would it be alright if I came back here after work?"

The arm around his waist tightened a little as the soft reply was murmured close to his ear. "Of course it'd be alright. You're welcome here anytime, Byakuya." A gentle kiss was pressed to his temple, and he blushed lightly as a smile crossed his face. He leaned into the affection, whispering, "Thank you, Renji."

Byakuya heard a soft laugh. "You're very welcome, baby. Now, go get dressed before I decide to try to convince you to take another sick day."

With a laugh of his own, Byakuya got up and went to the bathroom to find his uniform clean, dry, and neatly hung up. He washed his face and started changing out of the sleeping shorts. He noticed 5 small bruises on his ass, realizing that was where Renji had dug his fingers while sucking him.

With a soft, content smile, he finished getting dressed, deciding not to mention the bruises. They didn't really hurt or bother him- it was actually kind of nice to know that as much as Renji worried about him, he'd still also had enough passion to lose control and leave marks on him. But, he had a feeling the younger man would feel terrible for inflicting bruises if he knew, so he would keep the marks of passion as his sensual little secret.

Byakuya walked back out to the front room to finish getting ready. Renji was sitting at one end of the couch, and had all of his accessories laid out neatly. He smiled at the initiative his lieutenant had taken in anticipating his needs. The auburn eyes watched with interest as he began going through his usually-private ritual.  
First, he brushed out his hair and carefully wove his kensaikan into their designated spots. He slipped his captain's haori on, adjusting it just right. He wrapped his windflower silk scarf around his neck and shoulders, the ends trailing down his back. He flicked the bottom few inches of his hair free of the scarf, then slid his hand-guards on.

All through his ritual, Renji stayed quiet, watching everything he did, as though he saw it as some kind of honor to see him get ready. Byakuya smiled to himself; indeed, very few people had ever seen him prepare to go into work.

Now looking every inch the noble captain he was, he sighed and sat down next to the bigger Soul Reaper. He really didn't want to leave; he wanted to stay in this sanctuary, this safe haven that he'd never realized he needed... and that Renji had granted him without a second thought. He felt so safe with his new partner, and didn't want to go to the office and have to wait an hour to see him or be near him again.

The Rukon Dog tilted his head, gazing at him with concern. "Hey, I can get ready and come to work with you, if you want. That way, you won't be alone in the office."

Surprised that the younger man had so precisely figured out what was wrong, and touched that he was willing to come in _early_ (something Renji never did) just to keep him company, Byakuya smiled and shook his head. "Thank you, but I'll be alright. It means a lot to me that you offered, though." He leaned close and kissed the tall redhead on the cheek, receiving a heartwarming smile of surprise and pleasure in return.

He stood, and Renji followed, murmuring, "I can at least walk ya to the door." He blushed at the gesture and nodded, and the crimsonette escorted him to the front door. Once there, Renji paused and took his hand, smoothly interlacing their fingers. "I love you, Byakuya."

Then warm lips gently captured his. This kiss was slow, tender, and sweet, and it sent a wave of warmth through Byakuya that damn near melted him.

~X~X~X~X~

Renji felt Byakuya relax against him, the smaller Soul Reaper leaning into the kiss and returning it. After a moment, he gently broke the kiss and met the dark platinum eyes, speaking softly, "Go to work, my beautiful Taicho, and I'll see you at 8."

The noble smirked at him. "I believe I told you, I do not take well to being told what to do."

Renji grinned, still happy as shit that this was really happening. "Hmm, _please_ go to work? Before I try to find a way for both of us to stay home?"

He watched as the older man contemplated his words. "I suppose I should go to work, though staying home sounds terribly tempting."

Renji shrugged as his guest picked up Senbonzakura and settled it at his hip. "I know it's tempting to stay, Byakuya. But, hey, at least we've got after work to look forward to, right?"  
The ravenette smiled up at him, a light blush covering his cheeks as he opened the front door and stepped out. "Indeed. I am looking forward to that."

Renji was surprised, but pleased when his moon gave him one last kiss on the lips, then whispered, "See you at the office, Lieutenant." He watched his captain disappear in a flash-step. He could feel the goofy grin on his face as he cleaned up, washing dishes and making plans for tonight.

Renji was happier than he'd been in a long time, even when he started thinking about how to tell certain friends that they wouldn't be hooking up anymore. He knew his friendships were rock-solid, even without 'benefits', so he didn't have to worry about losing any of the people that were important to him.

As he began getting ready, Renji just hoped none of his 'benefit' friends came around while his superior and precious new partner was around.

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya made it to the office on time, and dove into the paperwork that had built up yesterday while he was 'out sick'. Forms and reports flew under his fingers, only stopping for the occasional Hell Butterfly message. His replies were swift and formal as always. He dispatched one to the Kuchiki manor to inform his staff that he'd be stopping by after work, but that he was staying the night elsewhere.

He finished all his backed-up paperwork, then glanced over to Renji's desk. Hmm, it was about 20 minutes to 8. He got up and walked over to the other desk, eyeing the stack of papers occupying the in-box. After all, his lieutenant had been out sick, as well. He started gathering the forms, intending to lighten the work that he knew his subordinate detested.

Just as he finished gathering the papers, the door to the office slid open, admitting the crimsonette he hadn't been expecting to see for another 20 minutes. He found himself frozen as Renji paused, auburn eyes flicking over the papers in his arms, then over to his own desk with all it's completed work. By the time the coppery eyes lifted back to his, Byakuya had found his voice. "Good morning, Lieutenant Abarai."

The smallest smirk curved the younger man's lips as he replied politely. "Good morning, Captain. Whattcha doin' there, sir? Cause with all due respect, it kinda looks like you're stealin' my work."

Byakuya tilted his head haughtily. "I do not care for paperwork. However, I know you like it even less, so I was attempting to avoid hearing all those annoyed sounds you make every day that you think I do not notice."

Amusement filled the bigger Soul Reaper's warm amber eyes. "Ah, I see, sir. Well, if you leave me some of that work, I promise to keep those annoyed sounds to a minimum."

Slowly, Byakuya nodded, and the tall Rukon Dog stepped closer, holding his gaze as he took the paperwork from his arms. Byakuya felt the warm hands brush against his, a type of contact that had occurred many times over the last few months. For the first time, he realized that the 'accidental' touches were actually Renji's attempts to have any kind of contact with him.  
"You've been doing that on purpose." he murmured, keeping his voice empty of accusation or blame.

His lieutenant nodded and gave him a shy smile. "Hai, Taicho. I know I promised to behave in the office, but I figured that would be ok since I been doing it anyways. Completely normal."

That endearing smile was doing it's damnedest to beckon one from Byakuya's lips as he replied. "'Normal'? You are here a whole 20 minutes early, Lieutenant, and if I didn't know better, I would think you have the audacity to try and make me smile."

The younger man shrugged as he moved to sit at his desk, papers in hand. "Well, I'm early cause I was bored of being alone, and I actually spend a lot of time trying to make you smile cause you're so serious, Taicho. Would it really be the end of the world if you smiled once in a while?"

Knowing he was being teased, Byakuya fought a smirk as he headed for his own desk. "Perhaps. If I were to smile, I may very well doom us all."

A light chuckle rose behind him. "Anything but that, Captain. See, I just started a relationship with someone really special, and I'd hate to be doomed before getting a chance to see how wonderful it could be."

Byakuya glanced over as he sat at his desk, but the redhead was already focused on his work, wearing a soft, relaxed smile.

Byakuya noticed one major difference over the next few hours, a difference between this day and all previous days. There was no tension in the air. He had wondered why the office always seemed so tense; now he realized his lieutenant had been frustrated from trying to hide the feelings he was dealing with. Now that things were clear between them, the Rukon Dog was at ease, lowering a great deal of the tension.

Byakuya was surprised to find that he was more relaxed, as well. He'd never consciously noticed that being around his volatile, unpredictable spitfire of a subordinate had often put him on guard. It bothered him a bit to realize that he'd subconsciously been suspicious and uneasy around the bigger Soul Reaper, but he was relieved that the feeling no longer existed.

Perhaps for the first time since Renji had become his lieutenant, they both felt completely safe and comfortable around each other, and this made for a much more pleasant working environment.

As lunchtime approached, the younger man brought over the forms that required his signature, asking, "Hey, Captain? You... um... you got any plans for lunch, sir?"  
Keeping his eyes on the forms as he signed them, Byakuya murmured, "None in particular. What about yourself?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that the crimsonette was starting to rock back and forth on his feet. "Um... well, no, I don't really have any plans, but I was thinking... I could go get something from the dining hall for both of us, and.. I dunno, maybe we could eat it in here together while doing our work?"

Byakuya looked up, charmed by the shy tone of voice and the nervously excited look the redhead wore. When he looked up, Renji stopped rocking and folded his hands behind his back. Byakuya asked softly, "This is something you've wanted to do for a long time, is it not? Ask me to share lunch with you?"

A shy nod answered him, and the younger man seemed to be having difficulty holding his gaze, as though his instincts were telling him to lower his eyes. Byakuya allowed a small, reassuring smile to curve his lips. "This sounds like a good plan. Might I propose a small change to it, though?"

Looking pleased that his offer to share lunch had been accepted, the Rukon Dog grinned. "Yeah, I mean, yes, sir?"

Byakuya frowned down at the forms on his desk. "I detest paperwork. There is a small garden behind our barracks, and I know for a fact that it is rarely visited, besides by myself. I believe I would rather eat there, instead of in here while doing this despicable paperwork. Are you agreeable to this change of plan?"

Renji nodded eagerly, obviously trying to restrain his excitement. "Hai! That sounds good, Captain."

Byakuya nodded, then gestured towards the other desk. "It is another 15 minutes until lunchtime. I will let you go 5 minutes early so you can go get our lunches, but we will both work until then."

The bigger Soul Reaper nodded obediently and scrambled back to his desk. They worked in companionable silence for about 10 minutes, then Byakuya opened his mouth to dismiss Renji to get lunch. Before he could say anything, a knock rang out from the door to the office. Frowning at the interruption, Byakuya called out, "Enter!"

The door slid open to admit a dark, scarred lieutenant with a 69 tattooed on his cheek. Byakuya saw Renji stiffen, hand tightening on his pen. The redhead almost had a look of panic on his face as he whispered, "Shuu."

~X~X~X~X~

Renji was sure he was about to break his pen, but he couldn't seem to let go. Like a passerby morbidly fascinated by an accident, he was frozen, watching as one of his best friends (complete with 'benefits') walked up to his captain's desk.

The lieutenant that had been successfully holding an entire squad together since his own captain's defection and betrayal, and through friendship and occasional shared pleasure, had held Renji together after endless days of one 'cold, heartless Taicho'.

The slightly older Soul Reaper was handing a sheaf of papers to Captain Kuchiki, speaking politely. "Here you go, Captain. The personnel reports you requested the other day. I would've had them to you sooner, but I was making sure there were no mistakes."

Renji watched as the ravenette accepted the papers with a nod. "Thank you, Lieutenant Hisagi."

The scarred man inclined his head as he turned away from the noble to face Renji's desk. "Anytime, sir."

Renji's spine stiffened at the faint suggestive tone in his friend's voice, a tone he was sure Byakuya wouldn't notice. To his knowledge, the Kuchiki heir never had noticed Shuuhei's innocently mild flirtations.

Renji wanted to groan out loud. Shuu was not _just_ one of his best friends, and one of his 'benefit' friends. He was also one of the friends that shared his desire for the owner of those steel-amethyst eyes that were watching this 'friend' stroll over to his desk.

The fellow Rukon survivor greeted him, lapsing into the casual, slightly slurred speech ingrained during formative years spent on the street and trying to survive in the wild. "Heya Ren, it's almost chow time. You wanna grab a bite? Alls us gonna be eatin at Ken's office t'day."

Almost unconsciously, Renji fell into the comfortable, familiar speech pattern. "Nah, Shuu, I gots plans fer t'day. You c'n tell the others 'm sorry, yeah? But I do gotta talk t'ya soon, real soon."

Bright sky-silver eyes widened at him. "Soun's serious, Firefly. Somethin' wrong?"

Renji shook his head. "Nah, nothin' really wrong. Just gotta talk t'ya bout somethin' 'mportant... in private." He finally dared to glance at his captain, who didn't seem to be paying attention to them. But he was sure the noble had been looking at the same form since Shuuhei had come to his desk, without writing a damn thing. "Shuu, can'ya wait outside?"

His friend nodded and left. Slowly, Renji got up and crept towards his superior's desk. "Ca-Captain?" The dark platinum eyes rose to his, and Renji cleared his throat nervously. "Um, I... I really do need to talk to Lieutenant Hisagi. I don't wanna miss our lunch, but..." he trailed off awkwardly, feeling horrible that he was canceling what could basically count as their first date. He shuffled his feet guiltily, feeling so bad he wanted to cry.

Then Byakuya was standing in front of him, whispering, "Do not feel bad, Renji. I understand you need to talk to him, and the sooner, the better, right?"  
He gave a little miserable nod, still upset that their lunch was cancelled, and just when he'd finally gotten the guts to ask! He wasn't being a good partner, and it'd serve him right if the ravenette was mad at him. He was snapped out of his thoughts by a cool hand touching his cheek, hearing a soft, "Look at me."

He lifted his eyes to the older man's, and Byakuya spoke gently. "If you're going to talk to him for the reason I suspect, then I am ok with our lunch being postponed, because I think you're going to make sure our relationship will be alright. It is fine, I promise. I am not angry with you, Renji."

Reassured, Renji smiled at the smaller Soul Reaper. "Thank you, Taicho. I didn't wanna start out our relationship by hurtin' your feelings. I wouldn't neglect you if I had a choice- I just gotta get this conversation outta the way."

Byakuya gave a small smile and shook his head. "I'm fine, you silly, worrisome man. Go take care of this, and maybe we'll still have time to eat."

Renji nodded, his mind already formulating what he was going to say and how he was going to say it. No matter how good his 'benefits' were, they were not worth risking his budding new romance with the one he loved.

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya saw the thoughtful look on his lieutenant's face as he left, looking like he was on a mission. Once the redhead had left, Byakuya sat back at his desk with a sigh. He hadn't lied; he really was ok with what Renji was doing, but he'd lost his appetite, and he found himself terribly curious about the conversation the lieutenants were having.

Just then, he felt the flicker of Renji's spiritual pressure- behind him? He turned in his chair to look out the window behind his desk. Several trees were visible from the big window, and he saw Renji and Shuuhei sitting in one. Renji was talking animatedly, gesturing with his hands, while Shuuhei was nodding with a look of interest on his face.

Byakuya frowned and turned back to his paperwork. Even if he couldn't hear the younger men, it still felt wrong to watch the private conversation. This resolve lasted a whole 2.5 seconds before he was turning back to the window. His lieutenant and the leader of Squad 9 were still in the tree, and they seemed to be smiling at each other.

They shared a short hug, Shuuhei patting Renji's back. Then the scarred lieutenant bounded out of the tree, a grin on his face as he disappeared. Renji hopped down and began running in the direction of the dining hall.

Byakuya turned back to his desk, noticing there was less than half an hour left of lunch. A few moments later, Renji came in, carrying two lunches. "Sorry I took so long, Taicho. I don't think we have time to go to that garden. Next time?"

Byakuya nodded and stood. "I have a compromise for today. Come with me."  
The younger man followed obediently as Byakuya moved to a side door rarely used. He opened it to reveal his captain's office quarters. Though he hardly ever used this room, he kept it in top shape- a decently sized room with a futon, bookshelves, a tiny kitchenette, and a sectioned-off shower area.

Byakuya started walking towards the futon, pausing when he realized he was no longer being followed. He glanced back to see Renji hesitating in the doorway, holding their lunches against his chest as he looked around the room he'd never been in. "Renji?"

The auburn eyes shifted to him, and the crimsonette took a small step into the room. "Hai, Taicho?"

He tilted his head at the bigger Soul Reaper. "Come on. I'm hungry, and the lunch hour is fading." He walked over to sit on the futon, watching as his subordinate quickly followed. Renji opened the bentos, spreading their lunch on the futon between them. Byakuya smiled in approval; it looked like every single item in his bento was food he favored but had never actually told the redhead. "You know what I like?"

Renji shrugged as a light blush covered his cheeks. "Yeah, well, I've been your lieutenant for a while now. What kind of second-seat would I be if I didn't know what my captain liked?"

Byakuya found himself smiling. "Stalker."  
Renji grinned at him. "It's quite the hobby, sir."

They ate until satisfied, with a few minutes to spare. Byakuya spoke gently. "You don't have to tell me, but I am curious as to how your talk with Lieutenant Hisagi went."

The Rukon Dog smiled and nodded. "It went fine. He's fine not having 'benefits' anymore. Me and Shuu have been friends for a long time without having anything else, so we're solid. I even told him to spread the word that yours truly is no longer available for hooking up."

Byakuya tilted his head. "Did you give him a reason?"

Renji nodded. "Yep. I kept your name out of it, didn't give any indication that it has anything to do with you. But I did say that I'm trying to start a relationship with someone, and that we kinda wanna keep it low-key, sorta hush-hush for now. We hugged, and he went to tell our other friends."

Byakuya smiled in approval of how his partner had handled this, and pleased that Renji had been so honest with him.

~X~X~X~X~

Renji was relieved that Byakuya wasn't upset that he'd messed up their lunch plans. He was glad he'd been able to tell Shuu, and that his friend had agreed to tell the others. They cleaned up the remains of their lunch and went back out to the office, settling in for the rest of the workday.

After a while, Renji noticed it was getting harder to focus on work. Instead, his mind seemed determined to taunt him with naughty thoughts.

Now, Renji had been having fantasies about his captain for some time, but now that he knew what Byakuya looked and sounded like as pleasure washed over him, and he'd seen a lot of that pale, sleekly muscled body, the images were more vivid and detailed than ever. He struggled to focus on work, even as his mind lost itself.

_It'd be in the future, once he'd earned his moon's complete trust and they'd already gone all the way. Another boring day in the office... until Renji slipped over to his superior and began whispering in his ear. The noble would protest at first, saying how they were in the office and had to behave. Ahhh, but Renji would be gently persistent and seductive, and those protests would fade._   
_He'd get his ravenette all worked up and frisky, then have him stand up. He'd strip the older man slowly, reveling in the perfection of the Kuchiki heir, then undress himself while holding that stormy amethyst gaze. Using his hands and a gentle voice, he'd guide his lover to bend over his desk so that beautiful ass was on display._

_Renji wouldn't take him right away; that'd end their fun too quickly. He'd run his hands and mouth over the smooth back and curved ass, licking and nipping and caressing, preparing his precious partner until his lovely Byakuya was trembling and panting... ohhh, maybe even begging... 'Please, Re-Renji, stop teasing and take me.'_

_At that point, Renji would happily indulge, moving close to press himself inside that gorgeous body. 'Like this, baby?' A quiver and whimper would answer him as he buried himself as deep as he could. He'd lean over a bit so his body sheltered the smaller Soul Reaper. He'd rock his hips slowly at first, drawing sweet moans and whimpers out of his lover._

_Then his superior would become impatient with the slow pace, pushing back against his thrusts. 'Fuck me like you mean it, Renji!' Damn, how fast he'd obey that order, driving into-_  
 *****  
"For the love of the gods, Lieutenant Abarai!"  
Renji snapped out of his daydream so fast, he got dizzy and almost fell out of his chair. "Huh? What?" He was still at his desk, and he focused on his captain across the room. Byakuya was frowning at him.  
"I am not a mind reader, but your energy is flooding the office, and you are staring into space and making sounds. Cut it out; you are making it har- difficult to concentrate."

Renji felt his face burning, and he answered in a small voice. "Hai. Sorry, Captain." He lowered his eyes, unsure if he should be ashamed.

Then he heard the noble's voice again, a shade gentler this time. "There is no need to apologize. It was simply distracting. Whatever you were thinking about, I suggest you save those thoughts for after work."

Renji glanced up to see Byakuya focused on his work, but the pale cheeks were dusted pink. He spoke softly. "Yes, Taicho."

Just then, a Hell Butterfly fluttered in, filling the voice with Head Captain's voice. "There will be a Captain's Meeting after work."

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya sensed disappointment in his lieutenant's riatsu as the Hell Butterfly left with his reply. He looked over to see the younger man focused on his work with a tiny frown. "Renji, I-"

The crimsonette glanced up and shook his head, smoothly cutting him off. "It's alright, Taicho. I know the captain's meetings are important. Besides, by the time you get out of the meeting, I can probably have food ready, be prepared for company, all that stuff." A charming smile was sent his way, supported by the calming of the redhead's spiritual energy.

Relieved that everything was alright, Byakuya smirked. "Oh, yes, because I can be quite the demanding guest."

Renji chuckled as he refocused on his work. "Well then, it's a good thing I'm a very accomodating host."

The next few hours passed peacefully, occasional shared glances and smiles brightening the office just for them.

As the workday drew to a close, Byakuya dismissed Renji a bit early. "Go ahead and go home, Abarai. I'll go to this meeting, then I need to stop by the Kuchiki manor, then I'll come over."

The crimsonette tilted his head. "You sure? I could stay and tidy up the office while you go to the meeting?"

Byakuya shook his head, giving a small smile. "That's alright, I will handle it. Don't you have to prepare for a houseguest?"

Renji grinned. "Yeah, I do. I'll go, then. Good luck with the meeting, Taicho." The bigger Soul Reaper was suddenly at his side in a flash-step, kissing him on the cheek. "I'll see you, later, sir." Then his lieutenant was gone, leaving Byakuya staring after him with warm cheeks.

His mind wandered into how Renji already seemed to be putting all his effort into their new relationship, making sure he was ok and that he knew the redhead cared about him. He wanted to contribute, as well, and show Renji that he wanted this to work, too. What could he do for the sweet Rukon Dog who asked nothing of him?

As he considered this, a Hell Butterfly landed on his desk, and the Head Captain's voice filled the office. "The meeting for today is canceled; the matters are not urgent and can wait until tomorrow's weekly meeting."

Byakuya felt a mischievous smile crossing his face- Renji didn't know the meeting had been canceled...

What little work remained was quickly taken care of, and Byakuya set off.

_End of Ch7_

x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my, what could Bya be up to?


	8. Favors & Freakouts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Byakuya is gonna get triggered. Not the first one - he has a small freeze-up, then later has an actual freakout episode.

Warning: Byakuya is gonna get 'triggered' and freak out.

x  
Previously, on 'Healing the Moon':  
 _((Byakuya felt a mischievous smile crossing his face- Renji didn't know the meeting had been canceled..._  
 _What little work remained was quickly taken care of, and Byakuya set off.))_  
x

Renji surveyed his handiwork and preparations with pride. He'd been working like a madman, and now his quarters were practically spotless, supper was ready to be cooked, and he had a nifty plan for tonight's sleeping arrangements.

He headed for the shower, ready to get clean and wait for his guest. As he stripped and stepped under the warm spray, he thought about the beauty and power that his moon possessed. These he had always known, and he had often suspected there was something deeper under the noble's coldness. But what he had never imagined before yesterday was the trauma or the vulnerable, almost fragile side his superior had been hiding.

It made him want the Kuchiki heir even more; that surprising fragility inflamed his protectiveness and his desire. He longed for any chance to prove to Byakuya that sex didn't have to be painful or degrading, or something to be frightened of. He knew from experience that this was probably exactly how the abused ravenette saw it, even if it was only subconsciously.

Renji knew he had to be careful, but that was fine. He'd much rather be careful than risk any harm to the man he loved. He would be patient, and he wouldn't make his traumatized partner feel rushed or guilted into doing something he wasn't ready for. Anything but that! In fact...  
Renji glanced down at his body, which was hard and throbbing. Bracing one hand against the shower wall, he moved the other to turn the water to a slightly cooler setting. Then he lowered that hand to his aching length, slowly stroking himself as some of his favorite images of his gorgeous, lethal captain filled his mind, along with some lovely recent images.

His purpose was clear; he needed to take care of this now so that when his guest arrived, maybe he'd be able to focus on spending time with him instead of how much he wanted to do other stuff with him. Hopefully.

Renji was so busy concentrating on relieving the demanding pressure that he never heard the knock at his front door.

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya paused after knocking on his lieutenant's front door. There was no answer, and he could faintly hear the sound of running water. Of course Renji wasn't ready to answer the door; the crimsonette thought he was at the meeting and had no idea he'd be here so soon.

Well, he certainly didn't want to just stand here waiting! Carefully, he laid his hand on the doorknob and turned it. It wasn't locked, and he slipped into his subordinate's home. He could definitely hear the shower running now as he locked the front door and set down the overnight bag he'd urgently packed when he stopped at the manor. His first thought was to wait out in the living room and surprise his host- Renji would surely be excited to get out of the shower and see that he was already here.

As Byakuya was getting comfortable, though, he heard another sound from the direction of the bathroom. A soft, breathy moan, almost eclipsed by the sound of running water. Byakuya raised his eyebrows as he got up and crept to the bathroom door. Another soft moan drifted out, followed by a slight whimper. He felt his body tighten at the sounds as his heart pounded. Holding his breath, Byakuya eased the door open a few inches and peeked in.

Through the blurry glass of the shower door, he could see Renji... and what he was doing. The sight stirred his blood, and he bit back a moan as he adjusted his hardening member. Until quite recently, he had never really considered himself as attracted to other guys, but it seemed Renji was changing his mind about a lot of things.

Even distorted by the textured glass, the younger man was a beautiful sight. A whimpered moan filled the bathroom. "Ahh, Byakuya. Oh, gods, baby."

Byakuya was ridiculously pleased that Renji was thinking about _him_ , and he could feel everything in him pulling towards his redheaded partner who, judging by a frustrated-sounding groan, was close, but having a little trouble reaching his peak.

Silently, he slipped out of his clothes and accessories, abandoning them in a pile on the floor of the hallway. Hard as a rock and naked as the day he was born, Byakuya quietly slipped into the bathroom and shut the door.

~X~X~X~X~

Renji leaned his forehead against the cool tile wall, whimpering in pain and frustration. Soooo fuckin' close! His body was excruciatingly tight, and he was ready to blow, but his release stayed just out of reach. Damn! Whenever his partner got here, he did _not_ wanna be a freakin' walking hard-on!

Just then, a noise caught his attention. He raised his head towards the sound, meeting a pair of dark amethyst-chrome eyes at the shower door. "By-Byakuya? Wha... I... "

A small smile saved him from his stammering as the noble stepped into the shower, naked and so beautiful Renji could've cried. The ravenette spoke softly. "The meeting was postponed for the weekly meeting tomorrow. What are you up to in here, Renji?"

Renji hesitated, biting his lip as he glanced down at the position he'd been caught in, hand still wrapped around his cock, which seemed very happy that their guest had arrived early. Keeping his eyes down, he whispered, "I was trying to take care of this before you got here so I wouldn't be so distracted, and I didn't want you to feel pressured into anything."

Renji was surprised to see a pale hand reach out to lay against his stomach, just over the top of his burgundy curls. His abs tightened reflexively at the light, but somehow authoritative touch, heart pounding so hard he barely heard a soft murmur. "So you are doing this, in part at least, for my benefit?"

Renji gave a shaky nod as he tried to remember how to breathe. He had no way of knowing the older man's intent, but unless the noble planned to turn on him, he had a feeling he wasn't gonna be complaining. A gasp escaped him as slender fingers threaded into the short hairs right above the base of his throbbing member, and his eyes shot to warm steel. The smaller Soul Reaper was gazing up at him with a look of satisfaction, a vaguely naughty expression on his fine features, and Renji's heart skipped a beat. "Tai-Taicho?"

Byakuya tilted his head, breathing, "It's ok, Renji. Would you like some help?"  
Words failed him as he felt the lightest tug on his curls, then the slender fingers crept lower to brush against the base of his cock. He tried to answer his superior, but only an incoherent whimper came out as his legs started shaking.  
His new partner smiled up at him. "I'll take that as a 'yes'. Why don't you sit down?"

Renji glanced behind him at the bench-seat he used when he needed to shower, but was too worn out to stand. He backed away until he was in front of the bench, watching his gorgeous moon follow to stand in front of him.

Renji hesitated, loving the confidence his captain was exhibiting, but unsure if this was something the abused ravenette should really be doing. The older man tilted his head as if reading his mind. "What is the point of being forced to learn something, if you can't one day use your experience to please someone you want to? I want to do this for you, Renji, and I know you want it, too, no matter how else you feel about me doing it. So sit down, my sweet, worrisome Renji, and stop overthinking this."

Caught off-guard by his guest's words, including the fact that Byakuya had called him _his_ , a very stunned Renji did as he was told and sat down on the bench, watching as his beautiful, lethal superior sank to his knees before him.

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya rested his knees on the cool tiled floor, feeling the water from the shower hitting his back. He watched the myriad of emotions playing across his lieutenant's face; the desire and need, the excitement and anticipation, the confused blend of grateful acceptance and concerned hesitance. He knew he'd been right in his assumption that Renji was worried because of his past, but he had told the truth when he said he wanted to do this.

He smiled reassuringly as he slid his hands up the muscled, tribal-marked thighs, which began to quiver as the crimsonette moaned softly. "By-Byakuya.. I.. gods, baby, I'm already really clo-close."

Byakuya smirked playfully at his subordinate who, in his surprise at the current events, was still holding his member. He tapped the hand wrapped around his target. "Would you deny your 'moon' the honor of pushing you from close to finished? Don't make me use reiatsu against you, Lieutenant."

The bigger Soul Reaper shivered and finally moved his hand out of the way, whispering, "I like the way your reiatsu feels when you're not really mad at me, Taicho."

Byakuya leaned close to brush his lips over the swollen length as he let a small amount of his energy fan out to surround him and his partner. He heard Renji start panting shakily, and he tilted his head to wrap his lips around the leaking cock just as he grasped the base of the shaft with one hand.

A loud, pleased moan rewarded his efforts as Renji started trembling. Byakuya began sucking and stroking the warm, hard flesh, lifting his eyes to watch the reactions of the redhead. Renji was gazing down at him with those deep auburn eyes, panting softly. The obvious pleasure on the strong features made Byakuya feel wonderful. That he was pleasing someone who cared about him, who loved him...

To his surprise, his body was responding, and enthusiastically. While he really had wanted to do this for his partner, he had not expected to stay aroused. Not only had he stayed aroused, he could feel himself becoming even more turned on as breathless moans began filling his ears. He sucked harder and gave a moan of his own, making Renji whimper at the vibrations.

Byakuya flicked his eyes to the side, faltering in his attention when he saw the younger man's hand lifting towards his head. His back stiffened before he could stop it, and the hand froze instantly. Byakuya was paralyzed, staring at the hand that he hoped to the gods was not intending to push his head down.

A pained whisper reached him through the rising rush of panic. "Oh, Byakuya... shit. Look at me, baby."  
His eyes obediently darted up to meet reassuring deep amber, and the crimsonette spoke softly, still panting. "I wasn't gonna push down. That's not nice. Dis-disrespectful. Just wanna touch... hair, face... touch my beautiful, brave Byakuya. Not push."

Feeling the tension ease out of his shoulders, Byakuya kept his eyes on his lieutenant's as he resumed his ministrations, realizing neither of their arousals had diminished during his momentary freakout. He saw the surprise flutter over Renji's features as his subordinate whispered, "You ain't gotta... you... you can stop if you want, baby."

Comforted by the assurance that he could stop if he wanted to, Byakuya allowed the corners of his mouth to tilt up as he sucked harder, stroking the Rukon Dog with one hand and lowering the other to his own aching length.

He hummed into the hard shaft and inclined his head towards his partner's hand, still hovering a few inches from his face.

~X~X~X~X~

Renji couldn't decide if he was more shocked or delighted by Byakuya's obvious willingness to continue; he really had expected the abused noble to stop after freezing like that. And he would've completely understood and supported that decision.

But, ohhh gods, the ravenette had chosen to keep going, and it felt so incredible, and he would've bet anything that his partner was touching himself at the same time. That thought took his breath away, and he panted for air as every fiber of his being begged for release at the hands of the Kuchiki heir.

When his moon had frozen up, the concern that had filled Renji had completely derailed his focus, but Byakuya was doing a wonderful job of getting him back on track.

Through a haze of arousal, he saw Byakuya tilt his head towards his hand. With a whimper, he let his fingertips settle on a pale cheek, caressing soft skin and tenderly brushing back the rogue hairs that were trying to interfere with what the older man was doing. He was elated when Byakuya seemed to welcome his touch, leaning more into his attention and sucking him harder. Threading his fingers into silky black hair, Renji damn near growled in ecstasy.

His superior looked so sinfully gorgeous on his knees and sucking his cock for everything he was worth, and he could see that left arm moving...

Renji shifted, trying to see Byakuya touching himself without disturbing the lovely attention he was receiving. Curious platinum eyes caught his, and he murmured gently, "Wanna see. Please?" A light blush covered the pale cheeks as his partner shifted to expose himself.

Renji practically purred at the sight of his beautiful moon stroking himself in the same rhythm he was using to suck and stroke him. "That's so fuckin' sexy, Taicho." The older man's blush deepened drastically, and Renji hissed in pleasure when he felt teeth graze his shaft for a moment. "Ahh, fuck! I know that was probably meant as punishment for embarrassin' you, but shit, you did that perfectly, and it felt goooood! See, you didn't know- you got yourself someone who _likes_ rough shit."

The amethyst eyes widened up at him, and he felt the teeth again, lightly brushing his flesh. Renji whimpered in pleasure, leaning his head back and trying not to thrust into the attention. Gods, Byakuya was good at this! All Renji had to do was not focus on exactly **_how_** his captain had become so skilled.

He watched through half-closed eyes as his partner sucked and stroked him harder, dark eyes looking up at him all the while. He felt the tingling tightness coil through his body, and he knew it was over for him.

He burrowed his fingers deeper into the thick black silk as he whimpered a warning. "Ahh, ahh, gonna cum! Oh, gods, Taicho!" He tried to stop his superior, only to be washed in reprimanding riatsu as the ravenette sucked even harder and began swallowing rhythmically.

Renji screamed in pleasure as his climax slammed into him, and he could feel the hot rush leaving him to shoot down his partner's throat. As his sounds of relief devolved into soft whimpers, he felt Byakuya drain him, then gently release his cock.

Renji managed to focus on the slender noble still kneeling in front of him. He registered the satisfied look in the violet-platinum eyes, and his superior smiled at him. "Enjoy the rest of your shower, Lieutenant."

Slowly, the smaller Soul Reaper stood, and Renji felt a grin crossing his face when he saw pearly strands on the pale, sculpted stomach. He was incredibly glad that the Kuchiki heir had been able to reach his own completion, even while sucking him with such finesse. This gave Renji even more hope for their future, especially in matters of intimacy.

He reached out and weakly caught a slender wrist, giving a light tug. Byakuya obediently leaned closer, and Renji kissed him thoroughly, tasting his own essence blended with the warm sweetness of the older man. As they slowly broke apart, he murmured, "Thank you, Taicho. That was... oh wow."

His partner blushed lightly. "You're welcome. Now, I'm rinsing off and going to go wait to be spoiled."

Renji chuckled. "You do that, baby. Take a look around if you want; we were too distracted yesterday for me to give you the 'tour'. I'll be out in a minute."

The noble nodded and turned away to rinse off, and that was when Renji saw the bruises on his moon's ass.

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya was feeling proud of himself as he started to rinse off. He had brought pleasure to his partner, and even reached his own completion while doing so. And other than that moment of thinking that Renji might push his head down, he hadn't allowed his past to interfere.

Just then, he heard a gasp, and he glanced back to see those deep amber eyes fixed on his behind. Oh, gods, the bruises! "Renji?"

Devastated auburn eyes rose to his as the crimsonette whispered, "Did I do that to you?"

Byakuya shrugged, intending to explain his view on the matter. "It's alright-"

Before he could finish, the Rukon Dog was frowning at him. "The hell it is! That most certainly is _not_ 'alright'; I shouldn't be leaving marks like that on you! I'm not supposed to hurt you!"

Byakuya could tell that Renji was quickly becoming upset with himself, and he squared his shoulders as he spoke firmly. "That's enough. First of all, I happen to bruise easily, always have. You did not harm me in any way. I actually liked the way you held my body as if you'd never let me go. If I had a problem with these bruises, rest assured that I would have said something this morning when I first noticed them. As long as they are not visible to others, I really don't give a damn what marks you leave on me, because I will know they only happened because you have so much passion for me that you lost control a little, and _not_ from you trying to hurt me. Have I made myself clear?"

The redhead looked startled by his rant, and nodded slowly, whispering, "Yes, sir. I... I wouldn't hurt you."

Byakuya smiled. "I know you wouldn't, Renji. I believe that with every fiber of my being. If I didn't, I wouldn't be here." He moved close to give his lieutenant a sweet, lingering kiss that the younger man returned eagerly.

When they parted, Renji whispered, "You sure you're ok, baby?"

He nodded, smirking a little. "I promise I am fine. More than 'fine', actually. I am fantastic, and I wonder what other marks of passion you might leave on me if given the opportunity. I believe I am looking forward to receiving them, my fierce Renji."

The bigger Soul Reaper looked stunned, but only for a moment. Then, the Rukon Dog gave a slow, wickedly feral grin that bared his sharp canines. "If you really mean that, then maybe I'm lookin' forward to inflictin' them. I dunno if you really know what you've gotten yourself into, my naughty Byakuya."

Byakuya felt his cheeks warming as he shrugged. "You're probably right; I don't have a clue. But I trust you not to maliciously hurt me, and perhaps you would care to enlighten me sometime on what exactly I've 'gotten myself into'. Now, I'm going back out to the living room to wait for my 'tour'. Don't keep me waiting forever- your showers are ridiculously long."

He flicked his hair haughtily and turned away, stepping out of the shower. He heard a light chuckle behind him. "Hai, Taicho. I'll be out soon. I love you so fuckin' much."

Byakuya smiled over his shoulder. "Perhaps _you_ are the one who doesn't know what they've gotten into." He grabbed a towel and slipped out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He gathered his things from the floor and went to the living room. He put his uniform and accessories into his overnight bag, exchanging them for a pair of lounging hakamas and one of his favorite yukatas; they were a matching set and one of his few personal extravagances- black silk silver on the hems and silver dragons winding around his limbs.

He got dressed, then brushed his hair and tied it in a high ponytail, then looked around a bit. He didn't want to explore his partner's quarters alone, but he judged the front room and kitchen as ok since he'd already been in both. He toured the kitchen first, impressed by the volume and variety of food, cookware, and utensils he found. It seemed as if Renji enjoyed cooking, especially stuff from the Living World.

Byakuya went back out to the living room, looking at what he'd missed yesterday between his exhaustion and numerous distractions. Besides the couch they'd slept on last night, there was another couch and a couple of recliners. Still hearing the shower, Byakuya found that all the furniture was quite comfortable. Then he spotted something that caught every bit of his attention.

A bookcase.  
Byakuya found himself in front of it, his eyes roaming the literature stored on the floor-to-ceiling shelves. Books and scrolls and parchment and notebooks and stationary all occupied this entire corner of the room, and he could barely believe he hadn't notice this before.

Entranced, Byakuya reached out to run his fingers over the spines of the books he could reach. Serious ones, like 'History of the Soul Society' and 'Hollows: Fact vs Fiction' and less serious fiction books about romance, mythical creatures, dangerous quests, and heroes.

Byakuya was so enthralled by this literary discovery that he didn't hear the shower turn off. Looking over the bookcase like a kid in a candy store is how his partner found him.

~X~X~X~X~

Renji was humming softly to himself as he strolled out of the bathroom in his relaxing hakamas and yukata. As he reached the end of the hallway, he saw his captain in front of his bookcase. He paused, drinking in the sight.

Byakuya looked lovely with his hair tied back and wearing black and silver lounging clothes. The noble was lovingly caressing the books he could reach, occasionally pulling one out for a closer look, then carefully putting it back. Then he apparently found one he liked, as Renji saw the silvery eyes widen with interest.

The ravenette didn't even bother with a chair, just sat cross-legged on the floor with the book in his lap. Renji smiled blissfully as he watched his adorable partner nerding out. After a few minutes, during which Byakuya read several pages, Renji cleared his throat. "Ahem. Enjoying yourself, baby?"

He grinned when the older man jumped and clutched the book to his chest, scrambling to get up as he tried to stammer out an explanation, which Renji waved away as he strolled over. "Don't worry 'bout it. It's totally cool that you seem to like my collection. Sorry I startled you."

The smaller Soul Reaper blushed. "I... when I'm reading, I phase out sometimes."  
Renji smiled reassuringly. "That's ok, I do, too. If you want, you can keep reading while I fix supper."

He watched as his guest hesitated, then shook his head. "You are out of the shower, and I would rather spend time with you."

Renji smirked. "Best shower of my life."  
Byakuya blushed, then lowered his eyes to the book he held. Realizing that his partner didn't want to lose his place, Renji huffed. "What, you think I have this many books and no bookmarks?" He grabbed a small box off of one of the higher shelves and opened it. One bookmark immediately caught his attention; one he had bought over a year ago and never used because he'd been waiting for the right book.

But _this_ was even better- to give it to Byakuya, who just happened to be wearing a garment with dragons and had picked a book involving dragons. "Here, I want you to have this one." he said softly, handing over a detailed sapphire-blue dragon bookmark with a red silk ribbon trailing from its mouth.

Byakuya blinked in surprise as he tentatively accepted the gift. "Really? I can have this?"

Renji nodded and smiled playfully. "Yep, but you can only use it here. Deal?"

The noble shyly returned his smile. "Deal. Thank you, Renji."

He watched as Byakuya gently placed his gift in his page, then carefully placed the book in it's spot. It was so amazing to see new facets of the stoic shinigami, like his playfulness or his reverence for books, and Renji felt like he might just burst from happiness.

He headed to the kitchen, hearing his superior padding after him. As he set up what he'd prepared earlier, Byakuya took his seat at the bar, watching him. "You really like to cook, Renji?"

He nodded as he checked on his occupied stove. "Yeah. Something else about me that was influenced by growing up Rukon."

The Kuchiki heir tilted his head, asking in a gentle tone, "How so?"

Renji shrugged as he prepared their meal. "Well, food ain't always in great supply, and sometimes you eat stuff raw cause you're too damn hungry to bother cooking it, or you ain't got a way to cook it. Might not even be real food, just whatever you can get your hands on. It's pretty shameful to know you've eaten out of the trash. So, when I entered the Academy and had access to good food and an actual kitchen, I learned pretty damn fast that I love preparing and cooking meals, making sure they're really delicious and at least somewhat nutritious. Also, it's not like the Rukon has an expansive menu, so I like variety, and I know how to make things from a bunch of different places in the Living World. But, for tonight, I thought a little more traditional."

With a flourish, he presented a bowl of fluffy, buttery rice covered in bite-size pieces of beef and meaty gravy. Byakuya smiled and accepted the bowl. "Thank you. This looks wonderful." Renji could tell that his companion wanted to say something comforting about his Rukon story, but not knowing what to say, had decided to just accept his words. And Renji was grateful for that.

He handed over a pair of chopsticks and got his own bowl, sitting across from his guest as they started eating. Between bites, they spoke of casual things like work and training and the ever-interesting World of the Living. When they were done, Renji took their dishes to the sink and made 2 cups of tea. "You stayin' the night?"

His guest nodded with a small frown. "Was that not clear?"

Renji shrugged and gave a charming, blush-inducing smile. "I figured you were, but it would've been awfully presumptuous to just assume you wanted to stay the night with me again."

The blushing noble lowered his eyes. "Well, like I said, my home is lo-lonely, and it has a lot of memories. I like it here, and when I'm with you, I... I feel good. I feel... alive."

Slowly, Renji stepped to the older man's side and gently wrapped his arms around the slender body. Byakuya's hands lifted to his chest as the ravenette sighed contentedly and relaxed into his embrace. Renji laid his cheek on the silky black hair, and he just held the one he loved for a while, breathing in that warm, sweet cherry-blossom scent that only belonged to his captain and blooming sakura trees.

After a while, he heard Byakuya mumble against his chest. "Thought you were going to give me a tour."

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya heard and felt the soft laugh that vibrated the bigger Soul Reaper's body. "Aww, but I wanna keep holding you!"  
He smiled as he tilted his head up to meet warm auburn eyes. "What if I promise you can hold me again later?"

The crimsonette kissed the tip of his nose. "You got yourself a deal, baby. C'mon." The younger man pulled away, but caught his hand, interlacing their fingers as he gestured with his free hand. "Living Room and Kitchen!" the redhead announced in a grand fashion, indicating the adjoining rooms.

Byakuya was filled with an urge to giggle. "I know _these_ rooms, you ridiculous man."

Renji grinned and tugged him towards the hallway. "Bathroom." he said as he tapped his finger on the first door. Then he indicated another door. "Washer, dryer, cleaning shit. Oh, and there's a back door off this room, but I never use it."  
A little further, and the Rukon Dog stopped in front of the last door, clearing his throat. "And, um, my bedroom."

Byakuya noticed how abruptly uncertain his partner seemed, as if thinking he should've already ended the tour. He swallowed his own nervousness to whisper, "I'd like to see it."

His lieutenant reached out and opened the door. Byakuya took a small step forward, not realizing just how tightly he was holding his host's hand, or the way deep cinnamon eyes carefully watched him.

He glanced around the tidy, spacious room, noting the large, comfortable-looking bed with a filigree carved headboard. He felt his heart speed up, then he registered discomfort in his hand. He glanced down to see that he had a white-knuckled death grip on Renji's hand.

He looked up, meeting understanding honey eyes. The bigger Soul Reaper spoke gently. "I'm guessin' we ain't sleepin' in here anytime soon. It's alright, baby. I get it, ok?"

Byakuya gave a tiny nod, forcing himself to loosen his grip a bit as he looked back to the room. Ignoring the bed this time, he noticed a dresser with a huge mirror on top. The mirror had several shelves on either side, and each shelf held pictures. Suddenly curious, Byakuya started to step towards the dresser, then paused, glancing at his partner. Renji nodded, smirking at him. "S'alright, I ain't hiding nothing."

Byakuya wandered over to the dresser, looking at the pictures. Some were of the redhead with Rukia, some were of Renji with other friends. One of Renji when he was a child, and one of a very proud-looking Renji holding Zabimaru for the first time. Then one caught his attention. On a shelf by itself was a 3-part hinged frame. The left frame held a picture of Byakuya walking through his private garden, a peaceful look on his face. The right frame held a portrait photo of him and Rukia soon after the adoption.  
The center frame showed a scene he remembered clearly. It was right after Renji had officially become his lieutenant, and the tall Rukon Dog was walking in the proper position behind him as they left the ceremony. The deep, coppery eyes were fixed on the back of his head, and Renji had a small, pleased smile on his face.

Byakuya saw his partner moving closer in the mirror, and turned to face him, ashamed that he'd been so oblivious. "I still can't believe I never noticed how you felt, and I... gods, I've always been so cold and mean to you! I don't understand how you could continue to care about me when I acted like-"

He cut off as Renji's hand came up to lay against his cheek, thumb brushing over his lips as the younger man smiled and spoke softly. " Cause, silly me, I always suspected that under all that coldness was a warm heart. No matter how much of a stuck-up bastard you acted like, I always felt that maybe you were just hiding something deeper to protect yourself. Sometimes, it sounded stupid and naive in my head when I thought that, but turns out I was right."

Byakuya's breath left him in a soft sigh as the warm hand on his cheek drifted down to the side of his neck, fingers tracing his ear and through his hair on the way down. Almost unconsciously, he tilted his head to arch his neck into the gentle touch as his eyes slid halfway closed. It felt so wonderful when his protective companion touched him, making him feel safe.

He saw the way Renji's dark auburn eyes watched him as the powerful body shifted closer. The hand on the side of his neck caressed the vulnerable area, fingertips gently kneading the muscles just below his hair while the thumb stroked his jaw. Slowly, the crimsonette tilted his head forward, and Byakuya fully expected a kiss.

Instead, the soft lips feathered over his forehead and pressed lovingly against his temples as Renji nuzzled into his tied-up hair. He could feel his ponytail coming loose, but he couldn't give less of a damn right now. Reveling in the tender, sensual attention, Byakuya felt his knees weakening, and found his ass resting on the edge of the dresser as Renji pressed even closer to him, slipping between his knees.

Byakuya wrapped his hands tightly around his lieutenant's muscular arms, and he tilted his head up with a soft whimper. Renji understood and met his wordless plea with a growl and a flurry of deep, passionate kisses that were only broken for shaky gulps of air.

Byakuya moaned when the younger man's mouth left his to explore his throat, that strong hand moving to gently wrap around the back of his neck. Trembling as the sensations he had just started learning about yesterday flooded him, Byakuya tilted his head back, submitting as if by instinct.

The warm, wet kisses spread over his offered throat, then moved up to suckle and lightly nibble his earlobe. He shivered at the new sensation, and warm breath washed over his ear in the sweetest laugh of delight. "That's it, my beautiful moon. You like that, baby?"

He nodded with a whimper, and his earlobe was nibbled again before that wonderful mouth trailed down to his shoulder, exposed by his silky yukata. A soft hum vibrated the delicate flesh just above his collarbone. "Hmmm, hey baby? You said that I could leave marks on you as long as nobody else can see them, right?"

Too breathless to answer, Byakuya nodded urgently, gripping those strong arms tighter in anticipation. The fragile skin was nipped playfully, then kissed soothingly as Renji murmured, "This spot is covered all the time in public, by your uniform and scarf."  
Byakuya nodded again, and intense coppery eyes filled with amused curiosity met his. "Ain't ya gonna ask how I'm thinkin' bout marking you?"

Byakuya shook his head, managing to whisper, "Don't care. Trust you."

The bigger Soul Reaper gave him a slow, seductive smile before refocusing on the delicate skin covering his pulse just above his collarbone. A gentle kiss, a playful nip, then Byakuya felt his partner latch on, lips and teeth capturing his flesh and suckling. He shivered, the unusual new sensation sending tingles through his entire body.

He moaned into soft red hair as a gentle hand glided firmly up his spine, coaxing him to arch his back and press closer. "Ahh, Renji... mmm I... I..." Unable to find the words he needed, Byakuya whimpered softly and slid his hands up the strong arms, clasping broad shoulders to pull him and the redhead closer together, then slid his arms around the back of Renji's neck.

A rumbling moan vibrated his throat, and his fiery lieutenant bit and suckled harder, letting him feel those sharp fang-like canines. Byakuya's head dropped back as he gave a deep moan, pleasure sparkling through his blood.

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of the bed, and everything in him came to a violently abrupt halt.

Were they headed there?  
An inner voice born when he was 15 rang in his mind. Being taken _hurt,_ made him bleed and wish he was brave enough to fight, made him pray for salvation or death.  
His mind quickly filled with certainty that if he let Renji take him, it would hurt just as much and give the powerful warrior control over him.

 _'No!'_ Byakuya thought frantically as the already treasured memories of the last 2 days came to him. _'Renji wouldn't hurt me on purpose!'_ The frightened inner voice pointed out that in his current position, trapped on the dresser with the bigger Soul Reaper between his knees, if the Rukon Dog did not wish to stop, he could easily take what he wanted.

Locked in a panicking internal struggle of fear and confusion with a past he'd only recently started to face, Byakuya was frozen.

~X~X~X~X~

Renji knew the moment something went wrong, because several things happened within a heartbeat. Byakuya froze in his arms, fingers digging hard into his back. Reiatsu filled with fear and confusion began flowing around the noble, and a heartbreaking whine was making itself known.

Alarmed, Renji lifted his head, only to see the ravenette staring at his bed like it was a nightmare come to life. "Byakuya?!" There was no response, and he quickly raised his hand to block the view of his bed, turning the older man's face towards himself.

The frightened violet-silver eyes seemed to stare right through him, and other than the now-constant whine, Byakuya didn't appear to be breathing. Trying to fight his own rising panic, Renji raised his voice in a desperate bid for his traumatized partner's attention. "Captain Kuchiki!"

The wide, dark eyes refocused on him, and with a shaky gasp, Byakuya resumed breathing as the fearful whine faded. The still-scared eyes darted around as though lost, and Renji kept his hand where it was, blocking sight of his bed as he began speaking softly. "Shh, shh baby. It's ok. Look at me, focus on me and my voice."

Obediently, the silvery eyes lifted to his, and he smiled reassuringly. "There you go, good. Easy now. I ain't gonna hurt you, and I hope some part of you knows that even now."

An almost imperceptible nod answered him, though there was still an unsettling amount of alarm and nervousness in the confused amethyst eyes. Relieved that the smaller Soul Reaper was at least back from whatever terrible place his mind had taken him, Renji continued speaking in a soft, calm tone. "You're ok, baby. I promise you're safe. Look, both of us still have all our clothes on. We were just making out, that's all. That don't mean we have to do anything else."

He saw the deep liquid-steel eyes flick nervously before meeting his again, and the noble spoke in a broken whisper. "But... you ex-expect things from me. Things that hu-hurt."

Horrified that, on some level, Byakuya might actually believe that, Renji shook his head. "No, no, shh. I don't expect anything from you, Byakuya, not a damn thing, and I'm sorry if I ever made you think that. Even stuff that's already happened, like... what you did for me in the shower? I don't just expect you to do that again unless _you_ want to. I'd never, _ever_ make you do something you're uncomfortable with, much less scared of. That definitely includes going all the way; that's not happening unless _you_ decide on your own that you'd like to try. I ain't tryin' to rush you, baby. Hell, even if the only intimate stuff in our entire relationship consists of making out and _maybe_ you letting me doing stuff for you like give you head, I'd still be happy as shit cause I'd have you in my life. I love you with all my heart, Byakuya, and **not** cause I think I can fuck you. Now, have _ I _made _myself_ clear, Taicho?"

A small nod answered him, and he was vastly relieved to notice how the chrome eyes and spiritual energy had calmed. "Good. You wanna leave this room? I'll make you some tea." Another tiny nod, and he backed up a step, coaxing the ravenette to slip off his dresser. As Byakuya's feet touched the floor, his legs started shaking.

Renji gently wrapped his free arm around the slender waist, keeping his other hand by his partner's face like a blinder on a horse to keep him from seeing the bed again. Holding the trusting silvery gaze, he guided them out of the bedroom, where, admittedly, he'd just had one of the best make-out sessions of his life, followed by one of the scariest moments of that same life.

Renji had seen rape victims fall into depression and madness, driven into insanity and near-comatose states by the trauma they'd endured. For a moment, a heart-stopping moment, he'd thought the man he loved had... he shook his head as he closed his bedroom door firmly, and escorted his quiet guest back down the hallway.

Byakuya was too strong to let his past drag him that far down, but still, that had been waaay too close.

They reached the couch in the front room, and the ravenette hadn't said a word since saying Renji expected things from him. Carefully, he sat the noble down and was about to go get some warm tea, only to be stopped by a hand touching his wrist.

He slowly sat at his guest's side, leaving a few inches between them. He ran his eyes over Byakuya worriedly, seeing that the disheveled captain was gazing at the floor. Uncomfortable with the silence and inaction, he whispered, "Hey, umm... I kinda messed up your hair. Want me to fix it?"

He received a slow nod, and he got a brush off the end-table. He gently slipped the tie out of the black, silky strands and began brushing. He took his time tenderly grooming his partner's midnight mane until there wasn't a hair out of place, then carefully retied the ponytail.

Renji shifted back to where he could see the older man's face, shocked to see tears brimming in the amethyst eyes. "Byakuya? Did I hurt you? I was trying to be careful-"

He cut off as the teary, shame-filled eyes lifted to his and his superior finally spoke. "I'm so sorry, Renji! I didn't mean to... I just... gods, do you have any idea how pathetic I feel right now? I'm so sorry... I feel like I led you on in there and I want so badly to tell you I'm ok and that you don't have to treat me as if... as if I'll literally break, but damned if that's not exactly how I feel right now, like I'm a deep breath away from falling apart! I just freaked out and ruined the mood, and I'm so sorry, and I have no idea how to convince you that I know you wouldn't hurt me, cause I really _do_ know that, I swear!"

Instinctively trying to reassure the noble, Renji unconsciously let his spiritual energy fan out to surround them, full of his deepest, most caring and protective feelings for the smaller Soul Reaper. "Shh, it's alright. Don't apologize, baby; that was my fault. You didn't do anything wrong. I shouldn't have started that, not after how nervous you got when we first went in there."

Seeing that the older man was listening to him, he took a deep breath and continued. "And while you may _know_ I wouldn't force you or hurt you, there is a part of you that thinks it's possible that I would. Anyone who's been through that shit has a... a sort of a little voice that pops up if they're in a situation that has any chance of resulting in them getting hurt again. Everyone reacts differently to that voice- yours apparently makes you freeze up till you're paralyzed, and that might be because he threatened to hurt you if you struggled. Mine... well, my inner voice made me aggressive and violent when I was trying to move on. If I thought I could get hurt again, my reaction was to fight. And just like yours, I couldn't stop it."

Renji saw Byakuya looking up at him with shy curosity, and he tilted his head as he asked gently, "Does it help to hear about me?"

The noble nodded hesitantly. "A little. Is... is that wrong of me?"

Renji shook his head, understanding the reason. "No, baby. That's not a bad thing. Hearing bout someone else reassures you that you're not alone. Besides, you told me what happened to you, and I've seen your reactions up close and personal, but I ain't really told you about me. I think one difference may lie in the fact that you'd never told anyone, while I have a few people- friends that know, and share, my story."

The older man looked confused, so Renji elaborated. "Just about anyone you know that grew up Rukon... there's a good chance they had at _least_ one similar experience."

x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Bya; he is doing well in general as far as moving on, but it's not that easy to escape a past like that. And yep, it's Renji's turn to share.


	9. Renji's Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this one: ***References to past abuse*** Dirty talk, naughty behavior and sexual acts YAY!

x  
Previously, on 'Healing the Moon':  
 _((The older man looked confused, so Renji elaborated. "Just about anyone you know that grew up Rukon... there's a good chance they had at_ least _one similar experience."))_  
x

Byakuya felt his eyes widen at the words his lieutenant spoke. The younger man appeared calm, but he could sense an undercurrent of pain. His companion spoke again, voice hardening. "Not Rukia, though. It was my job to protect her, so if someone seemed interested in her, I... distracted them. No matter what I went through, even if it was the same day or the same hour, I'd take anything intended for her." Fierce auburn eyes met his. "She does not know any of this, Byakuya."

Hearing what had not been said, Byakuya shook his head, whispering, "I won't tell. Your story is safe with me, as mine is with you."

The crimsonette gave a short nod. "Sometimes, it was forced, other times it'd be a way of getting food. Like, there was this guy that sold bread and vegetables at the docks. If you went to him in the evenings and let him do whatever he wanted for an hour or so, he'd give you some of the stuff he hadn't sold that day. Sometimes, it was a punishment if you got caught stealing from a street vendor, or as payment for medical treatment, but nobody was nice about it."

Byakuya saw the dark amber eyes slide away from his as his partner continued in a whisper. "There are a lot of people out in Hanging Dog and the other districts. Honestly, I've lost count of how many times... how many people... and it was over the course of about 3 years. From 13 to 16... by the time I was 17, I was big and strong enough to fuck up anyone who came near me or Rukia."

Horrified by the thought of his wonderful, kind-hearted Renji being treated like that, Byakuya was unable to stop the furious flare of spiritual pressure he released, raging against these unknown assailants who had dared to defile the Rukon Dog.

He was surprised when his subordinate flinched away from him and his angry reiatsu. "Fuck! Calm down, Taicho! That don't feel good, you know!"

Mortified that he'd just lost control like that, and that his innocent partner had been on the receiving end of his pissed-off energy, Byakuya quickly reined in his reiatsu. "I'm sorry, Re-"

The younger man waved an unsteady hand at him, trying to smile even as sweatdrops appeared on his face. "It's alright, baby. Sorry I yelled. When you're mad, your spiritual pressure hurts. But, it does kinda feel nice that you'd get that mad over what happened to me. Even in our fights, I don't think I've ever felt you quite so... furious."

Byakuya lowered his eyes and took a deep breath. "I know what you mean by it feeling nice that I got angry. Yesterday, it was comforting to sense the rage you felt over me getting hurt."

He heard Renji reply softly. "Then I'm glad I comforted you. You want some tea now?"  
He nodded, and his companion got up to get it. He glanced up when his host returned with the tea. Renji sat down and spoke quietly. "What I went through... I don't really have a specific story like you do, cause my situations kept changing. But I'll tell you whatever you wanna know, and since we started this conversation cause of reactions, I can tell you more about mine if you want."

Byakuya tilted his head, speaking gently. "Only if you're ok with telling me. It helps to know I'm not alone, but I do not want you to tell me if it will upset you."

The crimsonette shook his head, his tone calmer than before. "I'm fine, baby. The first several times I tried to willingly bottom, that voice would pop up as soon as things started getting intense. It said I'd get hurt, and that the person I was with just wanted power over me."

Byakuya felt his eyes widen at these words; their reactions might be different, but Renji really did understand about the voice. The younger man seemed to notice, and he asked softly, "Is that what your voice tells you, baby?"

He nodded slowly. "I tried telling it you wouldn't hurt me, but..." he lowered his eyes and breathed, "But then it pointed out the position I was in, and that if you didn't want to stop, it'd be easy for you to take what you wanted."

He heard Renji whisper, "Oh, Byakuya. No wonder you freaked out so badly. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have started that."

Byakuya shook his head, offering his partner a small smile. "I helped you start it. And honestly, I was really enjoying it until I noticed the bed and wondered if... if we were headed there."

The bigger Soul Reaper shook his head. "Not that I know of. I wasn't aiming for that; I was having the time of my life just making out with you, baby, tasting you and hearing the sounds you were making for me while you held onto me so tightly."

Byakuya blushed, even as his heart pounded at the warm, awed way Renji spoke of the little intimacy they'd achieved before his freak-out.

The crimsonette tilted his head, gazing at him. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you like when I talk like that. Your energy does such a fascinating fluttery thing whenever I talk about naughty stuff involving us."

Byakuya felt his blush deepening until it felt as if he had his face in a hot spring, and he couldn't reply. The redhead looked thoughtful for a moment, then murmured, "You know, I really loved those sexy little moans you were making just for me while I was leaving that mark on you."

Byakuya felt his breathing become shaky at his partner's low, seductive tone and suggestive words, and the memory of how good that had felt, and he lifted his fingertips to the spot his lieutenant had been focused on, just above his collarbone. The skin was super-sensitive, and he tried tilting his head to see it.

Suddenly, a grinning Renji had caught his other hand and was tugging him up off the couch. "C'mon, there's a mirror in the bathroom." Byakuya found himself smiling as he allowed Renji to pull him to the bathroom. He stepped in front of the mirror and looked at his reflection.

There, just above his collarbone and a few inches over from his neck, was a dark red mark about the size of a thumbprint. He traced it with a finger, noticing that it was almost painfully sensitive. He realized the Rukon Dog had paused in the doorway, biting a thumbnail and watching him warily. Byakuya asked softly, "Are you ok?"

The younger man shrugged, replying in a cautious tone. "I _just_ realized you might not like it and be mad at me for doing that to you."

Byakuya smiled and shook his head as he returned his eyes to the mirror to admire the mark of passion. "No, I like it. Though, will it stay this sensitive?"

Renji moved to stand behind him, meeting his eyes in the mirror. "Nah, that'll stop soon, couple hours or so. But the hickey itself should last a few days."

Byakuya wrinkled his nose at the funny-sounding name, and Renji chuckled warmly. "You're so adorable. It's also called a lovebite, baby. You like that name better?"

He nodded, and the bigger Soul Reaper stepped closer behind him, strong arms tentatively sliding around his waist. The auburn eyes watched him in the mirror, gauging his reaction. Byakuya leaned against the solid chest, pulling the arms tighter around himself and interlacing their fingers as he smiled at his partner's reflection.

~X~X~X~X~

Renji gave a soul-deep sigh of relief when the noble welcomed his embrace, and he lowered his head to carefully rest his chin on a slender shoulder. He couldn't help staring at their reflection, loving the sight of them together, especially since Byakuya seemed perfectly content to stand here with him, too.

A thought occurred to him, and he whispered, "Did... did you still wanna stay the night?"

The smaller Soul Reaper frowned. "Why wouldn't I?"

Renji felt himself blushing, and tucked his warm face against his partner's neck as he mumbled, "Cause of what happened earlier. I didn't know if you'd still wanna..."

He trailed off as he felt a hand touch his hair and heard the gentle reply. "Oh, I see. It's alright, Renji. And yes, I still want to stay here tonight, with you."

Renji peeked at the mirror to meet his superior's platinum eyes. "I'm really glad you do. And I'll still tell you anything you wanna know 'bout me. I wanna show you my plan for tonight's sleepin' arrangements first. That ok?"

The ravenette nodded, smiling at their reflection. "That sounds good. It's not real late yet; we could get comfortable and talk some more."

Renji grinned and nuzzled under the older man's ear, getting a shy shiver in response. "Hai, Taicho. I like talkin' with ya cause you have a beautiful voice and way of speaking, and everything you think and say is really important to me."

He smiled at the blush on his captain's cheeks as he straightened up and tugged on the pale hands. "C'mon! I hope you like my idea." He took Byakuya to the front room and had him sit on the couch they'd slept on last night, putting his feet up. Then he scooted his other couch to push the furniture together. Face-to-face, the equally sized couches made a sort of nest, the backs and armrests making the walls.

With a grin, he vaulted over the back to sit in the couch-nest, arranging their pillows at one end against the armrests. Byakuya looked surprised, but intrigued by the setup. "Interesting; it's just like a giant nest!"

Renji nodded excitedly. "Exactly! See, my little _lovebird_ , I was thinking that this'll give us more room to move in our sleep, and it'll be great for other stuff, too."

A fine black brow rose as his guest asked in a pretend-suspicious voice, "Oh? And just what 'other stuff' are you planning, Abarai?"

Renji grinned as he sprang out of the nest and retrieved the book Byakuya had been reading earlier. He handed it to the surprised-looking noble. "Here you go. Now, get comfy, like a comfy position you like to read in."

The ravenette obeyed, quickly finding a spot he liked. Reclined against the pillows in one corner with his legs stretched out, his superior looked up at him expectantly.

Renji crawled back into the nest and scooted close to the smaller Soul Reaper's side. "Earlier, you promised I could hold you again."

Byakuya tilted his head. "I did. Do you want to enact that promise now?"

Renji nodded, shifting closer until he could lay his head on his partner's shoulder. He stretched his body out alongside the noble's, gently wrapping his arm around a slender waist. It felt so good, so right, to be snuggled up to his powerful, graceful moon, and he sighed happily.

"Thank you, Byakuya."

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya was touched by how incredibly happy Renji seemed, just by being able to hold him. He glanced at the book he held before setting it down, opting to run his fingers through the silky red mane parked on his shoulder. A pleased hum rewarded him as the arm around his waist tightened just a little. After a moment, the crimsonette spoke softly. "You could go ahead and read if you want, Taicho. That's a really good one."

Byakuya continued caressing the soft, fiery hair as he replied. "I could, but I find I'd rather pay attention to you. Besides, you said we could talk, and trust me, I can not talk and read at the same time."

The younger man gave a soft laugh. "Me neither. Listening and reading is hard, too. So whattcha wanna talk about?"

Byakuya shrugged innocently. "Oh, lots of things. For starters, how about you tell me if Lieutenant Hisagi is one of your friends that finds me attractive?"

Surprised auburn eyes rose to his, and he smirked. "Honestly, did you think I'd never noticed that flirtatious tone of his? He is very subtle, that man, but not subtle enough. I simply hadn't taken much notice before."

His partner nodded. "Yeah. Shuu likes you, but you ain't gotta worry 'bout him tryin' anything mean. Most Rukon survivors would never force themselves on someone, cause they know just how awful it is. A silver lining, I guess; it's a lot easier to move on with someone who's been through the same thing cause they tend to be really patient and understanding."

Byakuya shifted so he was on his side facing the bigger Soul Reaper, playing with the ends of the long, blood-red hair as he whispered, "So, Shuuhei has been... well, I guess that would be his story. I... I thought for so long that I was alone in what I went through. Not only am I not alone, but apparently, it happens a lot, which is a very sad thing."

The arm around his waist tightened a bit as his host shrugged. "Yeah, but we get through. We just gotta deal with reactions. Shuu actually used to react like you- he'd freeze up when he tried to bottom. And I... when I tried to bottom to him the first time, I punched him right in the face without even meaning to."

Byakuya felt his eyes widen. "Really? What did he do after that?"

The redhead smiled. "Laid down with me and rubbed my hair and back for a long time while telling me it was ok, I hadn't done anything wrong, and that he understood."

Byakuya asked softly, "Like you do for me?"

Renji nodded in agreement. "Yep. Anyways, he likes you, but like a lot of people who don't know the real you, he's kinda scared of you."

Byakuya sighed. "That is never the impression I wanted to give. Not to comrades, anyway. I want respect, not fear. But I am not... I don't... " He sighed again, unable to find the right words.

Renji asked gently, "You don't have enough confidence in your social skills to change how people see you?"  
He nodded, and the crimsonette smiled reassuringly. "That's ok, baby. People really only get to see you at work or when you're fighting. Maybe we can find a social situation you'd be comfy in? Tomorrow's Friday, and you know Rangiku will invite you to come out with us. Maybe this time, you don't say no?"

Byakuya murmured, "I'll have to think about it. It has been a long time since I've gone out socially."

His partner nodded in understanding. "Fair enough." The hand on his back began gently rubbing as Renji asked softly, "What else did you wanna talk about?"

Byakuya hesitated, blushing as he wondered the same thing he'd been wondering since sometime yesterday. The younger man tilted his head. "Something embarrassing?" He gave a tiny nod and lowered his eyes.

He wanted to know what kind of lover his lieutenant was, how he would treat him. His experience was limited and tragic, so he didn't really know what it was supposed to be like. If he could get past his fear and get that far, Byakuya wanted to know what to expect from the bigger Soul Reaper. He was also insanely curious.  
"I was wondering... how do you... um... what are you...?" He trailed off, completely unsure of how to phrase his question, and horribly insecure about the answer he'd get even if he _did_ manage to get the question out.

After a moment, he heard Renji's voice. "Byakuya?" He lifted his gaze to meet warm honey eyes, and the Rukon Dog spoke carefully. "I might be totally wrong, but is it possible you were trying to ask what I'm like in bed?"

Byakuya knew his face had to rival his companion's hair right now, and he struggled not to lower his eyes as he gave a shaky nod. Renji smiled reassuringly, still rubbing his back. "Thought so; your riatsu was getting all fluttery again. I understand you're embarrassed, baby, and that's ok. I also get why you wanna know this, so just let me know if you actually get uncomfortable, and I'll stop, ok?"

When he nodded, the redhead began speaking in a gentle tone. "Well, first of all, I'm pretty sure I've mostly been giving off a dominant vibe the last couple days, yeah? But you oughtta know, I like being submissive just as much. It has to be with someone I trust, though, or I'll freak out and someone's getting hurt. But I've made a lot of progress since leaving the Rukon, so as long as I really trust the person I'm with, I'm a damn good submissive and I enjoy it."

Byakuya could feel how hard his heart was beating as he asked in a whisper, "Why do you think I need to know that?"

The bigger Soul Reaper smiled charmingly at him. "So you know you always have the option of being dominant. You ever wanna give that a try, you got yourself one _ridiculously_ willing bitch right here. I trust you, and I'd be happy to submit to you, Taicho."

~X~X~X~X~

Renji chuckled softly at the expression of stunned disbelief that his captain now wore. "Oh, baby! You oughtta see your face! Yeah, I've had lots of fantasies about 'us' over the years, and they don't always revolve around me taking you, oh no. A lot of them revolve around the complete reverse."

His superior was blushing deeply, but holding his gaze as he whispered, "I don't know how well I'd do at that."

Renji leaned close to kiss a red cheek. "That's ok. I didn't say we should try right now; just information for the future. And if you do ever wanna try, I'll help you through it."

He felt a slender hand slip into his as Byakuya replied softly, "Ok. I'll hold you to that."

Renji smiled and gently squeezed the hand. "As for what I'm actually like, guess it depends on the mood. See, I'm really good at being gentle and tender. I like being sensual and taking care of my partner when I'm dominant. And I like being treated that way when I'm submissive, too. But sometimes the mood is different and it's more fun to do something else..."

He trailed off, suddenly unsure if he should tell the noble just what kinda stuff he was into when the mood was right. Byakuya was gazing at him curiously, head tilted. "In the shower, you said that I've gotten myself someone who likes 'rough shit'. Is that where you're going with this?"

He nodded slowly, lowering his eyes to their joined hands. Using his thumb, he caressed the back of the older man's hand, speaking quietly. "When I'm in a certain mood, and my partner is, too, I like things I don't really think you'd understand. I'm not sure you'd understand how someone could get pleasure from being treated a certain way, or... or..."

He heard Byakuya's voice, coaxing him to continue. "Or what, Renji?"

Renji took a deep breath. "Or how someone could want to do certain things to someone they care about. I don't just like being treated roughly, I... I like _giving_ that kinda treatment, too."

Once again, he heard his moon's voice, soft and wonderfully accepting. "Alright. So, when this mood strikes, what kind of 'certain things' do you like doing or having done to you?"

Renji glanced up to meet warm steel-violet eyes that were full of curiosity as he whispered, "Being tied up is one. If I know I ain't getting hurt, I like the feeling, and it shows some serious trust to give up control like that. And... basically, anything I like having done to me as a submissive, I like doing as a dominant, and vice-versa."

The Kuchiki heir was watching him with wide silvery eyes, and Renji searched for any sign that he was making his guest uncomfortable. Byakuya seemed surprised by the information he was getting, but otherwise calm, with no judgement or disgust in sight. "So, if you're partner's ok with it, you like to tie them up if you're in the right mood? I think I see; you'd have all the control, and it would show that your partner trusts you completely."

Renji nodded, relieved and pleased by how well the ravenette was taking this. "Plus, if you can't really move or participate, you feel the pleasure more intensely."

His superior nodded in understanding. "Like when you don't feel injuries until you stop fighting? Once you become still is when you feel the pain."

Renji smiled at the analogy. "Exactly, except it feels good."

Byakuya smiled back, blushing lightly. "And yesterday, you said that sometimes, you like having your hair pulled."

He grinned at the reminder. "Yeah, but it sorta has to be done a certain way, cause I don't want it pulled out. Not yanking or jerking. A steady pressure is best, maybe with a little tug."  
He shivered at the thought, seeing his partner's surprise as the noble tilted his head.  
"And how do you achieve this steady pressure?"

Renji shrugged, gesturing with his hand. "You slide your hand into the hair, close to the scalp, and make a fist. You wanna make sure to get as much hair as possible so the pressure is spread out; it really sucks to only have a tiny section pulled cause that actually hurts. Simply making the fist will work, or you can pull a little. Oh, and when you've got their hair like that, it's easy to direct their head, and if you can direct the head, you can direct the body. A ponytail or braid works, too, cause you got most of their hair right there."

As the words left his mouth, he realized Byakuya's hair was still in its high ponytail, and he felt his cheeks warming. His captain raised his eyebrows. "You, know, Renji, I believe I just read your mind."

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya watched as his blushing lieutenant grinned at him. "Oh yeah? And what, praytell, was I thinkin'?"

Pretending to contemplate the redhead, he murmured, "You were wondering if I might let you give a demonstration of your hair-pulling prowess."

The bigger Soul Reaper chuckled. "Something like that."

Byakuya smiled as he said quietly, "Ok."

Renji stopped laughing as his auburn eyes widened. "Huh?"

He shrugged, speaking softly. "Well, nothing you said indicates that it actually hurts, and you seem awfully excited about this particular subject. Also, I trust that if I don't like it, you'll stop."

The crimsonette gave an excited nod as he shifted closer. "Of course I would. You really gonna let me do this?" He nodded, and that seductive smile crossed his partner's face. "You're awesome, baby. One thing- don't resist it, cause that'll make it pull harder than I mean to, k?"

Byakuya breathed, "Ok." Then the younger man was kissing him tenderly, and he felt a hand wrap around the base of his ponytail. There was a gentle pressure on his scalp that sent surprising tingles through him, and he allowed the light pull to tilted his head a couple of inches so Renji could deepen the kiss.

Now the light pressure held his head still as their exchange became hotter and more passionate. Byakuya realized this felt good; no wonder his partner had said he liked having his hair pulled! He moaned into the kiss, and felt the grip on his hair tighten a bit as Renji growled in response.

Then the kiss was broken, and Byakuya panted softly as his companion gazed at him, still holding his hair in a firm, but gentle grip. "You're doin' great, Taicho. You wouldn't believe how proud I am of you right now. Can I keep going?" Unsure if nodding would be wise while his hair was captured, Byakuya whimpered and pulled on his companion's yukata, which his hands had somehow become fisted in.

He registered the look in the dark honey eyes- even now, Renji was on the alert for any negative reactions from him, ready to stop if he gave any indication he didn't like this.

He tugged on the yukata again, and felt the fist at the back of his head wrapping itself in his ponytail as the Rukon Dog shifted closer. The gentle pressure increased, coaxing him to tilt his head further, and Byakuya didn't resist it, giving a soft moan as his neck was exposed. Gods, there was just something about this that felt so good, and so naughty at the same time.

Warm kisses were feathered along his throat to the spot below his ear, then the lobe was tenderly nipped. He moaned at the return of that pleasurable sensation, squirming to get closer to his partner. "Ahh, Re-Renjiii."

A low growl washed over his ear, making him shiver. "Gods, baby, my name sounds so fuckin' good on your lips."

Byakuya's head was still secured by one hand, and he felt the other spread over his lower back, pulling him close. He gasped as his own aching body encountered another, and the redhead breathed into his ear, "This is what you do to me, baby. Turn me on till I can't even _think_ straight, and if I knew you'd be ok, I'd bury myself in that perfect ass and make love to you until my name was the _only_ thing you'd remember."

Byakuya whimpered at the sexy words, tentatively grinding against the bigger Soul Reaper. A moan of satisfaction and approval rewarded him. "Yeah, that's it, baby. I thought so; you like dirty talk. That's perfect."

The hand on his lower back slid down to his ass, kneading for a moment before catching his thigh and encouraging him to hook his leg over his partner's lean hips. He obeyed, instantly noticing how the change in position made their bodies press together more firmly. Renji sighed happily against his ear, nuzzling him. "Tell me, baby. Admit you like when I talk dirty to you."

Byakuya moaned at the soft command, shifting his hips to get more friction between them. "I do. I like when you tell me what you wanna do to me. The words you use and the way you say them... please keep talking to me, Renji."

~X~X~X~X~

Renji was in heaven as he held the smaller Soul Reaper close, a slender leg hooked over his hips. Byakuya was so responsive when he wasn't nervous, even seemed eager for his attention. And he liked naughty talk! Renji purred into the delicate shell of his partner's ear, "I could make you _scream_ in pleasure, baby, make you feel so damn amazing, and I'd watch that ecstasy fill your lovely eyes as you cum just for me."

He gave a deep moan as he rocked their bodies together harder. "That perfect ass of yours would tighten on me as you cry out my name. I wouldn't be able to hold back after that, you know. Seeing that pleasure wash over you, and knowing that _I_ was the one to make you feel so good, I'd cum so hard, lose myself deep inside you, every drop just for my brave, beautiful Byakuya."

Still holding the noble's hair with one hand, he slid the other between their bodies as he lifted his head to meet the amethyst eyes darkened with desire. The older man was panting and moaning, obviously enjoying what they were doing. The lithe body jolted when Renji's questing fingers found and captured the impressive cock already slicked with precum.

Byakuya whimpered at him, holding onto the front of his yukata so tightly, it'd surely rip at any moment. "Ren.. ahh, Ren-jiii! Please ahh oh gods, Renjiii!" His partner began urgently thrusting against his hand, his desperate need to cum obvious.

Smoothly, Renji slid the edge of his hakamas down, allowing his own aching, precum-soaked length to spring free. He wrapped his hand around both, pressing their bare, slick cocks together and stroking them as he watched for Byakuya's reaction.  
It might've been a bold move to pull with his once-abused moon without asking first, but it paid off beautifully. Deep liquid-steel eyes fluttered almost closed as his superior arched into the attention, whimpering in pleasure. "Ohhhh _fuck_ , Renji."

He growled at the ravenette as he stroked them harder. "Don't you dare close your eyes, baby. I wanna see them when you cum for me." Obediently, the dark eyes fluttered back open to focus on his, and Renji nodded in approval. "Good. From now on, your orgasms belong to _me ,_ Byakuya Kuchiki."

He kissed the noble deeply, watching the hazy violet-chrome eyes as he sped up his strokes. The smaller Soul Reaper cried out into the kiss, silvery eyes rolling back as Renji felt a hot eruption between their stomachs. He broke the kiss so Byakuya could breathe, holding the dark eyes as his own release slammed into him. Once again, it was the fact that he'd made his beautiful, powerful captain cum that sent him over the edge, and he moaned as he came, still stroking both of them.

Once he was sure he'd drained every drop from his trembling companion and himself, he reached for the soft, partially damp cloth he'd planted earlier. Renji hadn't assumed anything would happen, but he'd wanted to be prepared, just in case. Quick, gentle, and discreet, he cleaned up his guest, himself, and the couch, all while softly praising his partner on how well he'd done. "So proud of you, baby."

Once they were clean, Renji fixed their hakamas and shifted close to gently embrace his companion. He smiled when Byakuya instantly melted into his arms, relaxing against him as though it came naturally. He tilted his head to nuzzle the slender neck, breathing, "I love you, Byakuya. Thank you for that. Feels like you're relaxin', but I can't see your face, so would you mind saying something so I know you're ok?"

Content, satisfied platinum eyes met his. "I'm good, my sweet Renji. That was... new, but I liked it. Thank you."

Renji smiled at the smaller Soul Reaper snuggled against him. "I like when you call me yours, baby. So everything's good, yeah? I didn't pull your hair too hard or go too far talking dirty?"

Pale cheeks turned pink as the noble shook his head. "No, you... you did wonderfully. As far as dirty talk... Renji, is it strange that I like that when I can't actually _do_ those things yet?"

Renji shook his head, smiling reassuringly. "No, baby, that ain't strange at all. See, talking about naughty stuff can get your mind, and therefore your body, going, but without making you feel like you might be in danger."

Byakuya shyly returned his smile. "In that case, do you want to tell me what else you're 'into'?"

He chuckled as he smoothed stray hairs out of his captain's face. "Alright. The tying up is the one I was most worried about your reaction to. I like other rough stuff, though. Let's see... biting, scratching, spanking, maybe sometimes blindfolding, that about covers the rest of the kinkier stuff I like. I'm seriously looking forward to you scratching my back all to hell one day."

The older man blushed. "Do you often think of rough stuff when you think of us?"

Renji shrugged. "Used to, before I knew what you'd been through. The other stuff ain't quite so bad, but I haven't thought about tying you up since you told me your story."

The ravenette tilted his head, a look of acceptance in his dark violet-steel eyes. "But you had thought about it before?"

Renji nodded, knowing Byakuya would prefer honesty. "Yeah. For example, that scarf of yours has been a big part of a lot of my fantasies, whether it's me tying you up, or you tying me up. It's soft and really long; bet it'd be perfect for some bondage. But once you told me what happened to you... even though you didn't say nothing about him restraining you, it still don't feel right to think about tying you up anymore."

He was surprised when his partner leaned up to kiss his cheek. "You really do worry about me."

Renji nodded. "I do worry about you, Byakuya, all the time. That's what happens when you love someone- you worry 'bout them and want them to be happy."

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya felt his heart pounding at Renji's words. He knew he couldn't say certain words himself; they seemed to stick in his throat, and refused to be said. But he knew how he did feel, and if he was honest, he'd felt this for quite some time, even before they'd started their still-new relationship.

He whispered, "I... I worry about you. When you leave on missions, I worry about you and get very little work done, and when you come back safe, I am relieved. And I want you to be happy. I... I have always liked seeing you smile, and your reiatsu is so vibrant when you are happy."

Byakuya paused guiltily, knowing that those were not quite the words Renji wanted to hear. "I... I imagine it hurts that I don't say it back, but.. I.. I can't.. I'm sorry, Ren-"

Soft lips touched his, cutting off his apology as his partner breathed, "Don't, baby. What you are able to say is more than enough." The strong arms tightened around him, holding him in a world of warmth and safety as the younger man kissed him tenderly.

They parted, and Byakuya gazed at the warm auburn eyes as a hand came up to his head, fingers gently tracing his face. The affectionate action made him feel so warm and tingly, and he sighed contentedly. The crimsonette smiled at him, asking softly, "Did you have anything else you wanted to talk about before going to sleep?"

Byakuya blushed when a final question came up, one he'd been curious about since this afternoon, and he asked shyly, "In the office earlier, what... what were you thinking about that was so distracting?"

The bigger Soul Reaper grinned, a sheepish look on the strong features. "Well, there's a bedtime story. I was fantasizing about us, which I actually do a lot, but today's was more... _vivid_ , cause now I know what you look like and the sounds you make when pleasure consumes you."

Byakuya felt his blush deepening, but he held the dark amber eyes, his curiosity outweighing his shyness. "Would you tell me about it?"

The redhead seemed surprised, but extremely pleased by his interest. "Really? You sure?"

He nodded, and his partner spoke softly. "Ok, baby. Well, it'd be in the future- I've earned every bit of your trust, and we've already gone all the way. We'd be at the office, but not too busy. I totally stalk you, creeping over to your desk without you noticing cause of the paperwork you're focused on. I start whispering in your ear, naughty stuff I want us to do together. Of course, you protest at first, fussing at me about behaving in the office. Mmm, but I am quite persistent, baby, and don't think I'm being cocky, but I'm becoming confident that as long as you're not refusing for a _real_ serious reason, I'd be able to change your mind. A few of those amazing kisses, and some attention here..."

Byakuya felt a finger trace from just behind his earlobe down to his collarbone, and he shivered, already enraptured by his subordinate's fantasy. "Wha-what then?" he whispered, and Renji gave him a sweetly seductive smile, obviously happy that he was being allowed to share.

"I get you all worked up, nice and frisky. I can feel you trembling, baby, but it's ok, I promise I'll take care of you. I undress you slowly, admiring how lovely you are from head to toe, then I remove my own clothes while you watch. I guide you to bend over your desk. Your skin looks so pretty against the dark wood, and you've got your arms over your head to hold onto the front edge of the desk. You're stretched out, that gorgeous ass on display for me... and I bet you still don't have any idea how perfect you are. I don't rush getting to the 'main event', cause I don't wanna end this too fast. So I use my hands and mouth on you, caressing and stroking and kissing and licking you so good, and I can feel you quiver at my attention while I prepare you. Gods, it feels so damn good when you respond to me! Then you beg-"

The younger man abruptly cut off, looking nervous and ashamed. Byakuya realized he was panting softly as he nudged his companion, encouraging him to continue. "I value honesty, Renji. Keep going. I beg you?"

The crimsonette nodded, whispering, "Yeah. You beg me to stop teasing you, and I'd never refuse my moon anything, so I move close and slowly press myself in. It doesn't hurt at all, cause we've been doing it for a while, and I always prepare you real well. I lean over you, sheltering your body with mine as I begin moving. I go slow at first, savoring the sweet little sounds of pleasure you make. Ohh, but then my Taicho starts to get impatient- you push back against me and demand I fuck you like I mean it, and I'd obey you so fast-"

When his partner stopped, Byakuya could've screamed. "What then?"

The Rukon Dog made a face at him. "Then is when I heard _'For the love of the gods, Lieutenant Abarai!'._ I snapped out of that fantasy so fast, I almost fell out of my chair."

~X~X~X~X~

Renji saw the mortification that spread over his lovely captain's fine features, and he smirked playfully. "Ahh, relax, Taicho. Like you said, it was distracting since we were in the office."

The noble shook his head, whispering, "But, I wanted to hear more."

Renji chuckled softly. "Well, it's not like that's the only fantasy I've had about us, baby. Plenty more where that came from, and I'll tell you whatever ones you wanna hear some other time. It's sleepytime now."

Without even bothering to check the time, his guest simply nodded in agreement with his decision. Renji climbed out of the couch-nest to turn off the lights. As he came back, he saw his beautiful superior laying in the moonight streaming in through the window, pale skin glowing and silvered eyes watching him expectantly, waiting for him to come to bed.

Renji felt peaceful joy spread through him. Gods, he loved this man so much! He could barely believe that the last couple of days and nights had been real, and that Byakuya Kuchiki was his. He crawled back into the nest, keeping his eyes on his partner as he slipped his yukata off and laid close to the ravenette.

Byakuya spoke softly. "I like when you look at me like that."  
He asked, "Like what?"

The noble smiled, whispering, "Like you think I'll disappear if you look away. It makes me feel cherished when you look at me like that, but I'm not going anywhere. I will not disappear on you, my Renji."

He felt his chest tightening. "Promise?" he breathed as his hand found and caught itself a slender friend.

Byakuya continued to smile at him, gently squeezing his hand. "I promise."

Soothed in a way he hadn't realized he needed, Renji leaned close for a sweet, chaste kiss. "Good night, Byakuya. And thank you."

The older man snuggled close. "You're welcome, Renji. Good night."

Renji closed his eyes with a content sigh, starting to drift off as the sound of their breathing deepened in the silence. After a few moments, in that place between awake and asleep, Renji felt Byakuya shift in his arms as though uncomfortable, and he loosened his hold. To his surprise, the dozing heir didn't actually pull away, just rolled in place so his back was firmly against Renji's chest, then began feeling around for his arm.

With a sleepy grin, he slipped his arm around the slender waist, and his guest instantly settled. He shifted to spoon the smaller Soul Reaper, carefully curling up around his warm sakura blossom.

Renji placed a tender kiss on the back of his companion's head, breathing "I love you." He didn't see the small smile on his sleeping captain's face as darkness claimed him.

Something else he didn't see?  
The nightmares that struck him in the night.  
Renji never saw them coming.

x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, poor Renji's gonna have nightmares. We're coming back in the morning, when Byakuya wakes up and realizes something's wrong.


	10. A New Day

Previously, on 'Healing the Moon':  
 _((Renji placed a tender kiss on the back of his companion's head, breathing "I love you." He didn't see the small smile on his sleeping captain's face as darkness claimed him._  
 _Something else he didn't see?_  
 _The nightmares that struck him in the night._  
 _Renji never saw them coming.))_  
x

(Friday Morning)  
Byakuya's eyes fluttered open as he woke up. Warm sunrise light was filtering in through the window, giving everything a pinkish golden tint. As he woke up, he remembered everything right away, and was relieved there was no tense-up this morning. Hmm, what had woken him? And something seemed different...

He glanced down to see Renji's head on his chest, scarlet hair fanned over his torso. Both strong arms were wrapped around his waist tightly, almost desperately. Byakuya frowned in concern, trying to see his host's face. What was wrong? Then he realized the broad shoulders were shaking. "Renji?"

He wiggled, trying to see. To his surprise, the arms loosened enough for him to move, so he shifted down until he was face-to-face with the younger man. The moment he stopped moving, the arms tightened again, this time around his chest, fists behind his shoulders.

Byakuya looked to his partner's face, stunned to see that Renji's eyes were still closed in sleep... and there were tears running down the strong features. "Oh, gods, Renji." he whispered, lifting a hand to the side of his companion's face as a sharp pain filled his chest. "Renji, wake up. Come on, wake up."

The bigger Soul Reaper whimpered in his sleep. "Sorry, so sorry, 'kuya. Don' leave."

Becoming more concerned, Byakuya raised his voice. "I'm not leaving. Wake up, honey, and you'll see everything's ok."

Teary auburn eyes slid open, and Renji hiccuped, trying to catch his breath as he lifted his head. "Tai-Taicho?" The dark amber eyes flitted around their couch-nest before meeting his again, looking haunted. "You... I didn't... we.. ?"

His lieutenant dropped his head onto the pillows, rubbing his hands across his face as he groaned. "Fuckin' nightmares, fuckin' hate 'em. Shit, ain't had any that bad in a while."

Byakuya shifted closer, laying his hand on the broad chest, where he could feel Renji's heart racing. "What happened?"

The crimsonette sighed and turned his face away. "Just some stupid shit. Don't worry 'bout it, I'm fine."

Byakuya frowned. "It is one thing if you do not want to tell me; that is your decision, but do not lie to me and say you are fine when it is obvious that you are not."

There was a moment of silence, then contrite honey eyes met his. "I'm sorry, Taicho. I'm not fine, and I didn't really mean to lie to you. I do that, say I'm fine when I'm not."

Byakuya began stroking the disheveled brilliant red mane as he spoke in a more gentle tone than before. "Ok, I'm not mad about you lying. Now, I'd like to know what had you so upset. As I said, it is your decision if you don't want to tell me, but think about it- how would you react if you woke up to see me crying in my sleep?"

The redhead looked pained by the thought. "I'd wanna try to help. It breaks my heart when you cry, Taicho."

Byakuya nodded, still feeling the ache in his chest that had started when he first saw the tears. "Then let me try to help, please? I do not want you to suffer, Renji, and if I can't help, then at the very least, I won't let you suffer alone."

Renji seemed to hesitate, then shifted closer, watching him with those coppery eyes full of hurt. Byakuya lifted his arm out of the way, chest tightening more as his partner laid his head on his shoulder and curled up to his side. He wrapped both arms around the bigger Soul Reaper, stroking the blood-red mane and broad shoulders as he spoke softly. "Everything's ok now, honey. I've got you, I'm not letting go and I'm not leaving you. You want to tell me about the bad dream?"

He heard a quiet sniffle, then the whispered reply. "'K. You ever had a dream where you wake up, but you're really still dreamin'?"

Byakuya nodded. "Yes, I have."  
His companion tucked tighter against his side. "Well, my nightmares are always like that, and I 'wake up' several times in different ones. You... you were in a bunch of them this time." Byakuya felt the younger man tremble when he spoke the last few words, and sensed a fearful shame creeping through his riatsu.

A feeling of dread twisted his stomach, and he carefully smoothed his fingers into the hair at the back of Renji's head, coaxing the Rukon Dog to look at him. "Renji, what did I do? Did I hurt you?"

His partner whimpered and tried to look away, but Byakuya gently held him still, keeping the auburn eyes on him. "Shhh, shhh, it's alright, honey. Tell me."

His heart clenched as his subordinate, always so brash and fiery, cringed in his arms as if expecting to get hit.  
"I dunno what I did wrong, Taicho, but you were really mad at me. I musta done something awful, cause you used Senbonzakura and kido on me, and took Zabi away and sealed my powers. You... you sent me back to the Rukon and said nobody would miss me.  
Then in another one, you said I was pathetic for falling in love with you cause you're a noble, and that I should keep my attention on some other Rukon tr-trash.  
A-another one, you were just laughing at me cause I was stupid enough to think you'd really wanna be wi-with me.  
And tho-those ain't the wo-worst ones, Taicho, and I don't even know why you're so ma-mad at me!"

Byakuya was horrified by what his sweet lieutenant was saying, and the only thought that stayed clear in his head was that he could not allow Renji to feel like this. For all his usual confidence and reassurances, the crimsonette obviously had his own insecurity if his subconscious could give him such nightmares.

Keeping one arm around the bigger Soul Reaper, Byakuya used his free hand to gently trace the markings above one eye, remembering that they became more sensitive when their bearer was upset. "Renji, honey, I'm not mad at you, I promise."

Renji seemed to hesitate before welcoming the touch, whispering, "I... I don' wanna talk 'bout my dreams no more right now."

Byakuya nodded, sensing that it'd taken a lot just for Renji to tell him what he had. "That's ok, honey. You can always tell me later if you want to; I promise I'll listen. Renji, you _do_ know I wouldn't ever really say or do those things to you, don't you?"

The few seconds of silence last forever, then the redhead nodded, but the cinnamon eyes slid away. "Yeah, I... I know, Taicho."

Byakuya felt nauseous at the doubtful answer, and it hurt that his partner was having trouble believing him. But he knew that this doubt, even the nightmares themselves, were mostly his own fault because of how cold and hateful he'd acted in the past, how he'd often treated his second-in-command with indifference or contempt.

But he'd been so very wrong in the past, and he was never going to act like that again, not if it would hurt the one person who was becoming more and more important to him.

~X~X~X~X~

Renji fidgeted after answering his guest; his response had sounded uncertain even to his own ears. Now Byakuya was being quiet, and when he risked a glance, the noble looked troubled and thoughtful. Feeling bad that he'd probably ruined the day, he whispered, "Taicho? Look, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to-"

He cut off as dark platinum eyes met his, and his superior spoke softly. "There is no reason to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong, honey." He felt his heart skip a beat; he'd thought he'd heard Byakuya call him 'honey' earlier, but he'd been too upset to notice that. So his captain really was using an endearment on him!

Renji's cheeks warmed, and he shyly nudged his head underneath his partner's chin. Byakuya accepted his somewhat submissive gesture, adapting easily to the shift in their roles. Renji sighed in relief when the older man's arms tightened around him protectively, feeling the strength hidden in the slender limbs.

Gentle fingers threaded into his hair, soothing him as he nuzzled deeper against a pale throat and silky black hair. He heard the soft, reassuring words the Kuchiki heir murmured. "It's alright, my sweet, beautiful Renji. I've got you, I'm not going anywhere."

Unable to help himself or the dark self-doubt he'd fought his whole life, he whimpered at his companion. "You... you don't think I'm pathetic for falling in love with you? I know I'm not good enough, Taicho, and you're totally out of my league."

Renji felt soft lips press against his temple as the smaller Soul Reaper lightly rebuked him. "Hush, Renji. I don't think that at all, and I will not tolerate you speaking badly of yourself. If anyone is out of their league, it is not you." The soft lips left his temple, only to trail down his cheek as the ravenette shifted to get a better angle, whispering, " _ **I**_ am the lucky one, honey, so very far out of my depth. But I am not afraid, because I know you will not let me drown."

Renji moaned when the warm lips captured his own, his guest controlling the kiss. He realized he was trembling as Byakuya deepened the kiss, and he whimpered in pleasure. After his nightmares, this was what he needed- to know his moon desired him and cared about him. He could feel both in the tender, sensual kisses he was receiving, and he found himself clinging to the noble, who didn't seem to mind.

Then the soft, sweet lips left his, and he whined shamelessly at the loss. "Please, Tai-Taicho!"

Deep amethyst eyes met his, narrowed in that way he'd always found both sexy and frightening. His heart pounded at the dark look, uncertain if there was more promise or threat in the steel gaze right now. His superior asked in a low voice, "'Please', what, Lieutenant?"

Renji hesitated, unsure of how to word what he wanted. He really wanted Byakuya to take him, but had a feeling his captain wasn't ready to cross that line yet. Still, he was reveling in the dominant attention and didn't want it to end. So he settled for tilting his head to expose his throat and whispering, "Please don't stop, Taicho, not yet."

Renji shivered as the warm lips descended on his neck, brushing over his markings, which were overly sensitive right now because of his distress over his nightmares and the excitement from receiving dominant attention from his powerful moon.

"Ohhh shiiit." he breathed when the tender kisses found the single-spike marking that extended from his hairline down behind his ear. Then the soft lips moved to the lightening-bolt shaped marking, followed by a gentle brush of teeth. He began trembling uncontrollably as goosebumps rose all over his body. Warm breath washed over his throat. "My beautiful Renji, all mine."

He nodded, breathing shakily. "Hai, Taicho. All yours." He shivered as he felt a slim thigh nudge against his, and he parted his own with a soft whimper when his neck was lightly nipped again. The sleek, silk-covered thigh glided between his to settle against his throbbing body, and Byakuya licked the spot he'd bitten, whispering, "Good Renji. Gods, this feeling... the way you respond to me... is this how you feel when you get me all worked up?"

Renji nodded urgently as he began panting. "Pro-probably. Like... like a rush?"

He gasped when his partner nipped his shoulder, then licked the spot, humming his reply. "'Rush' is an understatement, honey. I think I could do this for days. If this is how it feels to you, how are you able to stop, hold back as you do? How are you _ever_ able to take your hands off of me?"

Renji moaned as he tentatively rocked his hips, grinding against the sleek thigh nestled between his, practically humping his superior. "Holding back... hardest fuckin' thing I've ever done. Wanted you so long... only 2 reasons I can bring myself to stop. One, don' wanna hurt you or scare you. Two, fuckin' terrified that if I push too fast, I'll ruin everything."

He wrapped his arms around his captain's shoulders, almost overcome by the emotions of the last 2 days and the nightmares that had taken their harsh toll. "I always mess up, Taicho, and gods, I don't wanna mess this up! I'm so scared that I'm gonna do something wrong that you won't like and then you won't wanna be with me anymore!"

Warm, reassuring riatsu curled around him as Byakuya nuzzled his neck. "My poor, sweet Renji. Having me in your life matters so much?" He nodded frantically, whimpering as he felt teeth grazing gently down the side of his neck.

Suddenly, a loud, harsh noise filled the air, startling both of them.  
Renji's alarm had gone off.

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya jumped and felt Renji jolt in his arms as an intrusive ringing interrupted them. The bigger Soul Reaper twisted and flung one arm over the armrest to hit the clock, silencing the obnoxious noise. The redhead peered at the clock, then gasped. "Oh, holy fuckin' hell! Taicho, you're gonna be late!"

As his partner started scrambling to get up, Byakuya snaked his hands around his wrists. Wide auburn eyes met his. "Taicho, c'mon! You're gonna be late!"

He tilted his head as he shifted to gently pin the wrists he held. "And who said I was done with you?"

The younger man's eyes widened even further in confusion and conflict. "But sir, you're never late."

Byakuya smiled reassuringly. "I've never had a reason to be late before. I'm sure you'd rather keep going. Do you feel obligated to be the voice of reason here, and make sure we're being responsible? Or, perhaps, could it be that some part of you thinks I will be angry and blame you if I am late to work?"

The crimsonette hesitated, glancing to the clock again. "Um, that'd be both, Taicho. Both reasons, but I..." The dark amber eyes slid back to his, and Renji breathed, "But I really don't wanna stop."

Byakuya nodded, murmuring in a gentle, coaxing tone, "Good, because I don't want to, either. I appreciate you trying to get me to work on time, and I promise I won't blame you for my lateness." As he spoke, he could sense his subordinate relaxing, once again becoming pliant under his touch. "There you go, my beautiful Renji. You did so very well, honey."

The redhead moaned as he pressed closer, his thigh still cradling his partner's body. He could feel how aroused the fierce Rukon Dog had gotten, and he shifted his thigh, drawing the most beautiful whimper of pleasure out of his companion.

Byakuya lowered his face towards Renji's neck, pleased by how eagerly the bigger Soul Reaper tilted his head to the side to give him access. It was a heady feeling to know he was getting such responses from the more experienced man, and it made him feel powerful in a whole new way. He still had a light hold on his partner's wrists, and Renji wasn't resisting it.

In a moment of clarity, Byakuya realized the younger man who had survived the horrors of the Rukon would likely let him do whatever he damn well wanted to him. It touched and saddened him at the same time, and he gently guided the crimsonette's hands to his chest as he murmured against the warm neck."Touch me, Renji, it's ok."

He heard a soft, thankful whimper as the big hands began roaming, reverently tracing over his body. He licked and bit the lightening-bolt marking, moaning at the pleasant way his subordinate's skin tasted. Then a shaky whisper reached his ears. "Tai-Taicho? I know I can't leave visible marks on you, but you can leave 'em on me...please?"

Unable to refuse his partner's charmingly shy request, Byakuya latched onto a section of soft tan skin just in front of the lightening-bolt. He captured the tender flesh between his teeth and suckled hard. This was obviously what the redhead had wanted, squirming closer to him, grinding against his thigh and giving ragged-sounding whimpers. He felt the strong arms wrap around his shoulders, his lieutenant holding onto him for dear life.

Still suckling on his companion's neck, Byakuya slid one hand down the lean, muscled torso, down to where Renji straddled his thigh. The Rukon Dog whined as Byakuya's hand slipped into his hakamas to wrap around the hard, precum-slicked length. He began stroking his partner, who trembled and panted roughly. "Ahh..ah Taicho! Oh, g-gods!"

He released his subordinate's neck to breathe into his ear, "Cum for me, Renji, and cum hard. That is an order, Lieutenant."

Byakuya felt the bigger Soul Reaper shiver violently, thrusting against his hand and whimpering his obedience. "Yes, sir! Please don't s-stop, Taicho!"

Byakuya held the younger man close with his free arm as he sped up his firm strokes, then he heard a sharp gasp as Renji's body arched and stiffened. He felt warm fluid drench his hand in pulses, and he smiled in satisfaction as his companion breathed in shaky, shallow pants, still clinging to him.

He gentled his strokes to let Renji ride out his climax, enjoying the way his entire body twitched and shivered with each move of his hand. He lifted his head to gaze at his fiery beauty, who lay panting with an endearing flush on his face as he was drained.

Slowly, Byakuya pulled his hand out of his host's hakamas, seeing the slick pearls all over it. With a barely-coherent whine, Renji shifted, catching his hand and bringing it to his lips. "Sorry, Taicho." Surprised by the apology, he watched as the Rukon Dog began licking his hand clean, gazing up at him with half-closed auburn eyes.

Already aroused by their activities, Byakuya felt his body tightening even more at the sight and feel of his partner licking his own creamy essence off his hand. The new sensation was surprisingly erotic, especially since he already knew the younger man's release actually tasted rather good. He tilted his head closer, holding the dark amber gaze as he joined Renji in his self-appointed task of sensuality.

Once his hand was clean, the redhead sighed contentedly. "Thank you so much, Taicho."

~X~X~X~X~

Renji watched as his superior smiled at him. "You're welcome, honey. Feel better?"

He nodded, then shifted to shyly lay his hand on his captain's rock-hard length hidden in his hakamas. "Let me return the favor, Taicho."

The ravenette shook his head and pulled away, a teasing smirk on his lips. "I don't think so. See, I am late for work, must get going. And you get to know, _all day_ , that you are the reason I am in such a state." The older man gestured to the visible bulge he was sporting. "Because of you, honey. I look forward to witnessing you deal with the distraction."

Renji growled playfully. "Oh gods, Taicho, you're a freakin' tease!"

The smaller Soul Reaper shrugged as he gracefully vaulted out of the nest. "You are definitely wearing off on me, Renji. Now, since it is getting closer to 8, I suggest you get ready, too."

Renji obediently climbed out of the nest. "Hey, Taicho? You think it'd be alright to walk to work together? Or would that look suspicious?"

The noble tilted his head thoughtfully. "I think it would be ok, but I have a condition."

Confused, Renji paused in getting dressed. "What?"

Serious platinum eyes met his. "Do you realize that since talking about your nightmares, actually, since waking up, you have not used my name once? Nor have you called me 'baby', an endearment I find myself becoming quite attached to. Did your dreams bother you so much that you are unable to address me casually? Less than an hour, and I am disturbed by this already."

Realizing the truth of these words, Renji moved closer as Byakuya was weaving the kensaiken into his hair. "I'm sorry, Byakuya. You're right; after my nightmares, I couldn't bring myself to say your name... maybe I was seeing it as disrespectful, didn't wanna make you mad, I dunno. Then, when you were doing such a fine job seducing me, I said 'Taicho' and 'sir' cause any time I've thought about submitting to you, I always address you like that. Maybe I just got stuck saying it."

His partner smiled up at him. "Ok, I guess I understand, and I actually kind of liked it while I was 'seducing' you. But now, I'd rather you speak casually, since we only have a limited time before we'll be in the office and have to be formal again."

Renji smirked as he finished getting dressed. "Whatever you want, baby. You really like that?"

Byakuya nodded, lowering his eyes as he completed his ritual. "I do. Perhaps it is because nobody has ever used an endearment on me before. And just so you know, I have never used one on anybody, either."

Renji grinned, absurdly pleased that he was the first in both. "I like when you call me 'honey'. Can I ask why you chose that one?"

He saw the faint blush on pale cheeks as they left his quarters. His companion gazed up at the sky as he replied softly, "Because you are so very sweet. Oh, and if I'm not careful, I'll end up sticky."

Renji laughed so hard, he snorted. "Gods, I love the fact you've got a sense of humor! If it wasn't so risky since we're outside and could be seen, I'd kiss you for that. Shit, like I don't have _enough_ stuff 'bout you in my head, now I got images of you all nice and 'sticky', and not with honey. Oh, or maybe with honey... yeah, I like honey... lick it all off, then get you sticky with something else."

He saw his superior fighting a smile. "Do you spend all your time with such lecherous thoughts in your head?"

Renji poured all his charm into a grin directed at his companion. "Nah, just like 95% of my time. The other 5% is when I sleep."

The ravenette was trying hard not to laugh, slender shoulders quivering. "S-stop, Renji! Gods, people are going to think I've lost my mind if I walk into the office like this."

Renji nodded, knowing that the noble spoke the truth. "Sorry, baby. So we need to talk about something more serious?"

His partner tilted his head. "That sounds reasonable."

He crossed his hands behind his head as they walked along. "Alright. Well, it seemed like you were curious 'bout my nightmares, the ones I usually have. Most Rukon survivors have 'em. That the life you have now is the dream, and you wake up to find yourself still on the street."

Solemn amethyst eyes lifted to his. "And this is a recurring dream for you and others from there?"

He shrugged. "Yeah. Sometimes it's not so bad; you're just there, trying to find your pack or stealing food. Other times, it's worse, and you're being beaten or forced."

He saw Byakuya's shoulders stiffen, then heard a quiet whisper. "I haven't had any since I've been sleeping with you, but many nights, I normally have nightmares of my own. That guard... he never died, and he's found me. My kido won't work, and Senbonzakura has no effect on him."

Renji growled at the thought. "If that happened, I swear I would send him to Hell as painfully as possible. I wouldn't let him fuckin' _touch_ you."

He was caught off-guard by the threatening, deadly-quiet reply. "And nobody will hurt you again, either. If you would fight my demons for me, believe me when I say I am more than willing to fight yours."

They had reached the office, and Renji whispered, "Hai, Taicho." as they entered and moved to their desks. He began working, though his mind lingered on his partner's words, which had sounded like a vow.

Just then, there was a flare of agitated spiritual pressure nearby, and Shuu burst into the office.

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya frowned at the commotion of someone entering the office unannounced. He looked up to see Lieutenant Hisagi standing there panting, and he didn't notice his frown immediately fading. The scarred leader of Squad 9 put his hands on his knees, panting for air even as he tried to apologize. "Sorry, Cap'n Ku-chiki, sir. Know I didn't knock, forgive me. I got... uhh... a very urgent personal matter to discuss with Ren-Lieutenant Abarai, sir."

He nodded. "It's fine, though you may wish to catch your breath before you pass out."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Renji rise to his feet, staring at the panting lieutenant with concern. "Dude, breathe. What's wong?"

The bright silver eyes moved to the crimsonette. "Ichigo's here, in the Soul Society. I ain't told him... what you told me to tell the pack. I'm sorry, Ren. You know he'll come here for you. I'm so sorry."

Byakuya watched as his partner's auburn eyes widened. "Shit! You're sure he's here? Where?"

Shuuhei shook his head. "I dunno. All I know is you're usually the first person Ichi wants to see, so I came to warn you. I woulda told him the message, but I ain't had a chance to go to the World of the Living. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to let you down."

The bigger Soul Reaper shook his head. "Stop, Shuu. I ain't mad at you; I know you did your best. I can handle Ichi."

Byakuya saw the intense amber eyes lift to his. "Taicho, I'd really appreciate it if I could be dismissed for a bit."

He opened his mouth to give the redhead leave, but before he could speak, spiritual pressure surged through the air.  
"Renji!"  
The door to the office flew open, and an orange-haired ball of energy bounded in. "Hey Byakuya! Hey Shuu! There you are, Renji!" Like a Substitute Soul Reaper tornado, the teenage savior of the Soul Society flew to his lieutenant's side.

Renji narrowed his eyes. "Don't start with me, Ichi. I'm at work, ya know."  
Ichigo grinned. "Aww, c'mon! I talked to people on the way here, so I know it's not a busy day. You got time to play."

Byakuya was stunned by the scene unfolding before his eyes as the orange-haired teen hauled his arm back and swung. Renji caught the fist, an amused look entering his eyes. "You won't win today!" With a swift maneuver, the taller man captured the substitute shinigami, one arm across his throat. "I told you, I'm at work, Ichi. Busy or not, I gotta have my captain's permission to leave."

Byakuya barely managed to keep a straight face as chocolate eyes rose to his, Ichigo still grinning even while in a choke-hold. "Byakuya, can Renji come out to play?"

The crimsonette tightened his hold on the squirming teenage hero and kneed him in the leg. "Talk to him with respect! And I'm not coming to play, you frisky little bastard, so stop wiggling like that! I gotta talk to you 'bout something important. Ask again, nice-like."

Ichigo pulled a fantastically fake pout. "Oh, great and noble Captain Kuchiki, leader of the best squad ever, could I impose upon you and borrow your lieutenant?"

Byakuya knew Renji needed to speak to this smart-ass... which must mean Ichigo was one of his 'benefit' friends. His partner sure had interesting tastes. "Very well, Kurosaki. Lieutenant Abarai, you may be dismissed."

Deep coppery eyes met his, and Renji gave him a tiny nod before hauling Ichigo out of the office. Byakuya glanced over to see Shuuhei gazing at the floor, looking troubled. "Lieutenant Hisagi?"

Surprised silvery eyes lifted to his. "Oh! Sorry, Captain Kuchiki. I'll go now."  
He frowned at the younger Soul Reaper. "Hold on. Your riatsu is somewhat unstable. Are you well?"

The scarred lieutenant hesitated, then sighed. "I was supposed to spread a message through mine and Renji's friends, but I didn't get to tell Ichigo. I hate letting Ren down!"

Byakuya spoke quietly, hoping to calm his partner's friend. "Does Kurosaki not reside in the World of the Living? It is not a simple matter to just go there. I believe you would have given him the message if you had gotten the chance."

The darker Soul Reaper frowned. "I shoulda found a way. I can't stand letting Ren down- he deserves better than that."

Byakuya felt his eyes widen, surprised by the solid loyalty Renji had inspired. And surely, it would bother his sweet partner if he found out Shuuhei was feeling this guilty. He spoke firmly. "Lieutenant Hisagi, that is enough. I understand your view, but I doubt Lieutenant Abarai feels that you let him down. Also, I am certain he would not want you feeling badly over this."

The silver eyes lifted to his, looking relieved. "You're right. He'd probably give me hell if he knew I was being such a little bitch over this, especially to yo-" The younger man cut off abruptly, averting his eyes. "Thank you for talking with me, Captain Kuchiki. I'm sorry if I've been disturbing you."

The scarred lieutenant started to turn for the door, but Byakuya waved the apology away. "You have not been disturbing me. If you like, you may wait here until Lieutenant Abarai returns, so you may be assured all is well."

The bright silver eyes widened. "Really? Ok, thank you, Captain Kuchiki." The scarred, tattooed man sat on the floor with his back against the wall, and Byakuya refocused on his work.

It was quiet for several minutes, then he heard the younger Soul Reaper clear his throat. "Um, Captain Kuchiki, sir?"

He lifted his eyes to his companion's. "Yes?"

Shuuhei hesitated, then asked, "Sir, by any chance, do you know who Renji's starting a relationship with?"

Byakuya tried to stifle the surge of tension in his body, managing to answer calmly, "I do not; it seems he wants to keep that information to himself. However, he has seemed more relaxed and cheerful lately, so I am inclined to believe that whoever he is with, he is happy."

He lowered his eyes to the form in front of him, not seeing the words as he willed his heart to stop racing. Eyes down, he missed the speculative look directed at him by the Rukon survivor.

A few minutes later, Renji came in, headed straight for Byakuya's desk without noticing that Shuuhei had never left.

~X~X~X~X~

Renji strode to his captain's desk, and the deep violet-chrome eyes rose to his. "It's alright, Taicho. I took care of it, told him what's up and that I'm not hooking up anymore, and he's off to pester someone else, probably Shuu or Captain Histugaya. I'm sorry about all that, ba-"

He cut off as his partner's eyes widened meaningfully and darted behind him. He turned to see Shuu staring at them with his head cocked to the side. Renji sucked in a breath, praying that he hadn't said anything incriminating. Slowly, Shuu stood up, a smirk pulling at his lips. "How did it go, Ren?"

He replied cautiously, "It went fine. You know Ichi; he's happy for me, said whoever I'm with better treat me right. Then he ran off like a squirrel to bug someone else."

He watched as his friend nodded. "I'm with him on you being treated right. You been through way too much shit to end up with someone who doesn't respect you."

Behind him, Renji felt a defensive flicker in his captain's energy. All he wanted to do was reassure his partner, but he knew any attempt right now could make this situation worse. He addressed his friend firmly. "Shuu, trust me, you ain't gotta worry. You know me, I ain't gonna be with someone who's not treating me right. Had enough of that in the Rukon, thanks. I promise I'm fine. Now, if you're done fussin' over me, I got work to do."

Shuu stepped closer, an appraising look in those sharp silver eyes. "Ren, you wouldn't lie to me, would you?"

Renji shook his head. "Of course not, and it wouldn't do me any good. You're like a freakin' lie detector." He heard Byakuya inhale sharply, and had to force himself not to turn to the noble.

Shuu tilted his head, a wicked smirk baring his teeth in true Rukon style. "When did you start this new relationship, Firefly?"

He frowned at the question. "Couple days ago. Why?"

The older Soul Reaper asked, "The day you were out sick?"

Becoming apprehensive about where this was headed, Renji nodded. "Yeah. What about it?"

Shuu waved his hand casually. "Oh, nothing, nothing. I just find it interesting that Captain Kuchiki was out the same day. Oh... and that he just _lied_ his noble ass off about knowing who you're with."

Renji stiffened, hands gripping the edge of the desk behind him. "Shuu..." he growled warningly, "Whatever you're thinking, I suggest you stop."

The other lieutenant's smirk became a full blown grin. "Oh gods, I'm right! Holy shit!"

The smaller man turned and ran for the door. Renji shot after his friend, catching him and pinning him to the wall with one hand over his mouth. "Dammit, Reaper!"

He felt a hand on his arm, and glanced down to see Byakuya at his side, worried steel-amethyst flicking between him and Shuu. "Renji?"

He heard the concern in that one word, and everything in him yearned to comfort the ravenette. "I don't know what to do, Byakuya. See, Reaper here can be a bad gossip. If I let him leave right now, the whole Seretei will know about us within the hour. What do you want me to do, baby?"

~X~X~X~X~

Byakuya hesitated, glancing to the dark, scarred lieutenant his partner had pinned to the wall. "Would you really tell people about us?"

Shuuhei began mumbling against Renji's hand, but before Byakuya could ask him to uncover the captive's mouth, the crimsonette was translating the mumbles. "He says it'd be big news, really big. Everyone would be excited to find out."  
Renji frowned. "I don't think he's taking the Kuchiki clan into account."

Shuuhei's silver eyes widened and more mumbles were heard. Byakuya watched as Renji tilted his head and answered. "Yeah, that's why we're keeping it a secret, or at least trying to."

The auburn eyes met his. "I'm sorry, baby. I didn't know he'd figure it out this fast."

Curious mumbles came from Shuuhei, and Renji lightly tapped the back of his friend's head against the wall. "Yeah, I called him 'baby'! Got a problem with that?"

Byakuya frowned. "Renji, do you treat all your friends this way?"

The bigger Soul Reaper rolled his eyes. "No, just the tougher Rukon that can handle it. Don't worry, I ain't hurting him."

Sure enough, the captive shook his head, mumbling and giving a thumbs-up. Byakuya raised his eyebrows. "I'm surrounded by lunatics. Renji, release him."

His partner hesitated. "But, he'll start askin' us questions, like some personal, invasive shit."

Byakuya sighed. "That doesn't mean we have to answer. Now, I may be just fine with you staying friends with him, but I am getting uncomfortable with the fact that you have one of your previous lovers pinned to the wall, so I would appreciate it if you'd let him go."

Immediately, the Rukon Dog released Shuuhei and backed up, amber eyes filling with guilt as Renji whispered, "I'm sorry. I was just trying to keep him from going and telling everyone; I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Byakuya stepped closer, laying his head against the broad chest. "I know you didn't, honey."

He saw Shuuhei gazing at them, practically sparkling with excitement. "Aww, this is so great! So are you guys serious?"

Byakuya was surprised when Renji simply turned his head to show the side of his neck and the lovebite he'd put there this morning. Shuuhei gasped. "Ohh, Ren! You ain't never let anyone leave a mark on you that could be seen!"

He looked up to meet his subordinate's eyes. "Really?"

The Rukon Dog nodded. "Yeah. I ain't ever let that happen cause I knew you'd see it. We might not have been together, but I still didn't want my moon to see what others had done."

Byakuya tilted his head shyly. "And that is how you prove that you are serious about me? Well, in that case..." He turned, keeping the strong arms around his waist as he addressed Shuuhei. "I've never let anyone mark me, period. So would this suffice to prove that I am serious about him?" He pulled the edge of his uniform and scarf back to show the lovebite Renji had left on him last night, right before he'd seen the bed and freaked out.

Shuuhei's sky-silver eyes widened. "Oh, wow. So you are serious. I... I gotta know, have you done it yet?"

Byakuya felt himself tense, and his partner's arms tightened around him protectively as his lieutenant growled at the other. "Gods, Shuu! Personal much?"

The scarred man tilted his head, looking confused. "I was just curious, and besides, you ain't never had a problem discussing that kinda shit before. Is it cause he's not one of us?"

Byakuya watched as the younger Soul Reaper met his eyes. "No offense; I didn't mean that in a bad way, Cap'n Kuchiki, sir. I just meant since you ain't pack, does that mean your stuff is private?"

Byakuya barely registered the question itself- this was the third time he'd heard the word 'pack' in reference to Renji and his friends, and it sounded like something to be taken seriously. He felt Renji sigh, obviously noticing his confusion. "'Pack' is pretty much how it sounds, like a pack of wolves. It's how we survived in the Rukon, and when we become Soul Reapers, we tend to combine whatever we have left. It's a really tight group of friends that shares everything. Actually, it's kinda like our fucked-up version of a family."

Shuuhei nodded emphatically. "Yeah, and if you look at it like a pack of wolves, then Renji is our Alpha."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Shuuhei knows they're a couple- will he get any other secrets?  
> For those of you who have read my 'Inuyasha' fics, Shuuhei has a similar role as Koga does- the tough, attractive middleman who's friends/lovers with one, becomes closer to the other, and his age falls between theirs. I know, I'm weird. My plot kittens love it though! Renji and Byakuya might be my otp for 'Bleach', but I damn near had a heart attack the first time I saw Shuuhei! I was like, 'Who is this guy?!" I watch him just as closely as I watch Byakuya and Renji lol. Plus his zanpakuto, Kazeshini? Looks so badass (don't deny it), and the manifestation is interesting as hell, literally.  
> And yeah, I do have a little bit of a 'pack mentality' obsession.


End file.
